Silent Revenge
by Kerschi-Puky
Summary: Who has an interest in suffering Cohens? Who wants to break Ryan? Who want to take revenge? Will in they find out who causes their misery or will they get drowned in it?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first O.C. fanfic. I don't own anything linked to The O.C. and I'm not making any profi. I hope you'll like. Reviews are appriciated, thus I'll find out what you like and what not ;), so please tell me, what you think of it. Have fun and enjoy :)

* * *

**H**e was her guardian angel. No, he was their guardian angel. Since he had been here things had changed. It was, as if he had brought new life into her..., into their home. Since he had been here, Seth had changed, in a more than positive way. He had opened up to them, he was laughing more and he seemed to be happy and satisfied with living here now. He was talking more to them, he started making jokes and he had started to feel okay with who he was. It was, as if Seth had started to find his place in Newport Society and he was happy with the place he inherited. He had started to be Seth, a Seth she never wanted to miss anymore. Their guardian angel had saved Seth from being bullied and from being a victim of the water polo team. Who knew how things would have turned out to be forSeth, if he never had showed up in their life? Maybe Seth still would be depressed and despaired with his life. But it was worth nothing to think about that now, because it led to nothing. It only led to her feeling even more worse about what was going to happen. What if Seth never was going to cope with it? She wasn't able to stand anymore of this sad and hurt Seth, nobody wanted to be friend with. What if Seth started to draw back into his shell again. Not letting anyone in, not even his own mother? This was going to be a rough time for her son, for her sons. Seth had become such a joyful person and she didn't want to lose this again.

And what about her husband and herself? Since he had been here, they both had stopped worrying about Seth, because they knew there was always someone who was going to stand in for him and because they had understood that Seth was old enough to be stopped being pampered. Since he was here they stuck together, more than they ever had. They had become the family they ever had wanted to be. Her husband had gotten a better connection to his own son, because they had figured out that they had something in common: both hated the Newport Society and both knew that there was more outside of this area. And she? She never would forget what he once had done in the juvies. This could have aggravated his obligations to get out of there, but he only had cared about her. Inwardly she always had known that all mistakes that had happened in those days before - the model home, the fights- , only had been the result of trying too hard to be someone or something. In him, she had found a kind of soul mate. He had shown interest in her job and he was the one she could talk about it to. In him she saw someone who understood her, but didn't roll his eyes. Sure it was one of the most popular prejudices, thinking that kids like he had no interest in architecture and art history. But he had and that had impressed her, because not even people from here understood her affection for this. And the fact that a sixteen year old boy owned knowledge about it had impressed her even more. It had broken her heart, when she had heard that this boy had given up his dream, her former dream.

She knew he was their guardian angel and he would save them. No matter how high the price was going to be, he would pay it, only for them being saved.

And now he needed their help. He needed it so bad and knowing that her hands were tied nearly killed her. But there was nothing she could do. She even didn't know who stoood behind all this. They just appeared one day and told her that he couldn't stay any longer with them. She hadn't knwon how to react than, only her husband had remained cool headed and had asked for the whys and hows. Nobody had told them, who had called them or given them all this information. Privacy's information. She was close to cry, but she had to hold back her tears.

She didn't want him to lose all hope. All this was already hard enough for him. He had been so grateful and relieved when they had told him that he could stay with them for ever. For him it had been and still was the greatest gift someone could have given to him: a home and a family and he watched it like a treasure. But now someone, she didn't even know was going to take it away from him and he only could watch them doing it, helplessly. She hadn't lost hope yet. Maybe they'll find a solution.

These people were waiting outside and one stood together with them in their living room. They were talking about instable family relations, no stable and save surrounding, too many problems around their lives. But this wasn't true. Like every family they had to face some problems and conflicts and nobody had ever said that adopting a child meant not having any problems and conflicts at all. It was just the normal stuff and they mad such a fuss of it? How could they do that?

"Okay Ryan, would you like to come with me?" She flinched at these words and she felt her husband's strong arm around her. She watched this witch of a woman who now was going to destroy her family. This woman hasn't even introduced herself. How was she able to get into her house and turn her whole family's life upside down? How was this possible?

"Do I have a choice?" The boy answered smug. He had focused the floor. His reaction when his emotions started to fight against his shell, trying to get onto the surface. He passed her, lifted his head. She looked in these eyes, but they had shut down. It was the same glance he had, when they had brought him back to the juvies, after the fire. These eyes wouldn't let anything in or out, they were numb. Maybe it was better that way. Thus they couldn't hurt him too bad. It was for his own safety. She took him into a tough embrace, reluctant to let him go. But she had no choice.

"Don't lose hope. We'll think of you everyday and I'm sure we'll see us again." She said. Now her tears started to run. She hadn't any control of them.

"I know I can't keep them from doing this, but I'm not going to let you go, understood?" Her husband said.  
"Yeah, thanks. Thanks for everything." These words broke her heart even more. Everything they had done for him had come from their heart. He was such a thankful and frugal person. They even could have ignored him, but he would have been thankful. At least thankful for not punching and beating him.

"Where's Seth?" He asked.

"He's upstairs."

"Okay, I just go any say goodbye."

"No, you don't. We don't want you to push off again." The woman said harsh. He saw how he bit his tooth together.

"No problem, I'll go and get him." Her husband offered.

"No, we've already lost too much time. Ryan, come on. We have to go." She grabbed his arm in an unkind and harsh way, but it didn't take long and he had freed himself from her grip. She watched him following the woman hanging his head. He got into the car and looked at her and her husband. She couldn't believe that this numb look was the last thing she'd ever had in her memory from her guardian angel. The the car driving off. When they had left she slummed down on the stairs and started crying. She couldn't help it. Her husband sat down to her and took her into his strong arms, showing her that he was there.

"They can't take him from us."

"Unfortunately they can and as I see, there is nothing we can do." He said in a quite and comforting vooice.

"But they're going to hurt him and if not physically but … you know. Hadn't he already been thorough enough in his life? They're not helping him they're hurting him only more."

"I know. But I promise I'm going to find out who's the one behind all this and I promise that this person is going to suffer." She knew he meant it and she knew he would find the person who was responsible for this misery.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, here's the next chapter. I hope you'll like it. Reviews are still appreciated ;) And a big sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes, but unfortunately I'm not a native english speaker. Nevertheless read, dream and enjoy ;)

* * *

**S**chool had begun to be shit again. Okay, he still had Summer and Luke had stopped with bullying. But nevertheless it was shit. And at home it was no difference. Again he was most time of the day alone: no one to talk to, no one to go out with and no one to have fun with. He started to hate his life again. Why couldn't his father do anything? He always knew what to do, how to solve problems and now he wanted to tell him that there was no solution in sight? Sorry, but he had trouble to believe that. They even hadn't let Ryan to say goodbye. What a fucked up policy was that? He was sure that there was something going badly wrong and he would find out what it was and then he would start to found a rescue-Ryan-team. Yes that was his plan. He would start to rescue Ryan and bring him home again, into the pool house where he belonged to. The first days, after Ryan had left, he had made his first way as usual t the pool house. It had taken some time, until he had realized that it was empty, that the person who had filled it was life was gone. He never had thought he would miss someone that bad. Nevertheless now he walked alone through the school's hallways.

"Hey Cohen. What's up?" Summer came and gave him a kiss onto his cheek even this didn't help to cheer him up and he started to feel bad about it towards Summer. She shouldn't suffer under the loss of his friend, because she wasn't to blame for it, but he couldn't help it.

"Nothing." He only answered. Summer had been his life's aim, but now he only was annoyed by her, in somehow.

"You still miss him? Don't worry this feeling's going to vanish one day." He knew she only wanted to comfort him with this, but this sounded unfair.

"Only because he's not here, it doesn't mean that he's not my friend anymore." He answered and went off. She followed him. Outside of the building they sat down.

"Seth, this isn't what I meant. It's…it's only…one day you'll wake up and you can cope with it, believe me." He looked at her. "When my father married this bitch of a woman, I thought I'll never forgive him and I carried around this feeling of hate and revenge, but one day I woke up and I was okay with it, in somehow. I mean…I still don't like this woman and I still can't forgive my Dad that he had married her, but I can cope with my feelings about this and I can life with them. And I'm sure this is going to happen with you either, it only takes some time." In somehow she was right. But not now. Now he still would have liked to kill every person who had messed up his life again.

"It's just that I can't understand why they've said that our home wasn't good enough. You know, instable and stuff." He never had told her before, because he didn't want to appear as weak, but now she had given him the feeling as if he could talk to her.

"What?" She nearly screamed. "I thought at you're home it was the first time he had a regular and steady life. I mean, you're parents had been the first persons who really had cared about him and who had started to make him feel…save. How can they say that you weren't good enough?"

"Left side and you see why." Marissa was coming towards him. In his opinion she was the reason why they said that Ryan couldn't stay with his family. She was a walking conflict and she had taken Ryan with her into the depth, where trouble and problems ruled.

"Hey you two." She greeted them and sat down next to them. He turned away from her. She didn't deserve his attention.

"Hey Coop." Summer said in her usual cheeky tone.

"What's wrong with him?" Marissa asked.

"He's still sad about what had happened with Ryan."

"Oh, yeah. I really have no idea what problem they had that they've decided to take Ryan away." Marissa answered. This blew his top, as if she didn't know the reasons for their decision.

"Maybe you should look into the mirror." He said.

"What?" She sounded irritated.

"You're the reason why they had decided that he had to leave."

"That's not true."

"Oh, c'mon. He always had been busy to keep you out of trouble. The only thing he was doing all day was saving your ass!" He screamed.

"You can't be serious." She sounded as if she was going to burst into tears every second, but he didn't care, because she didn't care, what she had done to Ryan either.

"Who had attempted to commit suicide? Who brought Oliver into his life? And who was bothering him with alcoholism, although he already had enough of that in his former life?" He screamed into her face.

"But this has nothing to do with…"

"Oh yes it has, because everybody knows that he was involved in each of these circumstances and not quite in the best way one could be involved in something like this."

"It had been his decision. I didn't forced him to help me!"

"No, but you ripped him off."

"I didn't!"

"You did. You knew that he loved you and that he would do everything for you and you had nothing better to do than running into the arms of some psychotic and at the end Ryan had to take the rape for it! And that's why they've decided that he can't stay, because he always has to be the one who pays the bills for your mistakes and all this only because you're unable to get your life on tracks!"

"Stop it Seth, that's not fair!" Marissa screamed. She had started to cry.

"Do you know what's unfair? That Ryan has to live in one of the worse foster homes in this state, although he hadn't done anything wrong."

"You don't know that!"

"No, but my Dad does." He didn't bother that Marissa cried, got up and wanted to leave.

"Do you wanna come?" He asked Summer. She nodded.

"Sorry Coop, but in somehow … he's right. I mean, where have you been when things turned out that he had to leave us? Your Mum is the new girlfriend of Caleb Nichol, so don't tell me that there had been nothing you could have done for him." Summer got up, took his arm and then they went to get a coffee. He needed to calm down again. He had been hard towards her, but she hadn't been there for Ryan.

"Is the place where he is really that bad?" Summer asked him.

"That's what my Dad says."

"And why doesn't he try to get him somewhere else?"

"He can't. It's like all is ensorcelled."

"Ryan is tough. He'll survive it, I'm sure. Did you ever try to visit him?"

"No, they don't allow any contact." He wasn't allowed to see or talk to him. He even wasn't allowed to write a mail or anything. It was, as if Ryan never had existed in his life, but this was a lie and he hated lies.

"And you care about it? Due the whole time you hung around with him, you never had learned how to bypass prohibitions?" When one thing was true, than that he never before Ryan had appeared had broken so many rules.

"And how do you think, we should do this?"

"Just let me be a little creative."


	3. Chapter 3

Here am I again. Reviews are still appriciated and thanks for those I've already received :)

* * *

**H**e hated this place and he still had no clue what in hell's name had gotten him into this. Nobody had told him anything; despite that he couldn't life at the Cohens, because after a few months there he still hadn't brought his life back on tracks again. Bullshit. He had kept out of trouble, no fights, no police…okay. This thing with Oliver wasn't the smartest action, but at the end they had gotten the proof that his suspicions regarding him had been right.

But when he was honest to himself, he had known from the very beginning that his luck wouldn't last way too long. He shouldn't be surprised that it had turned out that way. For sake his talent for not losing too many words had kept him out of trouble until now. But he knew that one of the educators was keeping an eye on him and he knew that he couldn't avoid this pervert for ever.

"Atwood, it's your turn for kitchen duty." His 'special educator' said. He was wrong. His turn had been yesterday, but if they didn't like you, they did everything to harass you. He was okay with that, because thus they had no time to harass the shortys. He felt a heavy slap at the back of his head. "Hurry up! I'm not waiting for ever!" Okay, now it had begun. He said nothing and did nothing. He only went to do, what they wanted him to do otherwise this place was going to be hell on earth for him. Why in hell's name did he always has to be the fucked up? No matter where he occured or who met him, everytime it was the same: he was going to have a rough time. He should stop whining, 'cause it led to nothing but depression and this place here was enough depresseion he didn't need another one.

Later that evening he sat on a table in the recreation room, doing some homework. According to what he had called homework in this Harbor School, this was nothing, but needed to be done, if he didn't want to get trouble. He hated this word. But it was useless even trying to do it properly. His thoughts were bothered with other things than mathematical equations. He never had thought that he would miss the conversations with Seth about him and his girls. Okay, he more missed Seth's monologues. It always had been fun to listen to him. Seth was quite a good talker and he admired him for that. Before he had met Seth for him every single word was more than a fight, but he had shown him that talking wasn't as hard as he thought it was, although he still was not good in talking and this here wasn't going to improve it.

"Ryan, can you help me with math?" It was a Joey. He was eight, short, skinny and wore glasses, in conclusion the best victim for their educators and the other kids around here.

"Sure." He answered.

"Okay, I only go and get my stuff." He liked the boy. Not only because he was sorry for him, because of the way he was treated by the others. Joey was a smart little boy and maybe the most kind-hearted kid he ever had met. He didn't understand why they weren't able to find a family for him. Why did they find families for those who only made trouble instead of those who really deserved to have a loving family? Okay, here he was. He hadn't been like Joey, but there had been someone who had wanted him as a part of hisfamily, thus he figured that this question was in somehow screwed. Fuck, he never had thought that he really would miss all of them and he never had thought that he would consider the Cohens as his family. At leats he even didn't consider his biological mother as a Mum. Okay, maybe this whole topic was in somehow screwed and racking his brain about it only would drvie him nuts, thus he drove this topic away. Far, far away.

He heard something falling onto the ground. He turned round. No it wasn't something, it was someone. Joey. Cole, his 'special educator' had tripped him and now was starting to grasp Joey's at his neck, lifting him of the ground that Joey's feet had no contact to the ground.

"How often do I have to tell you, to take care of where you walk?" He asked him, frightening.

"So…sorry. Cole. I didn't mean to bother you." Joey answered shy and sobbing.

"No, this time was one time too much…" He knew what this meant. He got up and went to Cole.

"Why don't you look for one on your eye level?" He looked into Cole's eyes, knowing that he would flip if he didn't show respect and compliancy.

"And you think you're this special one on my eye level?" Cole let Joey down.

"Have a crack at it and you'll see."

"You wanna provoke me?"

"Shut up and knock me down." Cole turned around to his other educator friends, all nodding in agreement. He knew that now he had navigated himself into two years trouble twenty-four seven.

"Okay." With these words Cole hauled off and the next he felt was a stabbing pain on his left side of his face. He remained standing, as if nothing had happened. He had accepted harder punches than this one. This was not even close to what A.J. could have done to him, when he had been drunk and in rage.

"Looks like you're slow off the mark." The next punch hit his stomach region, but he remained on his feet. It wasn't like he didn't want to defend himself. The question was whether it was a good thing to do so, with all the other educators around. Three against one. No, he wouldn't win this. Cole grabbed him on his shoulders and with all his force he pushed him against the hard brick wall behind them. His breath stopped for a few seconds after his back hit the wall. No, this was nothing good. Now Cole had started to have fun. He punched his side, as if he was nothing more than a lifeless meat. Again and again, left right, left right. He bit his teeth, for not starting to cry out the pain he was in after what felt like a hundred punches in his side. After an eternity Cole stopped beating him and let off of him.

"You should have piped down, because now I'm going to be your worse nightmare." Cole hissed. When he had left with his friends, he slowly slid down the wall. He has had no idea what hurt most. His side, his head? He closed his eyes. It felt as if everything was spinning around. When he opened his eyes again, it took a little bit until his vision was clear again.

"Ryan, are you…are you okay?" He heard Joey saying. No he was not, but you can't tell a kid.

"Yepp." He said and slowly got up, with one hand on the wall, just in case he was losing his balance.

"Sure?" This big green eyes looked at him.

"Sure, just sit down right there. I'll come in a sec and we do your math homework." He answered. Joey nodded and went to the table where he had sat.

Then he went to the lavatories. In the mirror he examined his eye. This was going to be a nice look, but there was nothing bleeding or anything, he had no trouble with his vision only a slight headache. His head was okay. And the rest of his body? This probably was going to be nice coloured. He splashed cold water into his face to cool the bruise in his face and then went out. In the hallway he met Cole again.

"At the end of this week, you're going to wish you'd be dead." Then he had to be glad that his wishes never were going to become true. He didn't say anything, but headed to Joey.


	4. Chapter 4

And here's an new chapter. Hope you'll like it. Read, have fun and enjoy :)

* * *

**T**he doorbell rang. He went and opened the door. He was surprised to see Marissa.

"Hey, what do you want?" He asked. He had thought she had understood what he had told her in school and that he didn't want her around him anymore, after all what had happened or better what had not happened.

"I wanted to tell you that I had my reasons as I acted like I did. He never was talking to me. He told me nothing about his past or his feelings. I needed to force him to do so and then his never ending jealousy. This was much more hurting than anything else, so don't tell me how bad I've been towards him. He didn't deserve any better!" She screamed. This blew the top. She wasn't really blaming his friend, brother for what had happened or not happened, didn't she?

"He wouldn't have been jealous if you haven't given him reasons to and you knew from the very beginning that talking isn't his favourite subject."

"But…"

"Marissa it's not about what you've done, but about what you haven't done and fact is that you haven't been there for him. While Summer, Luke, my parents and I had tried to prevent that form happening, you never had occurred. You've let him down, when he really could have needed your company.

"But…"

"But it's fainéant to talk about it now, because he's gone and probably will never come back again. So, just stop this and let me alone with it."

"Do you know what? Don't blame me for him being incapable to control his aggressions. If he wouldn't have acted like a total idiot, he wouldn't sit in this mess now. He should be glad that he didn't end up in jail, where he belongs to." She screamed at his face and turned around. What had she said? It was his fault? Never. And jail? He belonged into jail only for for what? He hadn't done anything wrong. Man, this girl was screwed. He was such in rage that he slammed the door and went into the living room.

Now he stood there, thinking what he could do. Play Station wasn't any fun without Ryan, but who else was going to play with him? Summer hated it and his father, who had tried to several times, wasn't even close to Ryan's level. Maybe he should go out with his Summer Breeze, but alone? Shit, he wasn't able to do anything on his own. What had he done all the years before Ryan had come into this house?

"Hey, who was it at the door?" His father asked.

"Nobody."

"So you started soliloquizing."

"What?"

"If there was nobody you had quite a conversation to this nobody." He hated it, when his father was trying to cheer him up.

"It was Marissa."

"You shouldn't be that hard towards her. Anyway she and Ryan had broken up with each other. She wasn't responsible for anything then."

"Sure, but Ryan didn't bother that they weren't a couple, when he saved her life in Tijuana."

"Seth, this is something complete different. In this case it had been about death or alive."

"And this is the same. Ryan is going to die in there. Maybe not physically, but he'll never be the same when he comes out of this institution. He's there alone, without his friends and on his own. I don't think that someone can deal with such a situation for much too long. I mean, he already has had this kind of shit before he came here and I'm sure he didn't need more of it." His father sighed and put a hand onto his shoulder.

"I know what you want to say, but I guess he's not alone, like he had been when he had lived or not lived with his Mum. I'm sure things are not as bad as they had been then."

"And what about: they couldn't have found a worse place for him or he'll be glad when he makes it out of there without damage?" His father's face dropped.

"How…?"

"I know I shouldn't have listened to it, but he's my first and best friend and I think I have a right to know what's happening to him." And he was his brother and he was noisy. And if his parents didn't want him to listen to their conversations, they should shut the door behind them or better talk a little quiter. Or better they stopped trying to have secrets from him, because this was impossible.

"And with you as his friend, he won't be alone." His father stated, hugged him. "I'll try to help him."

"But why did they decide that he had to go there? Why couldn't he stay here? He hadn't done anything wrong okay despite this little housebreaking at school, but you know that he has had his reasons for that." His father sighed again. He looked at him, but his father wasn't looking back at him. This was more than curious. His father was avoiding looking at him.

"Okay Dad, what's wrong? What do you conceal?" He knew his father and he knew how it looked liked, when he was hiding something.

"I can't tell you yet."

"Does Mum know?" His father shook his head slightly. Okay that meant it was serious.

"Has it to do with Ryan?" His father didn't react. "Dad, c'mon I wanna help him, so tell me what you know!"

"What does your father know?" They heard his mother from behind. She looked tired. This whole taking-Ryan-away-thing had strained her, visibly.

"I don't know, but I guess it has something to do with Ryan." Seth stated. Together with his Mum he maybe could get his father talking.

"What? And you didn't tell me anything?" His Mum put her bag frustrated on the counter.

"Sorry, but I can't tell you." His father tried to get out of the cage he was caught in now.

"And why not?" Now his Mum was leading the conversation. Maybe it was better that way. She always got to hat she wanted and she knew how to handle his father and she wouldn't get grounded if she started to be insulting.

"Because it's … it's kinda strange…curious and…and I have to prevent suspicions which could lead us into hell's kitchen."

"Sandy, what has happened?" His Mum summoned his Dad.

"The Police told me that Ryan had bashed someone up fit for the hospital." What!? No. Ryan wasn't one of these screwed kids. This…when? They've always been together…he should have known about that or? This…He wasn't able to put his thoughts into words. He looked at his Mum and she was as stunned as he.

"But…but why don't we know anything about this? Shouldn't have the Police talked about this to us?"

"The victim hasn't filled charges."

"And they…what? I mean, if Ryan had beaten him up that bad…this doesn't make sense…I…I can't believe that." His Mum said.

"I don't know what to think about it. You know that he's easily reacting like this. He's not a person for letting words speak about his…his emotions. It wouldn't be the first time he reacts like this and, you know…Ryan's file contains enough bad news to believe that it had happened that way."

"Dad, you don't really believe this or?" He asked his father, reluctant to believe that his father still thought of Ryan as a smash-kid.

"In the moment I don't believe anything. I only believe in facts and those are that there were no attestors that could tell something different and that Ryan wouldn't have reacted violent for the first time."

"But Dad, he's…he's Ryan, how can you start taking sides with someone, you even don't know?" He was in rage. Ryan was his friend, no violent pervert who liked to kicks someone's ass. When he started doing this he has had his reasons. No, he never would beat up someone without reason. He has had enough of that by himself; he wouldn't do this to other people. No, although he never would show it, but he was a kind-hearted person, who felt for others…and…

"And who was it? Who was the person he had beaten up allegedly?"

"Exactly this question is why I didn't want to tell you, because this is the weirdest thing about all this. You know, we've all thought that this was over, but as…"

"Sandy, who?!"


	5. Chapter 5

No, I'm not giving you the answer to the question who, yet ;)

* * *

**S**he sat down on the bed, on his bed. The room still smelled after his aftershave and him. It felt hard to believe all this. But what could she do otherwise? There was enough reason that it had happened this way and she could understand Ryan, in somehow. But why? He was a smart kid. He should have known that this was going to destroy everything. He knew that this would happen. He already had gotten to know the consequences and she couldn't believe that he hadn't leanrd his lesson from that.

Why wasn't he able to talk to them? What had they done wrong that he still didn't trust them? Had the whole Oliver thing hurt him that bad that he mistrusted them? But why hadn't he left? Okay, probably because he would have ended up in jail, if he had ran away again. But how could such a good kid do something like that? What went wrong? What led him to do something like that? He wasn't such a ruthless and cold person. But it all fit into the same pattern. The same pattern he showed when he had the feeling someone he loved was in danger. Why wasn't he able to let things go their way? Why couldn't he this single time have thought of himself? It…it just was too hard to believe this. She heard someone entering the room. It was her husband. He sat next to her and took her into his strong arms.

"I…I just can't believe this. He's a good kid and he's smart." She said.

"Yes and maybe this is his problem. He realizes danger way sooner it occurs and he only wants to fight it. He wants to save all he loves. I guess he still hasn't recognized that there are other ways to save someone, despite fighting."

"But what have we done wrong that he still doesn't talk to us and doesn't trust us? I…why weren't we able to show him that there are other ways to solve a problem?" She had a bad feeling. If they only had been able to show him that he didn't need his fists to solve problems this probably wouldn't have happened.

"He grew up in a surrounding where violence and mistrust is the most normal thing on earth. Even in his family he wasn't save, but met violence and the only words which were lost, had been screamed. I think it's not easy to turn from this kind of habit into a complete different one." This was an explanation, but it wasn't enough for her. She wanted answers, but she wanted them from him. But she never would get them. She would never see him again. Why hasn't she taken him into an embrace more often? Why hadn't she told him more often that he was like a son for her, that she loved him? Why hadn't she been able to give him the feeling of trust and security? Why hadn't he been able to talk to her? What was leading such a kid to such actions? Why had he to leave them?

"I…I only miss him so bad." She said and lend against her husbands shoulder, before she started to cry.

"Who had thought that we would grow fond with him that strong?" He asked. She only shrugged her shoulders. She never had thought that and she felt miserable about all her suspicions concerning the boy and the fact that she had thought of him as a good-for-nothing-criminal when she even hadn't met him.

"I just want him back." She begged and looked into her husband's eyes. He sighed.

"But what can I do about it? There's no way I can attest that these things hadn't happened he's accused for or not accuse for." She felt how her chest became tighter and tighter.

"Can't you just give it a try? When he first came here, you've convinced me not to give him up, although after all what had happened. Now I want to convince you not to give him up. He's a good kid and when this really had happened, there'll be an explanation why it had happened."

"Do I get you right, when I say you don't believe what the Police had said?"

"I dunno. It's…it's just the same situation we have had once and I don't wanna let him down again like we've down the first time." Her husband nodded.

"I'll see what I can do, but I can't promise anything." He said and gave her a kiss. He swayed her, still in his arms. He was calming her down and he was giving her a glimpse of hope.


	6. Chapter 6

**H**e lay on the bed reading a book. He heard steps and then someone sat down on his bed. He looked at the person who had sat down on his bed. It was Joey. A very sad Joey. He laid the book away and sat up.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked Joey. He shrugged his shoulders. He hadn't any bruises or grazes, what meant they hadn't tortured him as usually, when he came to him.

"Hey, you wouldn't sit here, if everything was okay." It was difficult to help people if they didn't talk, but he also knew that talking was such an easy issue as people pretended it to be.

"I know I should take this chance and I should be glad that I get this one, but…but I feel bad about it." Joey said. He understood nothing.

"Okay, maybe you tell me from the beginning what had happened?"

"There is someone, who wants to give it a try with me. You know someone who wants to take me out of here…you know, these people I had spent a few weekends with…I dunno I should be glad but…"

"But?" He felt relieved that a kid like Joey finally had found someone, who was going to teach him what love and family meant. Why wasn't he happy about it?

"I don't want to go." He said quietly.

"Why not?"

"What if they decide that this is a huge mistake? What if I mess it up and they change their minds about me?" These thoughts were the worse of all. He knew them. Although the Cohens then had confirmed him that his fears about it weren't going to become true, he had lived with these thought due the whole time he had lived with the Cohens. He hadn't been able to get rid of them. In somehow each day had been a little tightrope walk. He never really had been able to figure out what he was doing at the Cohens. Had he really been there, because they had wanted him to be part of their family? C'mon dude, even your own mother had been reluctant you being around her, why should someone else want you to be? Most reasonable was that they needed someone for Seth or that they have had some kind of bad conscience or maybe both. Who knew? But it was worth nothing to think about it. So he just drove these thoughts away.

"Don't worry about that. Only be you. Don't even try to be someone else and I swear they'll never regret their decision." He had tried to be someone else and the result was a fight with the water polo team and a burnd down house.

"But…but what if for example...so... when I drop a glass or a plate or…"

"Don't worry about that. Being adopted doesn't mean that you have to be perfect and they're not going to demand that from you. They know you and they know that all this isn't easy for you and I guess they'll help you to find you're way into their family. You only have to let them lead you a little."

"But when I'm gone you'll be alone here." He had to laugh inwardly. Such a little boy and so big concerns.

"Don't worry about me. I'm old enough to care for myself. Just be happy about your big chance and don't be bothered by me."

"So you're really okay with it?"

"Sure, I'm happy for you."

"Can I come and visit you… or meet somewhere?"

"Sure we can, when ever you want."

"Joey, can we go?" A female voice asked, Joey's new Mum. She looked as if she really was going to care good for Joey, with her warm smile and smooth face. Joey got off and went to her. And he lay back, with his book. In somehow this woman reminded him of Kirsten and he felt heavy around his heart. He never really had thought that he would miss her, that he would miss Sandy, that he would miss Seth. But he does and this was the worse part of all. If he at least was allowed to see and talk to Seth once in a while, this would help him. But nothing like that. It was, as if these people never had existed in his life.

"Thank you." She said. He looked up again. The woman stood there, looking at him. He looked questioning at her, not knowing what she was regarding to.

"For helping Joey through this. He really likes you. I hope you don't mind staying in contact?"

"No it's okay." He had no clue, what this was about, but he knew when they entered their home, he was forgotten. But he didn't bother. The woman nodded and then left and he started to read the same page from the beginning for the third time.

He came back late from his job. He wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible, but he needed money, at least for a bus ticket to Austin. Thus he worked as a waiter in a club. But saving the money wasn't as easy, because Cole took nearly every cent from him. He was tired and only wanted to brush his teeth and go to bed. When he entered the lavatory Cole was already waiting for him. He sighed and pretended as if he didn't notice him. Cole came closer and he was feeling his breath in his neck. Automatically he took some money, which he had earned that evening, out of his pocket and handed it to him, wordless. Cole took it, but he didn't leave him as usually and this made his heart beat faster. Every fibre in his body strained immediately. He was ready, for everything coming towards him, ready to defend, ready to…No, this was not going to happen. He felt Coles hand on his butt.

"You'd better don't try to take the piss out of me or I'll take the last single bit of dignity scum like you still posses." With these words Cole pressed his crotch tight on his butt. He had trouble to remain calm and not to break Cole's nose bone through a beat with his elbow. Instead he took the rest of the money out of his pocket and gave it to him.

"Thanks." Cole said and left him. When he was gone all tension was drained out of his body and his legs started to shake. He immediately went to bed, without brushing his teeth, without taking a shower, without putting his cloths off. He just slipped under the blanket and curled up, making himself as small as possible. He began to feel like being a twelve year old, helpless and abandoned boy. He began to feel worthless, like an object, a thing without any value. He fought against this feeling. He couldn't allow it to spread out and to occupy every single fibre of his body. He had to fight against believing this feeling. He closed his eyes and scenes from his past ran through his mind. One and the same scene again and again: his Mum, whisky in one hand a cigarette in the other one, laughing at him - about him.


	7. Chapter 7

Here I am. In the moment I'm not 100% sure which direction my story is going to take, thus ideas are very welcome and I'm open for nearly everything ;)

* * *

**O**f course, when things were becoming interesting the kids were sent out of the room and that exactly had happened, when his father had wanted to answer his mother's question who had accused Ryan for beating him up. So, he didn't know who it was. Why not? Did his parents think that Ryan might have rubbed off of him that much that he was going to beat this special person up? If they really thought that, they were right, nah not recording to his violent part, because he properly would lose every fight he started or not started. But Ryan has had some positive influence. He had won self-confidence, he had stopped letting people treat him like shit and he had started to act instead of talking. Okay, he still was talking a lot, but nevertheless, Ryan had made clear to him that actions sometime worked better than words, what didn't mean that he lost his personality and had changed into the whole Ryan type of character but…

"Hey Seth, what's up?" It was Summer who stood in the middle of his room.

"Uh…uhm nothing why?" He was a little confused, as usual when someone dragged him out of his thoughts.

"Good, let's go." She reached out her hand to him.

"What? Where do we wanna go to?"

"Uh… I just want to check this new club. Luke and Marissa come as well." Luke? Marissa? Okay, he could cope with this Neanderthal of person, but Marissa? After all he had said to her? This was going to be fun, but if he…

"Maybe Marissa and I in the same room together is not such a good idea." He intervened.

"No."

"No?"

"She said, she was okay with that and that she can understand you're mood. Anyway you and Ryan nearly had been liked brothers so…"

"Wait and only because she's okay with that I have to go? Maybe I'm not okay with that?" How could…

"You're okay with that too."

"But…"

"Otherwise you can look for another woman you can name your boat after." He hated it, when she acted that way. He hated to be under pressure, but unfortunately this was working. He just wasn't strong enough to withstand these threats. Maybe because he has had a tough fight to get her and now he only needed to regain some strength…

"C'mon they won't wait the whole day." She grabbed his hands and dragged him out of his room. When they reached the hallway they met his father.

"Hey Summer, nice to see you again. What are your plans for tonight?"

"Uhm…she wants to…"

"Just hanging out a bit and distract him from his sad thoughts. Bye Mr. Cohen!" And with these words they left the house.

Now they stood in the middle of nowhere and it was dark.

"And why do we wait in front of the service entry of a club called Purple Shambles, although the main entrance is on the opposite side?" He was a bit annoyed. When Summer had told him that they were going out, he had hoped that they were doing something funny, but waiting here in the dark - with no light at a place nobody liked to be alone - was everything else than fun.

"Shut up and wait Cohen." Summer answered.

"Sure, I'm only doing this already for a half an hour."

"Seth just let us surprise you." Marissa said.

"You want to surprise me?"

"Seth, where is your problem? I…"

"Could we stop this for a moment and focus this door?" Summer said and pointed at the entry. It opened and a person stepped out, lit a cigarette and put the cowl of his shirt over his head.

"Hey, Chino!" Summer called out. He was confused. What was she doing? Talking to a stranger that way only could get you into trouble that was for sure.

"Hey, don't try to pretend as if you don't know us anymore!" She called after the stranger. He was tapping her arm, to tell her that what she was doing, wasn't the best idea for starting having fun. Oh…oh, now the stranger was turning towards them.

"Maybe we'd better go now." He whispered into Summer's ear.

"Where's your problem Cohen?"

"That…" He looked towards the stranger and couldn't believe. "Ryan! Man what are you doing here? How are you? How did Summer know that you were here? Do you've been in contact without telling me? Why haven't you stay in contact with me? Does things…"

"Shut up Cohen." Luke said. He again focused Ryan and this shy and surprised smile appeared up on his face.

"Wow guys. That's…what are you doing here?" He said.

"Cohen started to be annoying and we thought that a little visit might help against it." Summer answered. Ryan looked questioning at him.

"Man, I'm sorry to say that, but I missed you." He said and hugged Ryan. Okay, Ryan hated this, but man he was so glad to see him again and alive that he couldn't hold back.

"Uh…I hope that you're not getting into trouble by this." He said. He bounced fists with Luke and then stepped to Marissa. It was obvious that both had no idea how to react. Marissa took the initiative and hugged him.

"Hello, and what about the woman who had arranged that meeting?"

"Of course." Ryan said and hugged her as well. "Thank you." He said to her.

"So what are we doing now?" Summer asked.

"Do you have to go uh…home…right now or can we hang out a bit?" Marissa asked.

"I'm already too late, so…" Ryan answered. Wow, was he glad to see this guy again.

Now they sat on a bench, eating Pizza and talking. Okay, Ryan was more listening while they told him the newest school and Newport gossip. It never had been different. They were talking, Ryan listening, but it was strange in somehow and he had no explanation what it was.

"Hey, what happened to your eye?" Luke asked Ryan.

"Uh…little accident." Ryan answered, focusing the ground. Hadn't he already left this state and went over into a more communicative one? At least he had looked at the people he was talking to.

"Accidentally you ran into someone's fist?" Luke asked. Ryan only shrugged his shoulders and gave a bashful smile.

"And is it okay, where you live now?" Marissa asked.

"Yeah, I mean it's not a pool house, but there's a roof above me and I have a bed and get something to eat so nothing to bellyache about."

"Sure. Someone punches you right into your face and you still say thank you." He got up and went off. He had no idea why he had said this. In somehow he was annoyed be Ryan's behaviour. Why the fuck did he accepted his situation like that? Where was his will to fight? He was living in one of the worse foster homes and he pretends as if everything was alright. But nothing was alright. Ryan had become a victim of some cruel game and he just sat there, telling everyone that it was alright.

"Hey, dude what's wrong?" Ryan had reached him. They stood far away from the others. Maybe he should use this chance to do some private talk, between friends…brothers…friends…whatever.

"You're lying." Ryan frowned. "You have to live in a foster home, without contact to your friends and you have a black eye. Don't tell me that things are alright."

"Seth…I…" Ryan sighed. He was thinking. "Look, it's not like I wouldn't miss you and Summer and Luke, Marissa, your parents. I miss them, I miss you really. But…it could have gotten worse and this foster home isn't as bad as you think."

"What could be worse than this?"

"Living together with my Mum and her boyfriends,…maybe?" Shit. He had dropped that brick. He should have known a little better. He just had forgotten that Ryan already has a past. Henever really had talked about it, but he could assum that it wasn't very colourful one.

"Seth, don't worry about me. It's no use to do so." Ryan, as he was. Don't be concerned about me, because I could disappoint you. He never had said these words, but he was sure that this was what stood behind it.

"Do you wanna know, why they decided you to life in this foster home?" Seth asked. He wanted Ryan to know the truth. He needed to help him, thus he needed to know what he was saying about the story his father had told him. And it might help Ryan to find his will to fight back. Ryan shook his head.

"They say, you've beaten someone up, quite bad and that you only didn't end up in jail, because this special someone didn't file a charge." He spoke in low voice. He didn't want the others to know.

"No." Ryan said. He saw how his head was working and how anger grew up inside of him. "I didn't beat up someone. I…Oliver was the last one I…and he deserved it…but…no!" Ryan didn't raise his voice, but he obviously was fighting for keeping control. He was clenching his fist, while he looked at him.

"But who could tell something like this about you?"

"No idea." There was a kind of panic in his eyes, mixed with confusion. "Who told you all this?" From one state into another. There was something wrong and he would find out what it was.

"My Dad."

"Oh." He saw that Ryan felt uncomfortable.

"Calm down buddy. I'll find out who it is and then you can come back again, I promise." He said. Ryan sighed. He had hoped that it has had more effect on his friend...brother...friend...whatever.

"Don't Seth…I don't think that this is a good idea. Look you only would navigate yourself into trouble and all this for nothing?"

"Ryan!"

"Seth, be realistic. If someone is able to do this without problem, just like that, you won't be able to do anything. And despite, how do you wanna find out who it was?"

"Let me just start and…"

"Seth, stop it. I'm okay with it and sometimes it's better if you just lose a fight." What was that? Who was this person? This never could be the Ryan he had met this one morning, because this Ryan would have fought for the truth until death. No, there was something wrong, but he wouldn't get Ryan telling him and dragging him to? No, better not, he didn't want to meet with one of his fists.

"But…" He started a new attempt. Failed.

"Seth…it's okay. We'd better go back to the others." They went back to the others. He still wasn't sure what to think about Ryan's reaction. That was that much not Ryan. Maybe someone had stolen his body and killed his animus.

"Hey, what about we meet regularly here?" Marissa asked when they were back. Ryan shrugged his shoulders.

"This is a good idea." Luke stated.

"Yes, we can once a week arrange a date and…"

"Sorry, but this is a little complicated. I have no regular shifts and…how do we wanna arrange a date though?" Ryan asked.

"Cell phone?" Summer asked.

"I have none. They've taken mine to avoid any contact with you guys." Man, how bad can things get? Who in the world was able to life without mobile?

"You can have mine, if you want to." Marissa offered.

"Uh…I…I don't think that's a good idea. I…don't wanna get more trouble as necessary." Ryan said shyly. There was something wrong. He was lying to him he was lying to all of them, only to pretend as if everything was alright? What was this good for? Ryan usually never used to abandon himself into a situation. Why now?

"Just take it in case something happens to you, okay?" Marissa said softly. How did she do that? Although they were no couple anymore, she still knew how to handle Ryan. Maybe there still was a connection between them and both didn't want to admit it. Nevertheless, he felt relieved that Ryan now had a mobile. If now something bad happened to him, he could call for help. He could call him.


	8. Chapter 8

"**D**on't you think you should talk about this to him?" He asked his father. He didn't understand why his father hadn't talked to Ryan, as he usually did, when it was about Ryan.

"Seth, they've forbade to contact him. If I offend against this condition, who knows what will happen next to him?" This was a lame excuse. His father never cared about ruels when it was about his family. This case, his grandfather was involved in, was the best example. Why was it different when it was about Ryan? Did his father .... no this couldn't be true. After all he had been the one who had brought Ryan here. No, he couldn't believe that his father had let Ryan down. Or?

"But this is unfair. He's accused for something, he hasn't done." Maybe his father only needed a little support for his decision.

"And that's exactly what we don't know. You…"

"If he had done so, wouldn't he remember it?" He interrupted his father. Okay, this wasn't the most polite behaviour, but he had the feeling as if his father was blind. Someone was playing a cruel game on the expense of Ryan. He was relucatant to allow that. He would persuade his father.

"But we don't know if he…" His father looks at him. "Seth?" He asked dunning. "Pleas tell me that you have not met him." Okay, he either could make his father proud by telling him: no I haven't met him - or he could tell him the truth. Not much of a choice or?

"It depends on your point of view. If you define to meet someone as arranging a date and then meet, no I haven't met him. But if you define it as just meeting him like seeing him, it's possible that …"

"Seth!" He hated it when his father raised his voice.

"Okay, I've met him last night."

"Seth, they forbade us to meet him. Do you understand what that means? It means not seeing or talking to him." As if he was one of these dumb kids. Of course he understood what it meant, but understanding the rules didn't mean to follow them.

"Yes I know. They forbade the contact, but they didn't forbid us to go out at night." Oh yes, it was only a matter of interpretation.

"So you met him through an oversight?"

"Yes…no. Summer had found out where he's working at and we went there and…met him." He hated to lie to his Dad, because if he found out about it, he was going to be grounded. Better was to tell the whole truth.

"Oh my God. Do you know what this may have as consequences?" Uhm... no, he didn't. But he also didn't care, so why wasting time on thinking about it?

"No, but I don't see any reason why I shouldn't be able to see him." He started to justify.

"It's not about…"

"And how is he?" His Mum asked from behind. Since when did she come home that early? Wasn't she some kind of workaholic? At least it had seemed like that. Okay, the whole situation at home had changed since Ryan was gone. His Mum wasn't as raring anymore and she was crying a lot. And yes, this was frightening him, but there was nothing he could do about it. Although he would have liked her more laughing, like she normally used to do. He never had thought that his Mum had so intense feelings for Ryan. Had he thought that she was okay with him living here only to make him and his Dad happy. But no, she really liked Ryan. He saw how his father threw an angry glance at his Mum. His Dad had changed as well. He never before had hidden important facts from his Mum. Yes, things got strange since Ryan had left.

"He's…good…no, not good, but he's…" How was Ryan? He had spent last night with him, he ought to know that. He can't tell his Mum about his suspicion how Ryan felt in real, because she would start to go postal. On the other hand, he can't tell his parents that he was good, because it would seem like Ryan was glad about leaving them.

"He's not really good, but he's okay." This was a good balance between both options.

"What does okay mean?" Alright, his answer would have been a balance, if he hadn't had to explain it.

"Uhm…" His Mum looked demanding at him and he hated, when she looked at him that way.

"He's not sock or something. But he…he behaves weird, in somehow. I dunno. I had the feeling as if he doesn't know me or as if I don't know him or best, as if we meet for the first time." Yes that was it. He had acted in his whole shy I-don't-know-you way, like not talking more than necessary or not really looking at him. It had been like a repetition of their first meeting.

"So he's back to old habits?" His father asked.

"Maybe."

"Maybe he only was a little surprised to see you there." His Mum found an explanation. He hoped that she was right with it.

"And do you think you'll meet him again?" His Mum asked.

"I think so. Marissa had given Ryan her mobile. We can contact him now."

"You know that you'll end up in hell's kitchen if this comes out?" His father asked.

"I know, but as I said, I don't see there any plausible explanation why I shouldn't be allowed to see him." There it was and nobody was able to forbid this.


	9. Chapter 9

Huhu, I don't know how nasty I going to be, but I still think I leave the main question unanswered. chiclete: yes, your idea is good, but it still all depends on my stat of nastiness;) So have fun!!

* * *

**H**e was tired. It had been a rough day. First he had to fulfill the whole bunch of foster home duties and then he had to meet with Joey. Who had thought that he had meant it, when he said that he wanted to meet him once in a while? Although he had been already tired due to all his former duties, he had agreed. He wasn't able to say no. The meeting didn't last too long, because he had to go to work either this day. His shift had been rough and he only hoped that he wasn't going to meet Cole, because today he wouldn't be able to hold back. If he was honest towards himself, he didn't want to go back. But he hadn't enough money to leave this state and just run away like that and without aim would break his neck. Jail? No, not again. Thus his only option which remained was staying here as long as possible and working his hands to the bones until he had the money he needed for heading to Austin. Slowly he walked through the dark street. There were no lights, nothing.

"Ryan?" He heard a voice, a well known one either. He stopped and turned around. He saw Sandy sitting on the same bench Seth had sat on. What was he doing here? He always had thought that getting into trouble had been his part. But as it seemed the Cohens had started to adopt it from him.

"Hey, what are you doing here? Didn't they say something about any contact?"

"Indeed they did, but they can't forbid me to go out at night." He only nodded. He had no idea what to think about all this. He had known why he had to leave them and hadn't told him anything about it. In somehow he felt betrayed through that. He has had a right to know why they forced him into this fucking foster home. At least he had thought that he has had a right to know why his life deceloped into this special direction. But nothing like that. And even the person he thought he could trust had known it, but didn't sayanything. What was he now supposed to think of this man? This man lied to him.

"Don't you want to sit down?" He shrugged his shoulders. It was strange. The whole situation was strange. He sat down next to Sandy, but leaving a gap between them.

"You've met Seth?" Sandy started his usual warm-up chit-chat. He only nodded. He didn't feel like talking in the moment. He had lost his will to talk.

"Okay. And he told you why you're here now." Sandy stated.

"Yepp." That was all. There was nothing more to say. He hadn't told him anything. He just had let it happen. He just had watched…Well who cared? But he shouldn't think that he was going to do a soul striptease in front of him. No this was not going to happen.

"And what do you think of it?"

"Does it really matter what I'm thinking about?" He didn't want to waste words if they meant anything.

"I don't know, but it could help." It could help. Sure. It never helped. No matter what he said, nobody trusted him, until it was too late.

"I haven't beaten up someone. Oliver had been the last one." He focused the floor. He felt how Sandy's glances tried to penetrate him. They wouldn't succeed. He had closed up again otherwise he wouldn't survive Cole and his friends.

"I thought you was going to say that." He said in his know-it-all-voice.

"You don't believe me." This was no question, this was a statement. He could hear it. It was the way Sandy was talking to him. Like: congratulations dude, you've messed it up again.

"It's no question about whether I believe you or not. It's a question about facts and these facts militate against you."

"Facts. And what are the facts? That I'm a little fucked up from Chino who beats up the captain from the water polo team and burns down other people's homes?" He didn't mean it, but he had no idea how to react different. He felt caught in a trap. He was caught in a trap and now they started to blame him for it. How else was he supposed to react? Jumping of joy?

"This also doesn't have a positive impact to the whole thing." Sandy said. Wow, this was how one was going to encourage you. But of course he wasn't here to encourage him, but to tell him that it was hopeless and maybe he also was here to see that he was still alive.

"Damn it Ryan, what did you think when you…" This was it. This man really thought he was lying.

"I didn't think anything, because I have done nothing wrong. I haven't beaten up anybody."

"Ryan…"

"What the fuck are you doing here? If you come here to tell me that everything is hopeless, you could have spared yourself that, because I already know it and…"

"Ryan…"

"And if you come here to blame me, you better would piss off now." He was in rage. He didn't expect this man doing anything in this case. But he could have expected a little understatement or something like that. No, he could have expected that he believed him. Nothing had changed. It was as usual. He was the fucked up liar. He got up and wanted to go.

"Ryan, wait. You got me wrong." He felt how Sandy put his hand on his shoulder, he drew aside. He looked over Sandy's left shoulder, not into his face, especially not into his eyes.

"You should forget that I ever existed in you life." He only said and then went away, leaving Sandy alone without waiting for a reaction. If someone asked him why he had reacted like that, he wasn't able to answer it. It just was his way to get out of such a situation. It was his way to deal with what had happened.

It was late again and he saw Cole sitting on his bed. He ignored him, only threw the money on the bed hoping he would leave him. No luck. Not for him. In the mirror of the lavatory he could see Cole's face. His heart beat speeded up and tension spread through his whole body.

"Hey sweetie, how long do you think I can control myself." He came closer and closer.

"I hope for the rest of your life."

"Uh…c'mon, don't be annoying, this doesn't match you." Cole started touching him everywhere. Reflex. He pushed Cole against the cold and tiled wall behind him, pressing his underarm against his throat. He heard how Cole was struggling for a breath.

"Don't dare to step over this edge, because I'm going to break every single bone of your body if you'll dare to." He hissed. He saw how Cole lost his coolness. He was weak, not able to reply to a real threat. How should he? He never had lived in a place like Chino. He held Cole in this position for a while and then let him free.

"You'll lie on the floor, whining and begging me for relieve." He whispered into his ear. He felt how Cole's grasp on his butt was becoming tighter and tighter. He wanted to, but he couldn't. He only could lose this. If he now gave Cole what he deserved, he would end up in jail for approximately…three years? He had to prevent this. He never wanted to be like his father or his brother or like one of his mother's boyfriends. It was a tough aim, but it was the only thing keeping him out of jail. Cole was still there. No, he would lose it. His file gave enough information that he would have been the one who had started the fight. It was as if his whole future was already written down and they only needed to look it up in a file to find out the truth. He lowered his breaths. He needed to stay calm. Slowly he felt how Cole was moving…he was…he………he went off. When he was sure that Cole was gone he took a deep breath. He wanted to splash some water into his face, but his hands were shaking. It was no use. He went to bed. Without brushing his teeth, without taking a shower, without putting his cloths off. He only slipped under the blanked and curled up, making himself as small as possible. He tried to hide. He tried to hide from Cole, from his mother, from his dreams and his past. He only wanted to hide in a deep black hole without noises and feelings, tastes and smells. He only wanted to hide in a deep black hole, where nobody was able to find him and he was alone. Unfortunately he knew that there was not such a place on earth and he was afraid of the one solution which could lead him to this place.


	10. Chapter 10

And now the answer to my main question! If one of you had already knwon it before, please let me know ;) Have fun!!!!!

* * *

**M**onday sucks, especially without Ryan. His father had told him about his meeting with Ryan. But what his father had described as Ryan's behaviour was so not-Ryan. What was going on with this boy? Okay, he never had talked a lot. But he never had reacted defensive towards them or? Why had he been aggressive towards his Dad? Ryan usual had followed their family ruels like: no alcohol, no drugs and no aggression against family members. Where was his problem? He started to be annoyed at not taking psychology into his schedule. This might have helped him to analyse Ryan's behaviour and answering the question of why he behaved like that. Uh…this was so not-Ryan.

"Hi Seth." Marissa greeted him and she looked like she was very felicitously. She wore a big smile on her face and she seemed as if she had forgotten everything he had said straight into her face.

"Hey Marissa. What's wrong with you?" He asked suspiciously.

"Uh…I dunno, maybe because I'll see a friend of mine again?" He hated this secretiveness. Why were girls not capable of giving clear and understandable answers?

"And who is this friend?" He asked. Yes, he was noisy.

"I dunno…" She started laughing. What was that funny about not knowing whom she was going to see again, although this was a friend of hers? Stop. How can one not know a friend?

"You want to tell me that you don't know this person you call a friend? How do I have to understand this?"

"Seth, you'll see whom I mean sooner or later." Hopefully sooner.

"Okay. Then have a nice day." What pills did she swallow and why had she forgotten them this morning? But back to the question what was going on with Ryan…it might be…he had no idea and he had to go to class now.

It took years until it was time for his free period. He wondered where Summer was. She hadn't sent a text, thus he did. He hoped she wasn't ill, because school without Summer and Ryan only with Luke? No, this was anything one was able to survive. It didn't take Summer long to text back. _I boycott Harbor School. Wait until you've seen or met the reason. Love you and see you later._ Okay, who was wearing the complete wrong outfit? He looked for people being clothed worse than he was. One moment, did she mean him? No, she wouldn't want to see him later then. Which reason? Why couldn't anybody tell him what was going on? He was confused. He wanted to know, why Marissa had been this disgusting happy this morning and he wanted to know, why Summer boycotted school. He never would have thought that he was glad to see Luke, but he was.

"Hey Luke!" He went towards him. Luke turned towards him, looking grimly at him. He only hoped that he wasn't going to beat him. He really looked upset. But he gave it a try.

"Can you tell me, why Summer isn't at school and what kind of friend Marissa will meet today?" He asked carefully. He didn't want to annoy Luke.

"Dude, do you really wanna know?" Okay, this sounded bad.

"Do I?" He didn't want to know if this meant meeting one of Luke's fist. But man, he was noisy.

"They let everybody enter this school." Luke mumbled. And he had to agree to Luke, otherwise Luke never would have been here. But this still didn't answer his question.

"Man, I wanna know why all people are acting weird today."

"Look, there." Luke said and pointed with his finger in Marissa's direction. There was nothing. What… Then he saw it by himself and he felt how his stomach turned upside down. He felt how rage grew in him. His muscles strained. No, this wasn't possible. No, this only could be a nightmare. They couldn't seriously allow that…these people come here. Freaks here at Harbor? Okay, he himself was a freak, but he was harmless, only harming other people by bothering them with his comics and maybe with his clothing. This freak? No, freak was not the right description. How did one call such a person?

"This is a fucked up thing, isn't it?" Luke asked him. He looked as if he was going to kick this person's ass and he for his part wouldn't be sad about it, if Luke did so.

"Oh yeah, real fucked up."

"And what are we doing now?" Luke asked. He shrugged his shoulders. He had no clue. The brain was missing the muscles. Okay, the muscles usually had been the brain as well. Where was Ryan when he needed him? He probably would know what to do or they would have to calm him down, before killing someone.

"Maybe we can ask Ryan?" Luke asked. Ryan?

"No, I guess it's better if he doesn't know about it. Anyway he couldn't do anything." Tell Ryan and he would run riot. He had to prevent Ryan from a three years visit at his brother's.

"But we have to do something. We have to make an example of."

"You're right. I'll do it the same way like Summer does."

"What?"

"I go home and I won't come back until they've corrected their mistake." This was it. He was not going to share a school with this person. Sure, his parents would try to force him and then ground him, but he would betray his friend…brother…friend…whatever when he accepted this.

"Okay, than I'll do the same." Luke said and with these words they both left school.

"Seth you did what?" His Mum screamed at him.

"I left school." He answered honestly.

"No, you ditched school." His father now horned in. Why can't they just sit down and listen to him first, before telling him off? He wasn't ditching school. He was boycotting school, this was something complete different from ditching school.

"Yeah. But I had my reasons and you already would know them, if you had let me tell you." Ha said.

"What reasons can a sixteen year old boy have for ditching school?" His Mum asked.

"Maybe the students are the problem?" His Dad sighed.

"Seth, we already had this conversation. I know without Ryan things are a little more complicated, but…" His father started his lecture. Why did he always get the wrong end of the stick?

"It's not about my class mates."

"So?" His Mum asked.

"They let pervy psychos enter the school that's why Summer, Luke and I decided not to go there, until this freak is gone."

"But you can't tell the school, who is allowed to go there and who not." His Mum said. And in somehow she was right, but not in this specific case.

"And you even don't know…"

"I already know him and I can't believe that he's back after his psycho-show and all he had done to us and to Ryan." Maybe now they understood him.

"Psycho-show?" His Mum asked. Man his parents really were slow on the uptake.

"You're not talking about…" His father looked stunned at him. Congratulations! After hours beating around the bush he had found out who is problem was.

"Yes, I am." He said.

"But is…I mean…is he ready for it…I thought he was…you know, after the whole thing?" His Mum asked. Wow, she was staggered. His Mum normally never stammered.

"I don't know. The only thing I know is that I'm reluctant to go to the same school like he does." A lot of students had said this sentence when Ryan had entered Harbor School and he had called them intolerant. Wow, and now he was doing the same. But his case was different, because they already knew this nut bar.

"Well, I can understand this. I'll call Dr. Kim. I guess I need to have a serious conversation with her." His father said.

"_We_ need a serious conversation with her." His Mum said. Wow, his parents on his side? They were sharing the same opinion? Since when? What had changed? Had he left his teeny-state and now was in one, you and your parents had the same point of view about serious things? It didn't matter. It only was important that his parents now started to react.

"But Seth, this doesn't mean that you're allowed to miss school, while we're trying to clarify this." His Mum said. Shit. Why can't they be a little more loyal towards him? On the one hand they told him they didn't like the idea that he was sharing the school with a pervert. On the other hand they insisted on him going to school even so. This was more than inconsistent. Why was Summer allowed to stay at home and he not?


	11. Chapter 11

Hi, it's me again. I hope you like this story. Reviews are still welcome and I'm working on my grammar and spelling problem ;) Have fun, read and enjoy!!!

* * *

**T**hey now sat in Dr. Kim's office. She was nervous. Her husband laid his hand gently onto her leg to calm her down, but it didn't help. After what felt hours Dr. Kim entered the room.

"Mrs. and Mr. Cohen, it's always a pleasure to meet you." She greeted them. Of course it was a pleasure, they paid an enormous amount of money and thus financed her income.

"Dr. Kim." Her husband stood up and both shook hands. She remained sitting. There was no need for being polite. This time Dr. Kim had made a big mistake and she wasn't going to let her through with this.

"So, what can I do for you?" Dr. Kim asked.

"Is it true that Oliver Trask entered your school again?" Her husband asked. It was better if he did the talk. He was the lawyer and used to this kind of situation. She probably would strangle her verbally.

"Yes, that's right. Why do you ask?" Hypocrisy. She knew why they were here.

"My wife and I are thinking of whether it's a good idea letting a kid with his background enter a school like Harbor School." Sandy said. How was he able to retain his composure in such a situation? She was in rage and she had trouble to keep it under the surface.

"Of course I have to acknowledge that Mr. Trask has had some problems lately, but he's working on it, successfully as I was affirmed." Successfully? They had seen how successful he had worked on his problems the last time. She wasn't ready to go over this bridge.

"And now he's back, just like that, without any conditions?" She intervened now, venting her anger.

"Mr. Trask is a very gifted young man, who needs to be assisted." This was enough reason to let this danger with two legs endangering her son? Sometimes she wondered which preconditions one needed to enter this school. Rich and spoiled?

"And what if he is going to suffer from a relapse? He easily could endanger the whole school." Her husband now stated.

"There are no signs that this might happen in the near future." Dr. Kim said. She was looking at this strict woman. And now she realized what was making her that angry. It wasn't the fact that Oliver Trask was back again. It was something else.

"May I ask why Mr. Trask is getting a special treatment?" She asked. She wasn't used to beat around the bush. She always got what she wanted through the direct way.

"I guess I don't understand your question." Dr. Kim answered, coldly smiling at her.

"I assume that you still remember the fight we've fought for Ryan being allowed to enter this school?" She asked. She still felt the fury she had felt back then. It had been unfair that such an intelligent boy like Ryan shouldn't have been allowed to enter the school, only because his parents didn't belong to the rich members of this Newport Society. Until then she never had thought that the Newport Society was interstratified with prejudices like that. But they only had heard the word 'Chino' and they thought to know what kind of boy Ryan was. Okay, his start in Newport had been a little bit troubled, but it hadn't been more than a chain reaction of unfortunate events.

"Of course I do. But you have to see that this had been a complete different case from Mr. Trask's one."

"Oh, and in which way different?" Her husband asked. The lawyer in her husband wanted every single information and then he pinned down his victim and that exactly what they were going to do with Dr. Kim.

"Ryan is obviously violent and according to his background this is nothing to wonder about." Nothing to wonder about? Had she forgotten about the boy's grades and the progress he had made? Now she saw red. Deep and dark red.

"His background?" She asked. "His background? This means that someone who grew up in a surrounding of violence, alcoholism and negligence is given less chances, as someone who grew up in mummy's and daddy's penthouse?" Yes, her husban's idealism had rubbed off on her and she was proud of it.

"Mrs. Cohen I think I don't have to explain to you that even children of parents that are better off, can suffer from problems like negligence and thus they can develop problems like Mr. Trask." She spoke in calm and quite, but determining voice and this was even more frustrating for her.

"I really can good imagine that Mr. Trask's parents don't pay enough attention to their son, but I can't imagine that he ever was abused by his parents, had to work for his parents alcoholism or was abandoned from them." Her husband looked questioning at her. Yes, she knew a bit more like he did, but this only was because of her being a female. Ryan didn't talk a lot of his past, but all those single times he had done so, still swirled through her mind. She had listened carefully to it and found out what had been going on in Chino, before he had met her husband. And yes, she was reading in his behaviour. In somehow she had developed a maternal instinct for him as well. He had become... a... son, in somehow.

"I can't give a statement to this. The only thing I know about it is that Mr. Trask really works on his problem, while Ryan still is retaining violence."

"What do you mean with 'still is'?" Her husband asked. Yes, what did she mean with that?

"Mr. Trask had asked me, whether Ryan still is a student at this school, because after Ryan had battered him he was afraid that this might happen again."

"C'mon, he has had a split lip. I wouldn't consider this as been battered." Her husband now answered.

"I'm not talking about the school fight." Dr. Kim said. She was shocked. How did she know about it? She wasn't supposed to know this or? Ryan was no student here anymore. She wasn't allowed to know that. And… Why in hell's name did she know that and they got to know it quite late?

"The statement of affairs is not evidenced. No one can tell how everything really befell and if it befell anyway." Her husband now turned into his whole lawyer character. She was glad that he was here. He knew how to handle such a situation. He knew how to talk to people like Dr. Kim.

"No matter what has happened or not, I'm committed to my decision regarding Mr. Trask. Even though after all what had happened, I really can imagine well that it happened the way Mr. Trask had described the incident to me. "

"If this is your last word." She said, got up and went to the door. She was reluctant to spend only seconds more in this room, together with this...bitch. Her husband followed her. She stormed through the hallway, heading to her son's class room. When she had reached it, she opened the door.

"Seth, we're going home." Her son looked confused at her. "Now." She said determining. She never was going to let her son go to the same school like a lunatic. He was her treasure and she had to save him. She hadn't been able to save Ryan, but she was able to save Seth and that was, what she was doing right now. Saving Seth. She couldn't bear, losing another son – her last son- likewise.


	12. Chapter 12

Here am I again! I know this is chapter is a little short, but nevertheless I hope you like it!

* * *

**H**e read the text message again and again. _Now you're in my hands. You're my puppet. You're under my control. You're mine and this time, nobody is there to stop me from loving you. _This message didn't make sense. Of course it was meant for Marissa. Panic ran through his body. Although they had broken up with each other, he still felt responsible for her, in somehow. If she was in danger, he never would forgive himself, if he hadn't rescued her. But maybe this was only some kind of sick joke. He scrawled down to see who had written it. No, no sick joke. Nothing but true and cruel astringency. Shivers ran down his spine. Now it made sense, because it was her mobile. He was back and he even was sicker than he had been the first time around. He had to warn her. He had to save her, but how? He was caught here. Shit. What the fuck did this pervert plan? This was nothing good and he had the feeling as if not only she, but also the other were in danger. He had to tell them. No, they would run panic and maybe this was what he wanted them to do. Every psychotic terrorist wanted his victims to panic and he wasn't going to help him reaching his aims. But he had to do something about it. He had to stop him. But how? Fury arose inside of him. Rage spread through his whole body. Knowing that his friends and…his family…foster family…family…whatever was in danger and he couldn't do anything against it was driving him nuts. He had to do something. He sat on his bed racking his brains, while he was reading the text over and over again. There had to be a solution. Maybe he only told Seth and he would talk to Sandy…shit. They probably wouldn't even believe him. They all were thinking that this freak was locked up in psychiatry until the end of mankind. They wouldn't believe that he was free and endangering their whole lives. Why in hell's name consisted his talent only in messing up things and losing other people's trust? He began to be nervous. Maybe it was already too late? He was annoyed with himself. His fucking talent to get into trouble had led him into the mess he was sitting in. Why in hell's name was he incapable of doing something right and correct. What if only because he was too stupid and too much of an Atwood, now was... was destroying the other's lives? If one thing was for sure then that it was his fault, if something happened to his friends and family...foster family...family, whatever. It was his fault that he landed in here and thus it was his fault that he wasn't able to help them and thus it was his fault if something happened to them. He started to hate his life. He got completely drowned in his thoughts.

Someone hustled him off his bed. Shit. He hit the floor. This was the last thing he could need now. He already knew who it was. He really couldn't need this. There were enough other things he was bothered with. Unfortunately he wasn't able to determine an appointment for torture.

"Since when do we allow you possessing a cell phone?" Cole asked him.

"Since when do they allow gorillas leaving their zoo?" He asked back. He knew he shouldn't have said this. But he was in rage, caused by this... this pervy psycho. He knew that he was going to pay the bill for his smug answer.

It was dark, that's why he didn't see it coming. He only felt the result: a throbbing pain on the left side of his face.

"Are you going to be sassy?"

"I never before have been not sassy. You're only too birdbrained to notice." He was in rage and he wanted to provoke this asshole. He didn't deserve better. He... if he was honest, he hadn't been thinking about what he was doing. He was tired of being treated like a nothing.

"Are you sure that you wanna play this game with me, 'cause I don't think you gonna win it." Cole hissed. Someone grabbed his arms and then they dragged him violently into the lavatories. They were turning on the showers, then they dragged him under them. In short time he was soaked with water and he started to freez. They still were holding him. How many? He had no idea. He tried to free from the hands, grabbing him. But every of his attempts had been stopped by another kick. He was trapped and chanceless. He felt something warm and viscous running down his left cheek. It was blood. He would never win this. He only could try to survive this. He felt more kicks in his side and he had trouble to catch a breath. He heard a strange sound and then his chest started to burn with pain. Surviving was his philosophy of life and the only way to follow it was to close down, not letting anything in or out. He tasted blood and then how it ran down his chin. They only were going to stop this, if they noticed that he wasn't going to give in, otherwise they were beating him to death. He closed his eyes. He didn't want to see what they were doing. He endured it.


	13. Chapter 13

And a new chapter. Hope you like it. Read and enjoy :)

* * *

**T**hey had arranged a new meeting with Ryan. His parents knew about it, but they had said nothing. Maybe they had realized that they couldn't do anything. They were waiting. He heard someone coming towards them…but it only was Marissa.

"What is she doing here?" He said annoyed.

"Visiting Ryan?" Summer asked back.

"Does she lead a double life now or what?" What did this girl think, when she was coming here? Wasn't she suppsoed to be together with Oliver?

"What do you mean Cohen?"

"At daylight the rich psycho and at night the street kid?" He was frustrated. It wasn't Marissa's fault that Oliver was back at their school, but this was no reason for hanging around with him as if nothing had happened. She had witnessed what this freak had done to Ryan and she had seen how manipulative this pervy psycho was.

"Hey guys!" She greeted them. He turned away with his back to her. "What's wrong with him?" She asked.

"He's not sure what he ought to think about your relationship to Oliver." Summer answered. Why did she always get the point in one sentence? How was she doing that?

"What? It's my business with whom I hang out with." Marissa answered. Of course it was her business, but it also was his business whether he was tolerating it or not.

"Sure, but you ought to have in mind that Ryan isn't there to save your ass, in case the psycho cracks up again." He said. Man was he rough towards her. He never had seen this side on himself. Maybe Ryan had rubbed off more than it was good for him. But girls liked the bad guy, so he wasn't going to whinge about it.

"Oliver had changed. He really feels sorry for what had happened and he is working on his problems. And he also wants to apologize to Ryan." What? No, this freak was no friend and he wouldn't allow him to go with them to these Ryan-meetings. Considering Marissa, he saw that nothing had changed. Again the same. At first she justifies and later she's crying.

"But he's not coming with to these meetings. He'll sabotage them and then it's Ryan's ass." Luke said. Wow, they had more and more in common. He only hoped that he wasn't going to shave his chest likewise.

"Coop, you know that this is a little unfair what you're doing right now?" What did Summer want to say through that?

"Why is it unfair?" Yes, why was it unfair? It was unethical, tacky, rude, naïve. But unfair?

"It's unfair towards Ryan. You're risking to be grounded for the rest of your life, you're giving him your cell phone, and you're doing everything to show him that he can trust you and that you still have some kind of feelings. But when he's not there you meet with his arch-enemy. For me this sounds like betrayal." Summer explained. Yes, she was right.

"And it's inconsistent." He added.

"For God's sake, what else shell I do to make you satisfied?" She now nearly screamed.

"Maybe you should start to think about what you're doing and stop being a naïve biddy?" He said now. He had trouble to believe that Marissa knew what she was doing. No, she knew what she was doing, but she obviously didn't know the meaning of it. Marissa had not a clue how her behaviour affected the others. Maybe if she knew, she would change it. He only hoped so, because he for his part, was sure that he wasn't going to tolerate it any longer. And if Summer was going to do so, was doubtful. Was all this worth for a psycho?

"Man, Chino is a long time coming. Cohen, are you sure that he had received your text?" Luke asked him. He looked onto his watch. Ryan was twenty minutes off now. He hoped that there was no reason to worry.

"He had text back that it was okay. So I guess he had received my message." He said. But yes, he started to worry. Ryan never was that late. Shit. Why did he always have to have to worry about his friend... brother...friend, whatever. It would make things a lot easier, if Ryan was a shy, small, untroubled child, but no trouble on two legs.

"Hey guys, sorry for being late, but I was hold up." He let out a deep breath. Ryan was there and he stood on his two legs and with his head on his neck.

"Man, never do this again." He said and gently bounced Ryan's shoulder with his fist. Ryan flinched. Ryan flinched? He looked at him. Ryan was focusing the ground. He changed glances with Luke, who looked as confused as he felt himself.

"Everything's alright?" Luke asked.

"Uh…yeah. Just…I dunno." Ryan answered. Now even the girls looked confused. The atmosphere was strange and all felt it. Ryan focused the ground not even tryong to look at them. And in somehow he stood there, as if he was goign to slump down every second. He didn't look as tough as he usually did.

"Do you wanna sit down first?" Marissa asked and got up from the bench for Ryan to sit down.

"Uhm…no…uh. Seth I need to talk to you." Ryan grabbed his arm and dragged him away from the others. When he caught their confused glances, he only shrugged his shoulders. This was more than a strange behaviour. This was so not Ryan.

"What's wrong?" He asked him.

"Do you know that they have released Oliver out of the hospital?" Shit. How did Ryan know? This was nothing good and an explanation for his strange behaviour. Oh, please don't do anything stupid man.

"Uhm…so…listen man. He's free again, yes. But this is no big deal, okay? There is no need for your Rambo-shtick." He had to keep his brother…friend…brother…whatever from doing something which could lead him straight to jail.

"Are you sure that this is no big deal?" Ryan looked into his eyes. Why did he cover his head with his cowl? Strange.

"Yeah…I mean…okay, he's back at our school again and Mum and Dad aren't really happy about it and took me off school. But I don't think that he's going to do anything stupid again. I guess he's healed." Lies, lies, all lies. But he had to keep Ryan calm. Who knew what he would do to Oliver this time. Ryan shook his head and then handed him Marissa's mobile. He read what was written on the display. Oh my God. This wasn't true, was it? No this…_ Now you're in my hands. You're my puppet. You're under my control. You're mine and this time nobody is there to stop me from loving you. _This was sick. This was dangerous. Marissa was in danger and she didn't even know.

"Do you still think that this is no big deal?" Ryan asked him. Things had changed. This was quite a big deal.

"We need to show Marissa." He said. She needed to know with whom she spent her whole time with.

"And what do you think how she'll react?"

"We'll see then, right?" Ryan shrugged his shoulders. There was no other way. They went back to the others. He still had the mobile in his hand.

"Hey, what's wrong Cohen?" Summer asked him. As usual she had seen through him and saw that he was hiding something. He changed glances with Ryan and he nodded. He handed Marissa the mobile.

"No, no. Keep it, I gave it to you." She said to Ryan.

"Read the message, please." Ryan said. He looked into her eyes and again it was as if a strong band was connecting them. She took the mobile and read. Slowly her face dropped. Her knees shook, but Ryan was there to hold her. Ryan was there for her, again. Maybe it had to be that way. Ryan had to be there to rescue Marissa, to rescue him and his family. Maybe people like Ryan were the super heroes of the real world, with the only difference that they had no super powers and weren't invulnerable.

"This…can't be true. He…he said to me…that…that he was okay now." She was crying and her sobs made it hard for her to talk. Ryan kneeled beside her, rubbed her back and her leg.

"Don't worry. You show it to Seth's parents and to Dr. Kim and maybe they can do something about it." Ryan said. Seth's parents? What was that? His parents were still Ryan's as well, although he didn't live with them at the moment. It was strange. And he knew what it was. There was a gap between them. Although they behaved as if nothing had changed, there was a gap. Between him and Ryan was a gap and Ryan was holding it. Why? What was wrong? He watched how Marissa sank crying into Ryan's arms.

"Is okay. He won't be able to harm you. I'm there." Ryan was whispering, but he was close enough to make out these words. Yes, of course. The shit hits the fan and Ryan was there to pay the bill. This needed to be stopped. Ryan only navigated himself into more trouble. He had to talk to his parents. He had to prevent Ryan getting involved into this. Man, one really needed to save this boy from himself.

"This rude bastard!" Marissa now got up and started to scream out in fury.

"Hey, hey…Marissa calm down." Ryan tried to get her down again. But she started to beat his chest and back. He was still holding her into his arms. And she was beating him. Wow, he never had thought of Ryan as a man who led a woman beat him up. Uh...okay, what Marissa was doing wasn't quite what one would consider as punching or something.

"I hate this fucking liar! He's nothing more than a fucked up. He's a fucking freak, a lunatic and I hope that they'll lock him up in a loony bin for the rest of his damn fucking life!" Wow, he never had thought that Marissa knew any cuss words. This day needed to be marked red in his almanac.

"Marissa…please…stop…Marissa…please!" Ryan started to stop Marissa. Then things went in slow-motion. He saw how Ryan's arms loosened from Marissa's body, while she still was beating Ryan in fury. He saw how Ryan's knees gave way, slowly. Then he saw him falling. Luke was fast enough, holding him and thus keeping him from hitting the ground. Ryan's body dangled lifelessly in Luke's arm. Everything was happening so fast, he had no time to think anything.

"Ryan!" Summer called out. He rushed to his brother. Not noticing any movement.

"Hey bro?" He asked, but got no reaction. He looked at Luke.

"Give me your jacket Cohen, we need to support his head." Luke said and then slowly let Ryan down.

"Coop, what have you done? Nobody told you to knock him out!" Summer screamed in panic.

"I…I didn't want to…If I had known…" Marissa cried more and more.

"Maybe you should have saved your fury for Oliver?" Summer asked her. She had turned from panic into rage.

"Hey, I don't think that it's Marissa's fault." Luke said. He looked at Ryan, while Luke put the cowl of Ryan's head. A blood stream ran down his cheek. The whole left side of his head was black and blue. He was in shock, when he saw this. Why hadn't Ryan said anything? Now he understood, why Ryan had hold is head down. But why? And how was it possible that he hadn't realized that? He...was his brother....friend....brother, his brother and it was his duty to realize things like that. He had failed on Ryan. How was he able to forgive this himself?

"We need to get him to hospital." Summer said. He kneeled down to Ryan, shaking his shoulders gently.

"Hey Ryan, c'mon back man." He said. Again he shook Ryan carefully. Ryan flinched. He sighed relieved. Ryan was coming back to them.

"Ryan we're here." He said on. He felt Marissa's hand on his shoulder. She was shocked and tears were all over her face. He looked at her and then she kneeled down as well, fondling Ryan's arm. Ryan lay there helplessly. This wasn't Ryan. Ryan wasn't helpless. This was so not Ryan.

"He's opening his eyes." She said smoothly. "Hey, Ryan. How are you?" She asked him.

"Dunno…dizzy. What's wrong?" He asked.

"C'mon man, we need to get you up and to a hospital." Luke said, supporting Ryan to get up. Marissa still was holding Ryan's arm and he wrapped one arm around his brother's waist to support him. They went to his car, slowly. He saw how Ryan clenched his jaw with every step. He had to be in a lot of pain, if every step hurt him. They reached the car. Luke helped Ryan to get into it.

"Thanks." He said in low voice.

"Okay, you'll drive him straight to hospital and I follow you, alright?" Luke said. He was impressed about Luke being calm about the whole thing. He still was cold headed and knew what to do. Oh no, he didn't want to think of what would have happened if he hadn't been with them.

"Okay, and what about the girls?"

"Shell I take them with me to the hospital?"

"I don't think this is a good idea. A chicken run won't help anything."

"So, I bring them home first and then come to the hospital. Sounds okay." Luke said. Then he saw how he picked up the shocked girls. He started the motor.

"Do…we have to go to hospital?" Ryan asked him shy.

"I think it'll be better." He answered. Ryan Atwood was afraid of hospitals? He was learning more and more curious things about him.

"Please, Seth." He begged.

"Sorry dude, but as you look like you're better off in a hospital." He couldn't risk losing Ryan for ever. He couldn't risk really losing him. Not living together with him under one roof already was hard. But never being able to see him or to talk to him was incredible. Ryan had been his first real friend. He had gotten into a fight for him, although they hadn't known each other well then. And then with Ryan becoming more and more a part of his family, he also become more and more like a brother for him. And who wanted to lose his brother?


	14. Chapter 14

Okay, for a change a new chapter, but a little longer. Have fun and reviews, critical as well as nice ones, are very welcome! :)))

* * *

**T**he smell of disinfectant, iodine and antiseptic crawled into his nose. He lay on a gurney, waiting for a doctor to come, but nothing happened. He had no idea how much time had passed since Seth had brought him here. But it felt like an iternity. He had tried to convince Seth that he was okay, but he hadn't believed him. Okay, he had seen his face in a mirror, he really looked messed up.

The bright light hurt his eyes, but he couldn't close them. The same scenes ran through his mind, over and over again. But in a brain wave these thoughts vanished and new ones occured. What the hell was he doing here? He needed to stop this Oliver. He had to leave this place. He got up and slightly opened the door. There was no doctor near and even Seth wasn't in sight. This was his chance and he would take it. He slid through the door and then went straight to the exit. He tried to walk as normal as possible. Just pretend as if everything was okay and nobody was going to stop you. He nearly had reached the exit door.

"Stop!" Someone called from behind. He didn't react, because otherwise he would sell himself out.

"Ryan Atwood. Stop and come here!" The female voice urged again. Okay, escaping unnoticed wasn't working. Plan B: run. He started to run through the exit…and ran against a wall of man. It was Luke.

"Dude, where do you wanna go?" He asked him.

"What do you think?" He hoped that Luke was going to let off of him.

"You're not leaving until you haven't seen a doctor." Luke said and grabbed his arms, navigating him back to the examination room.

"Man, this psycho runs through whole Newport and endangers other people's life. I need to stop him from hurting Marissa." He hoped Luke understood him, because he had loved Marissa as well and maybe still loved her.

"We can take care of it later." Luke said.

"But…"

"Hey Seth, you have to watch him better. He nearly escaped. "Luke said to Seth. Who looked quite confused. They reached the door from the examination room. The doctor was already waiting for him. He felt caught in a trap. Nobody was listening to him. Everybody was forcing him to something he didn't agree to, like he didn't agree to this here. The doctor led him into the room. In somehow he had the feeling as if he knew her. But he wasn't able to remember where he had seen her. Or was his mind just playing tricks on him? Her face and her warm smile looked familiar. On the other hand his head had suffered badly, so it was probably only one of it's effects.

"Okay, can you take your cloths off, please?" She asked him. What? He had to undress in front of a strange woman? No, this was not going to happen. There was not a lot of dignity left, but this single bit that had remained had to be saved.

"There won't be anything I haven't already seen yet." She tried to encourage him. No, his body was his privacy and nobody ever again was going to determine, what was happening to it. This was his body and his decision what to do and what not. And now he had decided that he wasn't going to undress in front of the woman, as well as he had decided that this woman wasn't going to touch every single part of his body. Yes, he already had made some - a lot- experience in ER procedure, so he knew what was coming up to him. And he hundred percent disagreed to it.

There already had been too many hands on his body. Too many hands had touched him and left a mix of pain, blood, bruises and shame. He knew that he was a useless nothing. He already had learned the lesson about him being nothing more than a worthless object. An object one could treat as one preferred to. He didn't need another lesson of that. He only needed to be alone and solve his problem called Oliver.

"Ryan, please." She summoned him again. She stood up from the stool and came closer to him. He stepped back. He won't allow her to touch him. This was his body. He knew he was nothing and he felt it every single second of the day. If she was going to see and touch him, this feeling of being a worthless nothing - the feeling of being scum - would only increase and he wasn't sure, if he was able to take anymore of that. He needed a break. He needed his black hole to hide. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to decide what was happening to him. Nobody else was supposed to do so. She was coming closer and closer, and he stepped back, fruther and fursther. He hit the wall behind him and a stabbing pain ran through his back.

"I'm glad that I don't have to tell Joey that you've forgotten him, although I would have appreciated that explanation more to this here." She said. What was she talking about? She wanted to give him a false sense of security, thus she was going to catch him in a trap. But he wasn't stupid. He was looking through her. She was nothing better than these doctors in the ER in Chino. She would start treating him like a thing, blaming him for what had happened and showing him that he never was going anywhere. He was worthless scum and not worth for being treated by her - an well educated and better off person.

She touched his arm. He flinched. She started with it. She started to show him that he was nothing. He tearing pain developed in his chest. He wanted to cry. He wanted to hide and he didn't want her to touch him, but nobody cared about what he wanted. Nobody ever cared about him. She came closer. This was too much. She put her hand on his upper arm. He clenched his fist and his whole body strained. He was trembling. He had lost every control of his body.

"Ryan, I know this is a tough thing. But I need to examine your injuries." She was looking at him, but he looked away. The feeling shebeing familiar to him was still there.

"Joey asked whether we can fix a weekly appointment, so you can coach him in math. He admires you and I'm really glad that you have been there for him. Who knows what had happened, if you haven't helped him. But now you need some help and I don't want to have to tell Joey that this coaching-thing doesn't work, only because I haven't been able to help you." She still looked at him and he still was trembling. He didn't understand why, but these words reached him in somehow. He started to realize that this woman wasn't Cole, his father, brother, mother or anyone else of these fucking bastards that he made him being a worthless nothing. It was Joey's foster mother. The woman, who had thanked him because of some reason he still hadn't found.

"I only want to help you how you've helped Joey, but you have to let me help. Do you think its okay?" She wasn't there to show him that he was scum. It was her job to patch him up again and she wasn't one of these Chino asses in white.

"So…sorry." He apologized. He felt embarrassed by his behaviour. How could he have thought that she was going to hurt him in anyway? He was more than stupid. There was someone who wanted to help him and he didn't even realize.

"It's okay. You can leave your boxers on, deal?" She asked him further. He only nodded. He didn't deserve that much patience. Why was she doing this? Or maybe this was just a façade. Maybe she only was giving him the false sense of security and later was teaching him a lesson. Or he only should drive away his distrust. He was getting paranoias. He definitely needed to work on it. Not every person talking to you wants to kick your ass. But if one never had made another experience, it was no wonder that one was thinking like that, or?

"You're a tough guy, what? I wouldn't be able to run away with such a wound on my head." She said after she had sutured the laceration on his head. It was an akward procedure. Everytime his wounds needed to be sutured, they felt worse as they had done before. And this time it was no difference. But her cold hands felt good on his bruise in his face.

"Okay, despite nausea and an evil headache, do you feel any local pressure in your head?" Unfortunately he had be unable to prevent throwing up. It was so embereassing. And worse of all, he still felt like throwing up every second. But there was no local pressure in his head, whatever this was supposed to mean.

"No."

"Okay, but nevertheless I'll command CT to be sure that there is no further damage." She made a not on a yellow paper.

"Now I'll treat your cuts and abrasions, so once again clench you teeth." He felt as if the pain had increased after she had treated his wounds. His body felt like burning fire, but there was no way to prevent this. After what felt like hours of torture she had finished her work and again made a note.

"Alright and now I'll check if there are any broken bones." She started to palpate his body, beginning with his shoulders.

"How does this happen?" They kicked my ass just for fun. If one thing on earth was for sure, than that all doctors in the ER thought of you as a little fucker, who loved to beat up other people. Nobody ever was thinking of you as victim. In short cut: he had to make up something more plausible. If he told her the truth, she wouldn't believe him anyway. He was the one with enough information in his file that every other explanation looked like a lie. He was from Chino, son of a felon and a felon by himself due steeling a car, beating up the captain of the water polo team and burning down other people's houses. Nobody would believe him that he had been the victim. No, he was the one who messed things up, his file says it itself. It was as if his whole future was already written down and they only needed to look it up in his file, to find out what had happened. Way should he tell the truth? He could spare himself this moment of frustration and just tell a story which was going to be believed.

"I attacked the educator and he just defended himself." He answered. When she reached his chest and started to touch his ribs, he wasn't able to hold back anymore. This pain was way too bad as if one was able to hide it.

"Okay, seems like we have some broken ribs. So I'll command x-rays as well. It'll be less hurtful as palpating." She again made a note and went on palpating the rest of his body.

"So, and now tell me, how this happened." What? Was she deaf or dumb or both? Hadn't he already told her what had happened?

"As I've said, I attacked an educator and he defended himself." She sighed and moved a little away. She looked at him intensely.

"Are you sure?" She asked him, looking critically.

"Yeah." What was this supposed to mean? Why didn't she believe his story? Everybody else had believed the story about the bad boy from Chino who messed everything up.

"You know that I can read on your bruises what had happened, do you?" She asked him. He had no idea what she wanted to tell him. He shook his head and looked questioning at her.

"Alright, the bruises on your shoulders are telling me that someone was holding you with a lot of force. I still can see the prints of his or her hands." Uh…okay, that meant he needed to come up with something to explain this. He was glad that his head still was working, although of the injuries.

"The educator held me to avert me beating the shit out of him." She nodded. She bought it from him. One problem less.

"And what about the other wounds?" Shit. She still was on her critical trip. Why couldn't she just leave it with what he had told her?

"A brawl." Why didn't she stop this? It was the best for both, if she did so.

"And what about the educator? It's a little weird that the assailant lies here seriously injured, but not the victim." Man, what the hell did she want from him? Frustration spread through his body - exactly what he wanted to prevent.

"I had a bad day." He wanted her to stop this interrogation. Why didn't she leave things as they were, but made them even worse? He wasn't sure if he wanted to get reminded of this evening again and again.

"Oh yes, that's obvious. Why do you cover them? Do you really want them to get away with that?" He let out a deep breath to let her know that he wasn't going to get into this.

"Okay, then I'll tell you my story about what had happened. At least two educators had become bored or whatever, they picked you as victim. One held you, while the other one started to use you as a punching bag. And now you wanna tell me that you're okay with that and don't want to fill a charge?" He had underestimated her. Okay, she was the first doctor, who really wanted to know what had happened. Usually they patched you up and then let you go. No questions, no answers and no police, that was how things usually worked and that was how things ought to work.

"Ryan, I know what's going on in this institution. Joey had told me the one or the other thing. I can't believe that you don't want them to get away with that. You need to go to the police and fill a charge." This blew his top. This woman showed him more and more that she had no idea what she was talking about. Only because she had adopted Joey it didn't mean that she knew how things did work. No, she really didn't know how things worked for street kids like he was one.

"Yeah sure. I'll go there and tell them the educator had tried to beat me to death. And do you know what'll happen then?" She shook her head. He hadn't expected something different. Joey was only eight, he hadn't gotten a chance to get into trouble, like he did. For him things were easier. He was the little shy and abandoned boy. But he was the troublesome street kid, as hopeless case. He went on, explaining her how things worked for him:

"The educator tells the police another story, like: he had attacked us. They'll check my file and see that I have already much to answer for and the case is clear. Everything is my fault and I'll spend the next three years in jail. Being on probation is a fucked up situation." Of course she was stunned. In her world being on probation was the same as being accused for murder. Goodbye ideal world and welcome scum from Chino. For her this statement meant being confronted with someone who already was sentenced for life. With the Cohens it had been the same, in somehow. They had known from the very beginning that their little project wasn't going to work. No, he was sure that they never had believed that he could make it to a boy like their son was. He never was going to be like Seth and they had known it. Nevertheless, the question why they had done so much for him remained in his mind. When he thought back, he started to feel like a match-ball of society. Like this little monkey that had to perform tricks and when it turned out not to be satisfying enough for them, was sent back to where it came from.

"So, you don't want to fill a charge." She answered. She had gotten up from the stool again and had started to palpate the rest of his upper body. She reached his hips and squeezed it a bit. He winced. It hurt quite badly, when she touched him there. She started to pull off his boxers. No, he hadn't agreed to that and he showed it her, by escaping her grip.

"I'm not going to pull it off completely. But I need to see what is hurting you there." He shook his head. This was far away from his agreement. She already had touched him there, she didn't…she didn't care. She watched the bruises on his hips and carefully touched them. Her hands still had a cooling effect - a nice side effect. When she was finished, she looked at him, but something in her glance had changed. It was as if the warmth was drained out of her face. There was no smile, but some kind of coldness. He could see that she sighing shook her head slightly. She still looked at him. What was this supposed to mean? He only hoped that there was nothing broken.

"Can you turn aside, so I can listen to your lungs?" He nodded and slowly turned to the side. The slightest movement caused an unbearable pain in his body, but he had to go through it. He felt the stethoscope on his back. When she was done with listening to his lungs, he felt her cold hands palpating his back. When she again had reached his hips, he heard her mumbling something, but it was inaudible for him.

"Okay, I'm done." He turned on his back again. "You're a tough boy." She said quietly and fondled over his right cheek. Her whole behaviour had changed and he didn't understand why.

"You didn't get something against your pain?" She asked him, when she was finished with making her notes.

"Don't think so."

"That needs to be changed. So, before I send you to the CT and x-ray, I'll give you some painkillers and then one of my colleagues is briefly checking on you as well." A second doctor? This didn't sound as if everything was alright. Nothing was alright of course, because if things were alright, he wouldn't be here. But a second doctor?

"That bad?" He only asked. In a brainwave he realized what had caused the change in her behaviour. _I can read on your bruises what had happened_. Panic arose inside. He didn't want to go through this procedure again. His heart began to beat faster and faster. He wanted to get up and leave but she held him down.

"Don't worry. This is not going to hurt you." She said. His whole body was strained again. He didn't want this. He hadn't agreed to this. This wasn't his decision. This was the complete opposite of his decision.

"Relax." She said. He felt something wet and cold on his hand. "I'm going to initiate an intravenous access on your hand. Then it'll be easier for me to administer the medication to you." He felt a prick in his hand. He still was in panic. His body was trembling. She had read what had happened. But he didn't want her to know. He has had enough of this. He has had this procedure once. He didn't need it a second time. He felt helpless and alone. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go in his life. But how else was it going to work? It always went how he didn't want it to.

"Shh…is okay. Don't worry. Things will be okay soon." She fondled his arm. Then he saw how she drew up the liquid and then went to his hand again. He looked away. He was in panic, he was despaired, he felt lonely, vulnerable and hurt, and he felt worthless, like scum all these feelings got mixed up.

"In a few minutes the pain eases off. Just relax. I go and get my colleague." Then she left him alone. He felt how strange warmth spread through his body. His sore muscles started to relax. Every limb felt heavy and he started to feel tired, very tired. He saw how the door opened. She came back with a …with a man. His vision started to get blurred. His eyelids felt heavy.

"I can't believe that. We need to stop this." The male voice echoed in his ears. He wasn't able to make out, how the man looked like.

"When we're done I'll fill charge." She said.

"But what is this going to be good for? You know the wheels of bureaucracy grind slow." The male voice said. His vision blurred more and more. He felt as if he was drunk.

"At least we can get him out of there." She said. He felt how warm hands started to touch him. He wanted to defend. He knew what was going to happen.

"Shh…we're not going to hurt you. Just relax." How was he supposed to relax? Another stranger had started to touch him everywhere - there.

"This isn't working." The male voice said, when he had to realize that he wasn't going to give in.

"I've thought this was enough."

"A second dose wouldn't harm" What? He didn't understand anything. He wanted to leave. He tried to get up, but it was impossible, because his body must have gotten heavier or something. She fondled his arm.

"Relax. Everything will be alright, promised." She said. She sat down next to him, stroking his right cheek. He had trouble keeping his eyes open. He was so tired. He still fought against the male hands, but his strength was leaving him, more and more.

"We only want to help you. Things will be better." He stopped moving. He wasn't able to. He felt how they turned him aside. They were talking, but he wasn't able to make out what they were saying. He felt how they started to pull off his boxers. He wanted to avert this, but he was too tired. His whole body now was wrapped into relaxing and comforting warmth. He closed his eyes. There it was, his black hole, where he was alone. He was alone, without noises, without feelings, without smells and tastes. He felt nothing, heard nothing, smelled nothing and tasted nothing. Here he was save.


	15. Chapter 15

And here is a new little chapter. Read and enjoy :)

* * *

**S**eth had called them. They already have been asleep, thus she had been annoyed when the phone rang. But now she was fully awake and looking for Seth. Her husband stood close to her. Her Seth. She hadn't gotten what had happened. She only had prayed for him being okay. She strated to blame herself for all what happened. She was incapable of protecting her sons. She was no good mother to them, otherwise they never had been able to take one away and the other one wouldn't have ended up in the ER. Since Ryan had left she had started to think whether it was best if she quit her job. Maybe all this were only results of her lack of time for her family.

"There he is." Her husband said. She felt a relieved. At least now she was going to hear what had happened.

"Seth, are you okay?" She took her son into her arms. He was alive and he was healthy. Nothing had happened to him. After Seth had called them she had started to picture what might have happen in the darkest colours. Not even realizing that Seth had been the one who had called them. But why were they here? Was it about one of Seth's friends. No matter about whom it was, Seth was alright. She felt how her heart lightened. Her son stood here without any injuries and she had him in her arms. She never wanted to let him loose again. She needed to protect him from everything. But then Seth struggled out of her embrace.

"Yes Mum, I'm okay." He answered her. She was reluctant to let him free. Only when she felt his body at her's she could be sure he was alright and still healthy and alive.

"Why then are we here?" Her husband asked. Yes, if Seth was alright, why were they here?

"It's…we've met him and then…he just…I mean we haven't known…I'm really sorry. I know I should have taken better care, but... he wasn't complaining or something. I'm so sorry for ... at least I've been responsible for him... in somehow." Seth started to stammer. She looked at him. He was close to burst into tears. What wanted Seth to tell her? And what had happened, what made him being such draind? Why did he apologize? It was as if her head wasn't working as she was used to.

"Seth, what are you doing here? Why did you call us?" Her husband asked once again.

"It's about Ryan. He broke down when we've met him. He looked quite bashed up. But we don't know what has happened. He hadn't told us anything." Luke started to explain. Ryan? Ryan? Bashed up? In a hospital? No, not again. How many bruises did this boy need to realize that violence wasn't a measure to solve a problem? She sat down, next to her son and buried her face in her hands. What was she supposed to do with this boy? As it looked like, Ryan was going to be delinquent again. But he had made such a good progress and now he was losing it all. She was sure that this hasn't had happened, when he had staid with them. It was obvious that he needed them, otherwise he was losing himself.

"I'll go and see if I can get some information." Her husband said. She nodded.

"I'll come with you." She wanted to be in first place when it was about her boys and although Ryan didn't live with them anymore, he still was her boy.

The ER was crowded. Doctors, patients and even police officers were all over this place. They were walking to the information counter. A doctor stood there, talking to a police officer. She didn't listen to what they were talking about. It wasn't her business. But Ryan was and she needed to see him and she needed to hear that he was okay. On the other hand, there shouldn't be anything to worry about. Ryan always left fights as winner. Nevertheless she had a bad feeling in her stomach, as if something wasn't right. They never had needed to head to the ER when Ryan had gotten into fight. It was a strange, curious and weird feeling, as if something was missing. She wasn't sure what she should think about this feeling. Maybe it meant nothing. Maybe she only had eaten something wrong in the evening. When the police officer left her husband went to the doctor.

"Excuse me, I'm Sandy Cohen, this is my wife. We're here for Ryan Atwood." He said. The doctor looked at them.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Harrison, his attending doctor. And you are related to him?" No, they weren't and they weren't his foster parents either. She already saw this was going into straight into the direction of NO. Of course. Only because she still felt like a mother for Ryan, didn't mean her being able to care for him like one.

"No, but…"

"Are you his guardian?" The doctor asked.

"No, but we've been." Her husband said. Wow, this was going to help them in this case.

"And we still feel responsible for him." She added. The doctor was a woman. She needed to understand how she felt about her lost boy.

"Maybe, but I can't tell you anything." The doctor told them. She didn't understand. But she wanted to know what had happened and she needed to know that Ryan was okay, otherwise she was going nuts. She looked into the doctors eyes.

"Cohen is your name?" The doctor asked a rhetorical question. She thumbed through a file she was holding in her hands. Please let me see my boy, she prayed. She sighed.

"You've been his guardians?" She asked them.

"Yes. Dr. Harrison you don't have to tell me anything, I only want to see that he's alright." She said to her. Dr. Harrison shook her head. What was this supposed to mean?

"He's a minor. Without any permission of a guardian I can't do anything." All her hopes were floating away. Now she realized what it meant that Ryan has had to leave them. It was as if he never had existed in their lives. It was as if they never have had any responsibility for him and it was as if they were nothing but strangers for this boy.

"May I ask why you lost the guardianship?" Why did the doctor want to know that? This question was beyond her competence.

"We've lost it, because of a governmental mistake." She answered.

"Do you want to see him or not? If yes, I need to know why. I only want to help Ryan as well and as much information I have about former circumstance as more I can do." She wanted to help? She was a complete stranger or did she know Ryan?

"Why do you want to help him?" She asked. She was distrustful. They already had taken Ryan from her and she wouldn't allow anyone to break the last band between him and her.

"My son Joey was living in the same foster home as Ryan. Ryan had helped…or better protected him from worse things and I'm really thankful for that. In my opinion a boy like he needs support. He has the heart in the right place and I guess with a little support he can come on right tracks again." The doctor said.

"He's a good kid." She answered.

"That's true and I don't want anyone hurting him anymore. So why did people like you lose the guardianship? I mean you really seem to care, so why?" We not only look like that, she thought.

"He had beaten up someone, allegedly and then they took him away, although this person didn't fill a charge. They said this person had been that bad injured, thus that the youth welfare thought of the surrounding he's living in as not stable enough for a kid with his past." Her husband answered. He always was able to get the point in a few sentences.

"You say allegedly?" The doctor asked further.

"Yeah, the whole thing is a little strange. We didn't receive a call from the police and we got to know the reason why, only when they stood in front of our door, telling us that Ryan has to leave." Her husband answered. While he was speaking these words, she lived through this day again and she still was able to feel the pain she had felt then.

"So, in general we have two governmental mistakes." The doctor said.

"Two?" Sandy asked the doctor.

"I can't tell you more, but if you allow me to, I would like you making this statement to the police, because with this we can get Ryan out of this foster home."

"Why? What had happened there?" If the doctor wanted Ryan out of the foster home, then there must have happened something and she wanted to know what. She always had known that this would only harm her boy, but nobody had listened to her, when she had said it.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you anything."

"Can we see him?" Her husband asked. The doctor sighed.

"Okay, but only five minutes. He's in room 406." He was lying here, in this hospital? But if he had to stay here over night, it meant he was seriously injured. But Ryan never was seriously injured despite a shiner.

"What? Can't he leave tonight?" She needed to know. She wouldn't be able to get any sleep if she had to think of what might have happened with her boy. She wouldn't be able to relax anymore, until she hadn't seen with her own eyes that Ryan was okay.

"No, unfortunately he has to stay a few days." The doctor answered. This blew her top.

"Who in hell are you that you can conceal what had happened to my son? I wanna see him immediately or I'll care for you losing your job. I'm Caleb Nichol's daughter so I guess you know how far my influence ranges over." This little doctor here wasn't going to hinder her from seeing her son.

"I'm really sorry Mrs. Cohen, but I can't."

"I don't care about what you can or not. I want to go to my son immediately and I want to know what has happened or you'll feel the consequences." Her husband patted her arm, to calm her down.

"I'm really sorry."

"You're sorry? Do you know what? You don't feel anything, because if you did, you would tell me what has happened to my son!" She was in rage, she was despaired and she wanted to take Ryan into her arms to feel that everything was alright with him.

"If I might speak now? I can't tell you anything. I can lose my job only through letting you see him tonight and calling you tomorrow when he wakes up again. But I can't risk more than that, because I want him out of this foster home. I also can pull some strings and if Ryan is okay with it, I can arrange him living with you again." The doctor said. What? Ryan, with them again? At their home, in his pool house and sitting at their kitchen counter in the morning?

"How?" Her husband asked. The lawyer in him was talking.

"First of all with your statement I can convince the youth welfare that the foster home is the wrong place for him. And with your outburst, Cinderella has witnessed…" The doctor pointed at the nurse behind the information counter "and with Joey's statement and this here, I can imagine that they'll come to the conclusion that their decision - regarding you - had been wrong." She handed her a crumpled picture. It was the Chrismukkah picture. Seeing this broke her heart.

"He carried this with him everyday." The doctor said.

"And who is Joey?" Her husband asked.

"As I've said he's my foster son and … how can I explain it, but Ryan is…is his hero. He's what I would call a…"

"Guardian angel." They both said in unison.

"You really love him, do you?" The doctor asked her. She nodded. Only now she realized tears running down her cheek and her husband warpping his arm tight around her waist.

"I promise I'll do what I can. He really needs parents like you. But in case he comes back with you, it's not going to be easy. He has a tough fight to win." The doctor said.

"That bad?" Her husband asked.

"He needs help, otherwise he'll get drowned and the only what'll remain of him will be an empty shell." The doctor said. This sentence caused her again to cry even more. What in world can happen that bad that Ryan might never recover from it? He was a tough boy. He had lived in Chino, with a drunken mother and punching men around him and it hadn't broken him. So what can?

She opened the door to the room. The doctor had said something about sleeping for twelve or fourteen hours. What can be that bad that someone needed to sleep so long? A little light, standing on the nightstand, was switched on. She went closer to the bed, her husband remained standing in the door frame. Ryan's hair was stuck together with dried blood. There was a nasty laceration at his temple and it seemed as if the whole left side of his face was one single bruise. It looked disgusting and she felt how her chest narrowed. When she realized they had come here for Ryan, she never had thought that this boy could be seriously injured. Ryan never was seriously injured. Why this time? She stroke through his hair. He looked in somehow helpless and not like the tough boy nobody could harm. She tried to ignore the bruise on his face, but she wasn't able to. How violent must a person be if he- or she - was able to do something like that to a tough boy like Ryan? Again she was aware of not having any explanation to her question, how people were able to do things like that to each other. She stood there, stroking through his hair, over his cheek. She wanted to take him into her arms, but this was impossible. All this wouldn't have happened, if they had hindered them from taking him. She has had to be there to save him, but she hadn't been. Ryan had needed them and they haven't been there. He always had been there for them. He had done everything for them. But they hadn't been there for him.

"We should go now." Her husband said. She nodded. Ryan wasn't going to wake up soon anyway. She went to her husband and he wrapped his arm around her.

"Is this our fault?" She asked him.

"I don't know. Maybe we could have tried harder to keep him, but maybe it wouldn't have helped in any event."

"But why do I feel guilty?"

"This is no guilt. It's your maternal instinct. You worry and I do either, but in this moment we can't do anything. We should help Dr. Harrison and hope we can reach something. That's all we can do right now." All they could do right now. She wanted to take Ryan home. She wanted to have him around her as it was supposed to be. Ryan ought to be home, not in a hospital. But her husband was right. There was nothing they could do about it.

"Its quite bad isn't it?" Seth asked. He appeared downhearted. No wonder. Ryan was his best friend, maybe even a brother for him and they all three stood here with tied hands.

"We don't know. They don't tell us anything." Her husband answered.

"Why not?" Seth asked back.

"Legally we're not his family anymore. They aren't allowed to tell us what has happened."

"Dad! How can you tell me that we aren't his family anymore? I mean only because they've decided to place him in a foster home, it doesn't mean we are not his family anymore. This wouldn't be fair. Ryan hadn't done anything wrong and now you want to take his family away? This…"

"Seth it's not about what we want. It's about law and legally we aren't his family. Of course he's still a part of our family and I promise we do everything in our power to get him back." Her husband calmed their son down. Who had thought that these two boys would grow together like that? They were as different as day and night, but there was a strong band connecting them and both did everything to hold it upright. Seth's reaction once more made clear to her that they needed to get Ryan back.


	16. Chapter 16

This story is getting out of control!!! No, it's getting longer than it was supposed to be. Thus if you get bored let me know, otherwise have fun and enjoy :)

* * *

**H**e heard noises all around him. He didn't want to leave his dark hole of loneliness. He felt his body. It hurt. Shit. He didn't want to come back into the world of yelling, pain and ugliness. The noises around him became louder and louder and the pain in his body worsened. He felt something cold on his face. It felt good, as if his face started to relax. No, no no. He wanted to stay in this empty and dark hole. He wasn't ready to face the real world, yet. But it was too late. His eyelids started to lose weight and he slowly was able to open them. Oh no, he didn't want to. But he had to. Breaking away from the facts of what had happened last night was nothing more than dastardly and he wasn't dastardly - only indifferent. He slowly opened his eyes. His vision was still blurred. He felt that someone was holding an ice pack against his cheek.

"Hey honey." He heard a well known female voice. He smelled the well known perfume. At least he didn't enter the real world at a place of yelling, and ugliness. But unfortunately it contained pain. A lot of pain. Shit.

His vision got clearer from second to second and then he could see her face. He was surprised to see her here. He hadn't expected her to be here. No she shouldn't be here. He didn't belong to them anymore.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" He asked her and then saw that he was there as well, but no sign from Seth. What a bummer, he used to liven up uncomfortable situations. He really would have liked him being around, because with him around things didn't appear as serious as they were - and he really would have appreciated the appearance of what had happened wasn't as bad. But Seth wasn't there. Only Kirsten and Sandy and both looked … tired? Worried? He never had seen these glances upon their faces before. Without Seth he was bothered with the feeling that what had happened had been wrong and one of the worse things which could happen to you.

"Seth had called us yesterday and told us you were here." Kirsten answered.

"Okay, but what are you doing here?" He asked again. They weren't his guardians anymore and thus they weren't responsible for him. So why did they bother with him?

"Ryan, what…I don't understand…" Kirsten started to stammer. She put the ice pack away and took his hand. What did they want here? This was an easy question, wasn't it?

"We're here for you Ryan. You're still a part of our family and we still care about you." Sandy said and put a hand onto his shoulder.

"But…I…So…sorry I'm confused." He didn't get his head around this. He was nothing but scum. He was worthless and only meant trouble to them. Why did they care? They should be glad that he was gone and that they got back their former quiet and contemplative lives. He had been nothing more than a gadfly for them, thus why did they still bother?

"It's okay." Kirsten said in her smooth voice. All this didn't make sense, but this probably was the result of his head injury.

"Kid, why do you always have to get involved into fights? This one has been unfair and you got off lightly. But the next unfair fight can mean your death. Ryan you really need to stop this. I know you aren't one of these cruel and violent kids, but you need to restrain your temper, otherwise nobody can help you." Of course Sandy was giving him a tongue-lashing, because he was persuaded he had started the fight. Sandy looked into his file and knew how it had happened. But this was strange. On the one hand he told him they still cared, but in the other hand he started blaming him again. Maybe he should try to explain it to them. It wouldn't do any harm to anyone, would it?

"But…I…it's not like…you." He stopped his attempt. He had no idea how to make clear to them what had happened.

"Ryan? What do you want to tell us?" Kirsten asked him. That it wasn't his fault, but that nobody believed him.

"That it wasn't my fault." He said in a silent voice. He focused the blanket. He already knew what would come next.

"Ryan, you can't make excuses every time you mess something up. You have to take the responsibility for your actions." Sandy said and this blew his top.

"But I didn't even touch Cole, because I knew if I defend myself he was going to fill a charge and at the end it was my ass ending up in jail, not his one. And I don't wanna go back to jail again!" He nearly screamed now. How else could he make clear to them that it hadn't been his fault?

"Ryan if you don't want to go back to jail, you need to avert mistakes like these." Sandy answered. It was hopeless. He could do what ever he wanted to and still nobody was going to believe him.

"But the only mistake I've done was living in this fucking foster home, nothing else."

"But…"

"Nothing but. If I really had messed it up, they won't have vacillated, but send me straight to jail and you know that." Sandy and Kirsten knew that, because they had taken him home, when they could have left him jail. They have affiliated him into their family, when they could have left him in state's hands. They knew all this and they needed to believe him. If they didn't, who else was due to do so? If even those people, who had burden themselves with a lot of bureaucracy and the government - only to give him the greatest gift one could have given to him - didn't believe him, who else was going to do so? And why then were there here, if they didn't believe him?

"Wait, wait, wait. What did you say? You let them beat you up just like that, without doing anything to stop them?" Kirsten now intervened. This took quite long. He shrugged his shoulder to show her that he didn't care.

"You could have been dead!" She screamed out. Okay, he expected the tongue-lashing and he had expected to be blamed, but he hadn't expected that someone worried about his potentially death. Hey, on an average kids from Chino and with his -so called - background didn't get older then twenty-five anyway. So hell if he died with sixteen or twenty-five didn't matter.

"Better being dead, than in jail." He only answered. He never wanted to go back there again.

"Ryan, stop talking like that!" Kirsten admonished him. Sure, when he was telling the truth they either didn't believe it or they didn't want to hear it. He more and more got the feeling, as if he didn't match to the whole Newport-Wonderland, where everybody thought that life was a game and they all were on the winner's side.

Someone knocked at the door and then the doctor entered. He was glad for this interruption. He didn't want to hear what Sandy or Kirsten had to say about this. How could you talk to someone about what he thought and felt, if this someone never had been in a similar situation? How was this someone supposed to understand you? Man, he should have thought of that earlier, before he had started talking. He knew why he didn't talk. Talking only made things worse and more complicated.

"Hey Ryan, you're awake that's good." The doctor said. "I would like to examine you and then talk to you a little if it's okay with you." She said. As if he had a choice. He only nodded. He felt ashamed in her presence. She had read what had happened the last night. It was a strange and uncomfortable feeling that someone knew about it.

"May you wait outside, please?" She said to the Cohens.

"Okay, we'll be back later." Kirsten said and then they went out the door.

"Alright, do you have visionary problems or do you feel nauseous?"

"No, only a bad headache." He didn't look at her. He couldn't. She knew what had happened.

"In the CT findings were no abnormality detected, seems as if despite a server concussion your head has had luck. The X-ray has shown two broken ribs. All in all you've had a lot of luck." He only nodded. It didn't feel like that, but he didn't say these words. She sat down on the bed. He felt again how his body strained and it only hurt even more.

"So when can I leave?" He asked.

"Within tomorrow, if you follow my advice of not moving more than necessary. "

"This won't be too difficult." He would be glad if he hadn't to move anyway. She looked at him again and he knew that this conversation wasn't over. No, it was time for the uneasy part.

"Okay, I guess you already can imagine that I know what really had happened to you. You don't need to tell me anything about it, if you don't want to. But I advise you to talk to someone when you're ready for it. I can imagine that you're rather self-absorbed right now, so I'm not going to call in a shrink. He wouldn't be any help anyway, what?"

"I don't think so." He only hoped that this conversation wasn't going to last long, because he hated being reminded of his past and he started to feel more and more embarrassed.

"Okay, then I'll leave it with that, but only for the moment. And now I want to discuss something different with you. I've filled a charge and…" She did what? Nice, she told him that he hadn't to talk about it, but she knew that he had to make a statement in front of a judge and a lot other people he didn't know.

"No…"

"Don't worry. There is enough evidence and Cole didn't even try to deny what he had done. So, I was able to arrange nobody wants your statement and the youth welfare will put you somewhere else."

"A new foster home. Let us hope that things are going to be better there." He said. He was realistic. It wasn't going to be better, only the same.

"Yeah, but we – I and the Cohens- have talked to a friend of mine. He's an assistant at the youth welfare and he had checked up on your case again and came to the conclusion that there were several formal mistakes and that their decision - concerning you living with the Cohens - based on insufficient and probably even wrong facts." This was too much information for his battered head. He only shook his head to show he hadn't understood what the doctor was talking about.

"If you want to, you can go back to them." Wow, this sounded like good news or? He didn't want to be ungrateful after all they had done for him, but in somehow he wasn't sure if he wanted to go back to them. They still didn't believe him and again he had proofed to them that he was nothing more than trouble and he didn't want to destroy their lives. He couldn't do that to Seth. Seth deserved a safe and stable family. It was unfair if he came back and destroyed it all. At least he was the one used to instability and insecurity. He could cope with it, but Seth? No, he couldn't risk destroying Seth's life.

"Aren't you happy about it?" The doctor asked him.

"Uhm…yeah…so…"

"Ryan, you can talk honestly to me. Nothing you say to me will leave this room."

"It's…I don't wanna be ungrateful, but I'm not sure whether I want to go back."

"This is a normal feeling after all what had happened. I suggest you talking to them about it. I think they are really understanding and they feel strongly about you, believe me."

"Yeah, maybe." He wasn't sure if he was ready to go with them again. He had a suspicious feeling, as if this wasn't over yet.


	17. Chapter 17

Hey, two chapters in one day! Do I have time *hihi*. Have fun!!

* * *

**T**hey waited out side the door. It was driving her insane that she wasn't allowed to be in there with him. It was difficult to comfort him, if she didn't know what had happened to him. Okay it was difficult to comfort him also because he disallowed it. But she was sure she could do more for him, if she had a little insight of his past… if she had an insight into the boy at all. He was so quiet and hardly talked to anyone and she realized this was the main problem. It was easier to handle Seth, because he wore his heart in his sleeve, but Ryan hided everything from them and this couldn't be good for him.

"Mrs. and Mr. Cohen?" The doctor came over to them. "I'm done with him. He'll be released tomorrow morning. My friend told me you can take Ryan home with you, if he wants to. Whether you receive the guardianship back or not will be in limbo for a few days, but this should be no problem - only paperwork and bureaucracy. So, you can talk about it to him now, but don't push him too hard. He's still confused about the whole situation and it will take time until he can handle it. What I want to say with that is: don't be annoyed if he's not jumping of joy. He needs time, a lot of time and if you want to help him, you should give it to him." This didn't sound way too optimistic.

"And how can we help him?" She asked. The thought one of her sons was suffering, nearly killed her.

"I'm sorry to say that, but you can't do anything. As I assess him, he has his measures dealing with it on his own - bottle up and forget - and I don't know whether it is good or not to keep all these wounds open, or even open up old ones. He will be better off if you leave it with that." The doctor said in a cold and in somehow indifferent voice. Yes, she was close to fly into rage again. How could this woman dare to tell her that she couldn't do anything to help her son?

"Do you want to tell me that we ought to leave him alone with it? I don't know what has happened, but when I look at him I don't think a kid can handle the aftermath of what had caused all these injuries on his own." She said. She wanted to help and thus she needed answers. The doctor sighed.

"But this is exactly what I want you to do. Otherwise you're getting in over your head with everything else."

"How are we supposed to understand this? We already have one child, who also has had some serious problems, but we've managed to get him through this, so why not with Ryan?" Her husband asked.

"The problem is, kids from areas like Chino have in young age already gone through more shit as others due their whole life. But they have nobody who's helping them with it. The first lesson they learn is: help yourself, nobody else will do. But how's a kid supposed to handle the abuse through his parents? For kids from Chino this is a question about life or death. If they want to survive they need to handle their life's tragedies as fast as possible, because everyday it takes too long can cost you your life. But they only can handle it if they bottle it up and forget about it. Not being bothered what had happened is their motto. If you now start to change this, you only will do more harm to him."

"I don't assume this is a good method to handle things like that and I assume neither this will help Ryan in any way." Her husband intervened.

"That's true, but what do you wanna do? Ryan is not a communicative kid and he's used to deal with his life on his own. He's already sixteen. You can't change his measure of handling things anymore. This train has left. So I don't think he will give you an insight of what has happened to soon. I rather expect he never will. So, he's going to handle everything on his own and live life on. "

"All in all you want to tell me Ryan will be okay with what some cruel and violent person had done to him, just like that?" She wasn't sure if she should believe what the doctor said. Ryan never had seemed as if his past was a problem for him, that was true. But she couldn't imagine he was happy about it either. And whether he was capable of handling it or not, they've never got to know. Maybe he didn't handle it and only didn't show them.

"No, that's exactly not what I want to tell you. I only want you to know that a little talking won't help him. This case is a much more complicated. His rough behaviour, the lack of trust – all this is an indicator for all got buried deep down inside. So deep down that not even a therapist will be able to reach anything. It's up to him to let all his conflicts free. Talking in those cases is no use for nothing. One day they may tell you something about their past, but it only will be words. Nothing else. But important are the emotions connected to their experiences and these are locked up in the deepest and darkest corner of semselves. I honestly don't want to know what he had bottled up inside." This was only more reason for her, to help Ryan.

"Well, I can't imagine leaving things alone with Ryan is such a good idea." She said. She wasn't able to believe Ryan was handling things that easy. She remembered his reaction when his mother had told them about their past and this hadn't seemed as if he was handling it well. He wasn't handling anything. He just left it untouched.

"Of course it's not. But as I've said, I don't know whether it is good leaving open all these wounds for too long, or even open up old ones due the attempt of help. If you start open up all these wounds he might break on all these emotions and impressions, because he's not able to handle them. That's why kids like he are bottling up everything and try to forget. And what if you really can open up everything? His life will be messed up, things will get out of control and escalate. Ryan won't be able to pull himself together alone. All this can turn out – no it will turn out – into the worse nightmare you and he ever has had. Averting this will be a lot of hard work. Normally familys break on this issue and the kids are left alone again – broken and hurt. I guess I don't have to picture out what will come afterwards or?" She wasn't able to follow her flow of words, thus shrugged her shoulder.

"Drugs, OD, death. Thus letting him bottle it up may give him some more time, before the disaster breaks loose from itself." The doctor said. This doctor sounded self-righteous and she hated it. She hated what the doctor told her. She hated it, if one told her she couldn't handle her sons, couldn't handle her family. She hated it, if someone damned her doing nothing and only watch how things got worse and worse. She felt how her husband squeezed her hand, letting her know they would handle it.

"So it's a game on time?" Her husband asked. The doctor shrugged her shoulders. Now she really looked sorry, even sad. What kind of woman was she?

"So you want to tell us there's no way, how we can really help him?" She was reluctant to believe there was no way to get Ryan through this. There had to be something they could do.

"I'm sorry, but after nearly twenty years experience with cases like that, I haven't found any other solutions. I know this sounds hard, but – with Joey - I've adopted three children. All in the same situation like Ryan. The difference: they were all not older than ten, and thus their background doesn't contain as much bad experiences as Ryan's does. But even with these children it's a hard job to work up their pasts. Due this we've received a lot of screaming, harsh words and even violent reactions. Nevertheless it was worth for, because my kids now really are in a stable state, like normal kids should be. They consider me and my husband as their parents. They accept us as family. So we've been able to build together with them a base of trust, comfort and love – no matter how sentimental this may sound to you. But it was really, really tough to get so far with them. And considering Ryan? He's sixteen, double Joey's age. And if it's a rough job with eight to ten years old, you can imagine what it will be like with someone in Ryan's age. I'm sorry I won't give it a try, because this is a battle you only can lose." Oh, now she understood. She had adopted children and she had a lot of experience. The doctor wanted to help them. Three children like Ryan. Wow, this woman was tough. She regretted that she hadn't met Ryan earlier. If they had, they would have been able to help him. But now? After all these words she felt helpless and the last thing she wanted to do was hurting Ryan any more. He already was hurt enough he couldn't bear any more. But leaving him alone? This didn't sound after a solution for her. She had to admit to it: they were caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. No matter what they did, it was wrong. Ryan was lost. But this couldn't be true or? Was it already too late to do anything, no matter what?

"So, you dissuade us from touching these points, to prevent hurting him more?" She asked carefully.

"It's up to you. If you can get Ryan through his whole past, you're likely to do so. But if you're not sure, you shouldn't even start with it. I'm sorry. I can't help you more. I'm sorry. If there was more I can do for you or Ryan, I would. But there's nothing." The doctor's expression had changed from cold into warm.

"Okay, thank you doctor." Her husband said.

"No problem. I'm available for further questions." Then the doctor went off and they entered the room again.

She had a curious feeling. What the doctor had said about him coming back with them didn't sound good. _Don't push him too hard_. What was this supposed to mean? May it be that he didn't want come back with them? But if not, why? There was something wrong with him, but nobody told her what it was. They were helpless. Who ever had thought of her and her husband as helpless at some point of their life? This was not how things worked in their lives. If she hadn't any idea what to do, it was her husband or vice versa. And if they had no clue as single person, they had one together. But not having any idea up on their sleeves? She felt uncomfortable and miserable. She wasn't used to situations like that.

"You can leave tomorrow that's good, isn't it?" Her husband said, when they reached Ryan.

"Yeah." Ryan seemed depressed. She sat on his bed and stroked over his arm, to make him feel better.

"So, you can come back to us again. The pool house is still yours, what do you think?" Her husband went on. Ryan was still staring at the blanket.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked him, hoping he would open up to them. She saw that he was thinking. No, not thinking, but struggling for finding the right words.

"If you have any concerns about anything you can tell us." Sandy started a new attempt to get him to talk to them. She saw how Ryan began to be nervous. His body language told her that he felt uneasy. _Don't push him too hard_. Maybe it was better if they waited until tomorrow. Then they would see anyway how he had decided.

"I…It's not like…you know…I don't wanna be ungrateful and…" He started to stammer. She took his hand, but he pulled it away. He tried to make a distance.

"I…I've already caused so much trouble and I can't ask you for bearing any more." This sentence broke her heart. She couldn't stand him blaming himself for what he hadn't caused.

"Honey, but that's not your fault."

"Yeah, sure. But if it hadn't been me, Seth never would have gotten involved into a fight, you never would have been bothered with the police and the youth welfare, Marissa wouldn't have had so much trouble with her Mum and your relationship to your father wouldn't be as strained. Sorry, but since I appeared in your life, everything is messed up and I don't wanna make things worse as they already are. Maybe I'm really better off alone." Wow, she never had listen to Ryan speaking so many words at a stretch. But what he said hurt her and the glance of her husband told her he was feeling the same.

"Ryan listen, the relationship to my Dad always had been strained. This has nothing to do with you."

"And that we had laboured us with the police and the youth welfare had been _our_ decision. This is not in a bit your fault. It had been _our_ decision. _We_ had decided about you being a part of our family and thus we're to be blamed for - if at all there is something to be blamed for anyway. Everything we've done in this case had come from our heart and we had wanted it that way. Only because we have to invest some time into it, doesn't mean you're causing trouble." Her husband explained. She wasn't sure if Ryan understood. He didn't seem to feel better.

"And the relationship from Marissa and her Mum never had been good. When you came here, Marissa only had started to stand up against her Mum and this is good. And Seth… okay, they have beaten him up, but you've been the first one, who had vouched for him and this really had been a very expensive experience for him." She went on. Ryan still didn't look at them.

"Ryan let us try it again. Okay, you're faster with your fists than with your mouth. But you're also an intelligent, hardworking and reliable kid. Ryan nobody is expecting you already behave like an adult. You need to learn and make more experiences, like everyone in your age. And as well nobody wants you to be perfect. I and Kirsten aren't perfect either. Just be the Ryan whom I had brought home this one evening. This is all." How was Sandy doing this? He always found the right words and also was able to speak them in a manner everybody was going to believe him.

"I…I don't think that I can be that way again, after all what had happened." He said. He sounded sad and depressed.

"Take your time and if you want to talk to someone, we're there, anytime." She said and took him into her arms. He didn't fight her, but he felt lifeless. Something had changed and something was gnawing on his soul. It was obvious. She only hoped he was going to talk to her about it. He needed to do so. But there was a gap and he was keeping it, she felt it. Ryan had shut down.


	18. Chapter 18

I ought to learn, but with such trusty reads it's a bit difficult ;)

* * *

**H**e went to the pool house. Man, had he been glad when his parents came home with Ryan. He had gone nuts if Ryan would have staid away any longer. The blinds were up, thus he just went in and dropped onto one of the sofas. The bed was empty and he heard noises coming from the bathroom. The bathroom door opened and Ryan came out towelling his hair. Unfortunately he only was dressed in trousers, no shirt. He was forced to see the whole dimension of the night, in which he had brought Ryan to the hospital. It looked nasty and even worse. His body was nearly completely coloured in blue and violet, with cuts all over his body.

"Hey." Ryan greeted him and put on a shirt. He wasn't aware that his mouth was opened like barn door.

"Seth, what's wrong?" He asked him. He awoke from his trance of wondering how this boy in front of him stood there as if nothing had happened. He for his part wouldn't have been able to leave the bed for the next two months or more.

"Your complexion is very colourful."

"Yeah, for the next weeks or better months you should stay out of trouble because I won't be able to box you out of it."

"Understood. So, how do you feel?" After what he had seen he started to worry if Ryan really was okay or just was playing the tough guy.

"Good."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Ryan started to look at him with his suspicious tell-me-what-you-want-or-I'll-kill-you look.

"I just wanted to know if you're okay. I mean it is understandable if you're feeling confused after being jerked around from Chino to Newport, back to your Mum and again back to your pool house, to jail and back to your pool house again, into a foster home, to a hospital and now back. I mean, I would feel confused. And I only wanted to ask whether you're okay or if you feel like being home nowhere, not knowing where you belong to, who you are and stuff. You know all these troubled child problems. I guess…"

"Seth, I'm okay." Ryan said. But he didn't buy it from him.

"You're okay now. But later everything will befall you and then you need someone to talk to and I only wanted to let you know that I'm always there for you. Uh…okay, maybe I'm out with Summer or at school, giving sailing lessons or I might be at the comic shop. But if not - you know – just let me know."

"Seth, you're talking the whole time. I won't be able to get a word edgewise." Ryan answered.

"Ryan, I'm not only a good talker. I'm even good in listening and analyzing and I'm sure if you come to me and talk about your problems, I'll be able to fix them for you. I'll be there."

"Thanks Seth, but I'm really okay." Ryan answered and went to the kitchen. It was as it always had been, as if nothing had changed and it felt good.

"So what do you want to do about Oliver?" Seth asked. Now with Ryan back they should find a solution. Ryan always found a solution.

"Uh…dunno." Ryan said, while he was pouring the milk into the bowl with cereals.

"What? You've had three days time to think about it. You should have a solution for it. You're disappointing me, seems as if you're flagging."

"I'm not flagging. I'm on evil pain killers."

"Yes, you're a little junkie in the moment…"

"Seth!" He said in his stop-to-talk-or-I'll-kill-you-voice. He noticed that Ryan still hadn't realized that this wasn't working.

"I just think we need to do something about it. He's dangerous and endangering Marissa – no he's endangering whole Newport."

"Maybe, but what am I supposed to do about it?" Stop right there. This was so not Ryan. He needed to wake up Ryan from his sleep. Nah, probably he really was on drugs and not himself in the moment.

"What you're always doing with guys like him: threatening him and if this doesn't work beating the shit out of him."

"Seth, I don't want this language in my house." His Mum said and stepped into the kitchen.

"Hi Mum." Seth said. How much did his Mum hear? Not much if she hadn't been down stairs for long. But maybe she had been and maybe she belonged to those who eavesdrops her children.

"Hey Ryan, how are you?" His Mum asked.

"I'm okay." He answered in his usual polite voice. He was going insane if someone asked this questin again, he saw it on the expression on his face.

"Yes, he says he's okay, but under the surface he's a hurt boy who only looks for someone to talk to."

"Seth, what are you talking about?" Ryan asked him.

"As I've said, I can imagine that…"

"If you need to talk about anything, don't be shy coming to me. My door's always open for you." His Mum said.

"So what's about Oliver?" He heard his father, who was focusing Ryan.

"Uhm…" Ryan began to stammer. No, this was his part. Ryan should save his words and save his strength for actions.

"He's sending weird texts messages to Marissa. And with weird I really mean weird, like psycho weird. Well, we don't know what these messages are supposed to mean, but probably nothing good."

"Does Marissa know?" His father asked.

"That's…"

"No, not now, because it's not smart to let her know now. We want to give Oliver some false sense of security. We don't want that he goes berserk after he noticed that his plan failed." He went on and caught some confused glances from Ryan. But if he wasn't able to solve the problem, it was his part to do so and he had already started with it.

"You should leave this issue with someone else. If only the slightest suspicion is raised about Ryan wanting to harm this Oliver, he's back in jail again." His father answered.

"Do you only mean Oliver or do you mean every one in his surrounding?" He asked. Only Oliver wouldn't make sense. If it was about all people he had beaten up, then they also needed to consider Luke and the whole water polo team and some other guys he didn't know.

"In these special circumstances I'm only talking about Oliver, but it wouldn't harm Ryan if he was going to control his temper." His father said. He looked at Ryan who had stopped eating. This conversation again had turned into a direction in which Ryan was going to be cornered and this wasn't good.

"And this hasn't coincidentally to do with some person who had filled a charge against me?" Hu? What was the dude talking about? Hadn't he listened carefully enough and thus had missed the main point? He looked at his parents who looked seriously had each other. Then his Mum sat down. What was this supposed to mean?

"Yes, Oliver had been the one who had accused you for beating him up." His father said. Wow, this was close to the bone. Hey, this was why his parents were sharing his opinion about Oliver. This was why his parents allowed him to stay at home, instead of going to school.

"And under these circumstances the message makes a lot of more sense." He said.

"Would you like to show me the message?" His father asked Ryan, who had started to focus the counter. He shrugged and took Marissa's mobile out of his pocket and gave it to Sandy. Something was strange. Ryan didn't look at anyone and he also didn't fly into rage as he had expected he would. After all this Oliver was the reason for the cracks in Marissa's and his relationship and he was the reason why he had been beaten up and send into a foster home. How was he able to remain that calm? He only hoped Ryan hadn't reached the state of indifference and inwardly was seething under his surface. Because who else then was going to solve the Oliver problem?

He watched his father reading the message. Then he gave Ryan the mobile back.

"How did you get the mobile?" His father asked in his strict lawyer voice. This question blew his top. His father still treated Ryan like a suspect felon. But it was clear that Ryan was the victim this time. He was a victim of some cruel game staged by Oliver Trask. Man, his father couldn't be that stupid to not realizing that or? Why was his father still thinking of Ryan as the bad guy who messed up everything? This was unfair. Ryan didn't deserve being accused for every shit happening in Newport.

"Ma…"

"Marissa gave it to him, after they have taken his because of this contact prohibition. We needed to be able to stay in contact with him for arranging new meetings, thus Marissa offered it to him. He didn't even want to take it anyway. He only took it because of us. So stop treating him like a felon, because…" His father needed to know that this wasn't Ryan's fault. Ryan had nothing to do with this.

"Seth, it's okay." Ryan said, got up and went back to the pool house.

"Well done Dad. Couldn't you have been a little more sensitive towards him? I think after all he went through -although we even don't know what it was- I guess he's not comfortable with judgments." He started to defend Ryan. Ryan always had been there for him and he was not going to do the same mistake he had done, when Oliver first time occurred in their lives.

"Seth, this is no judgement, just a measure of precaution." His father answered.

"Since when does measure of precaution mean: treating someone like a dangerous criminal? When there is someone who's a dangerous criminal then it's this Oliver. He's the one who's playing a cruel game at the expense of Ryan." Ryan wasn't the one who had messed it up, but Oliver. His parents needed to understand this point. They needed to realize Ryan was a victim, not the predator.

"I'm not treating Ryan like a dangerous criminal and I'm quite aware of the fact that weneed to have an eye on Oliver. But the fact is everything stands and falls with Ryan's behaviour. And in the moment the facts aren't on his side." Facts, facts, facts. He hated it when his father started to be the fact-linked lawyer, who only saw the case in a problem, but not the people around it.

"These are only facts you've read in a file. But you should know better. You know Ryan and you know that he's less a criminal than the rest of these Newport freaks."

"Seth, we know that Ryan isn't one of these cruel and cold criminals. We know that he's not harming anyone just for fun. But he harms people, if he sees himself forced to do so." His Mum horned in. Now he got to listen to their diplomatic shit from both sides.

"Yes and he has his reasons."

"And he needs to understand that he can't solve his problems with his fists. He's not in Chino anymore and when he wants to live here, he needs to adopt the rules." His father now went on. He had no doubt that Ryan already had realized that he had left Chino. After all, here he got less his ass kicked than there.

"And he really tries hard to do so."

"And he had battered Oliver this one day at school." His father said in a strict voice. He was close to screaming.

"Yes, and he had Luke allowed to kick his ass without even defending himself. I really think your expectations are too high."

"These are no high expectations. This is what I expect from everyone living in this house. And that is what I expect from everyone else. What do you think Newport would look like if everyone was going to beat up the person he has a problem with?"

"And why are you still concerned about the people from Newport? Ryan…is part of our family now. You should be on his side and not on the one of some psychotic freaks." He now screamed. He never had screamed, but he never had found it that hard to explain something to his father.

"Seth, I am on his side and I try to do everything to keep him here. But you've seen how easy it is for others to take him away from us. There only needs to be someone telling the police a nice little bedtime story and he'll have to leave again. We can't allow him to give anyone any more reason to do so and we can't allow him more recordation in his file, because this would only make it easier to argue the police into the truth of a bedtime story." This was it. _Nice little bedtime story_. This was what his father really thought about the whole thing? He didn't believe that Ryan had beaten up Oliver. Now he was seeing the point. The slightest mistake could lead his brother…friend…brother, whatever back into a foster home or even jail. Even a parking ticket could be the reason for this. Ryan sat in a mess. Only his existence could give someone enough reason to fill a charge against him and even if he was keeping his number of recordation, this someone would be able to take Ryan away again, like Oliver has been.

"I don't understand it. I mean, if someone goes to the police and tells them I had beaten him up, could they deal with me likewise?" He now asked his Dad.

"No. They would start to look for facts and at the end they would come to the conclusion that you never would beat up someone." Okay, he wasn't in the same mess as Ryan. But he still didn't understand this difference between them.

"And how do they justify this difference?"

"First problem: Ryan came from Chino to Newport and thus he's burdened with all prejudices which reach over from normal people, over the police to the court. If you're from Chino, you're a born criminal. You can't do anything against it. Second problem: he has some recordation in his file. This leads us to the third problem: most of these criminal offences happened in Newport – a Chino kid who roughs up the idyllic Newport. Not good." This didn't sound good. Again he felt how much he hated all these prejudices. If Ryan hasn't been there Luke might have been shot, Marissa might have died from an overdose or through Oliver and he probably would have suffered from his first broken nose bone.

"And that Ryan has gotten his…has gotten abused by his mother's boyfriends and that his mother has abandoned him doesn't count?"

"This makes it even worse." His Mum said. She came over to him and took him into her arms. He was confused by this behaviour, but he let it happen. Thus Mum was telling him she had listened to him, felt for him and she was there.

"Honey, we're living in Newport. Prejudices are the other people's life. And when we talk to Ryan like that, we only want to make clear to him that every day is a walk on a tightrope. We don't want to lose him again, but we also can't lock him up in the pool house until he's off age. Thus we're talking to him like that, hoping he realizes his situation." She stroked through his hair and gave him a kiss onto his forehead.

"Don't you think he already had understood that and…and only has problems with putting it into action?"

"He has to start to think about himself and not only about the others. But I go and talk to him. I don't want him to feel attacked." His Dad said, putting a hand onto his shoulder, showing him he understood his reaction.


	19. Chapter 19

Two questions. 1: Three options. Which one do you prefer? a) from longt to very long story b) story with sequel c) open end (might be cliffhanger) 2: Charcter death or not? So, I appreciate suggestions :)

* * *

**H**e stood in the kitchen of the pool house taking some of the medication Dr. Harrison had given to him. Someone knocked on his door and then the door opened. It was Sandy. He immediately put the bottles into a drawer. Nobody needed to know what he was taking or better - what he had to take if he wanted to prevent worse. He went to his bed, sat down on it and got ready for a new lesson about how bad things looked considering him. Sandy sat down next to him.

"How are you?" He started with his polite starter. He hated this question and yes, he didn't want another conversation like the one in the kitchen. In somehow he felt as if all was growing over his head in the moment and it felt hard not to go postal.

"I'm okay." He didn't look at Sandy. No, he didn't feel comfortable. He had no idea how to act around him. He had the feeling as if everything he was doing or not doing was wrong, only giving more reason for him being sentenced.

"Ryan what I've said in there…it doesn't mean that I'm judging you or that I'm thinking of you as a dangerous criminal. But what has happened, is the best proof of how easily they can take you from us." And again. Sandy probably was the only person, who could make you feel good while he was telling you that everything was your fault.

"Yeah…sorry." He said. He had no idea what else to say. It was as if only his existence was enough to produce endless trouble. It…it was a messed up situation he was in. He should have accepted from the very beginning that this won't work.

"This is nothing to apologize for. It…it's only an everyday walk on a tightrope." This meant: everyday was trouble. He should have remained steadfast and left. It would have been the best solution for all of them. The Cohens would have gotten their stable and idyllic lives back and he…he would have tried to stay out of trouble and wouldn't have to meet with all these hatred and prejudices about him. This life here was definitive more complicated than his old one in Chino. If there someone didn't like you, he beat the shit out of you. But here? First of all you never knew who your friend was and who wasn't. And then all these lies and intrigues, man this was not only complicated. It was worse than every fight he had been involved in. He focused his hands and …yes, living here was overstraining him. Wow, did this sound weak. The little boy from Chino is unable to cope with the rich people's tragedies. They all have thought living in these kinds of areas was more than easy and unworried. But it was a complicated, rough and a bloody battle.

"Hey kid, what's wrong?" Sandy asked him. Only now he awoke from his trance of thinking.

"Uh…I…dunno. Just thinking." He wasn't made for a life here. It was as if it was ruining him. What a shit was that? He was able to live together with a stranger who was kicking his ass nearly everyday. He was able to live with an always drunken mother and he was able to live a life with no perspective. But he wasn't able to live together with persons who cared about him. He wasn't able to live a life in which he hadn't to care how to earn enough money to get through a month, carrying his mother and her boyfriends on his back as well. What a fucked up was he? It seemed as if all there prejudices were the truth. If you had lived through what he had, you wasn't able to get used to stability. It was as they said: someone like he never was going to be like them. Everything he had here was out of reach for him. He never was going to get out of the dirt he came from.

"And what are you thinking about?" Oh, yeah. Sandy was still there. He couldn't tell him, it was ungrateful only having these thoughts. But what was he supposed to do about it?

"Nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing. Listen, I know it's very complicated in the moment and I can imagine that you must feel…okay, I can't even imagine how you must feel. I really would appreciate it if you start talking to me. Otherwise I can't help you." Helping him? This was impossible. His life already was messed up. Helping him meant turning back the time to the date of his birth.

"Ryan c'mon. This is really a thing we should work on. I mean, I don't want you to talk as much as Seth is doing, but a little more could help all of us and especially you. You can't bottle it all up, because all what's there inside," Sandy taped on his chest. "will find its way out and we all know how this ends."

"Trouble." He only said.

"What?"

"Trouble. I'm nothing more than trouble. That's why I didn't want to come back." Lying to Sandy wouldn't work anyway. Despites lying never had been his way of solving problems.

"Ryan that's not true. Only because things with you aren't as easy as with Seth, it doesn't mean you're only trouble." Why didn't this man notice when he was making things worse due to his whole talking shit?

"I can't change myself I only can try and I really do. I also can't change what has happened I only can apologize for it. But this still isn't enough. I…I just don't match into this society and this is never going to change."

"Ryan, this is no question about whether you match into this society or not. This is a question about…protecting you. We don't demand from you to change and we know everything what had happened - the model home, the water polo team - was unwittingly. Ryan, all we see in you is a good kid and we're aware of all these changes in your life might be overstraining you. But you have to let us help you and thus you need to talk to us. We can't help you, if we don't know where your problems are." He only nodded. Sandy sighed. They staid in silence. Sandy always staid a little, hoping he was going to he never did so and today was no different.

"So didn't the doctor say something about one week bed rest?" Oh no. If he hated something, then it was being forced to stay in bed the whole day. He wasn't made for doing nothing through the whole day.

"That bad?" Sandy asked further. Right, they still hadn't gotten back the guardianship, thus they didn't know what had happened. He could stay in silence about it, but this would be unfair. At least Sandy really tried to get him to talk to them. How much would it hurt him, if he opened up to them? He wasn't sure. Okay, he didn't have to talk about everything.

"Two broken ribs and a concussion, so nothing with late effects." Late effects. He only hoped there won't be none.

"And you've gotten any medication?" Why was this important? Did he want to check if he had brought a junkie into his home?

"Hey, I'm only worried and just wanted to check if you need anything. Pain killers?"

"Uh…no I have everything, thanks."

"So, you have medication?"

"Yeah, Dr. Harrison gave me some pain killers, but I'm not taking them." This was the truth. Yes, he was afraid of medications. Hell knew why.

"Sure? I thought you have…" Shit, he had witnessed more than he was supposed to witness.

"Yeah, but that's…" What was it? "that's something to avert inflammations." He said. Okay, it wasn't the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. It just was. Sandy sighed.

"Ryan, we're really worried about you and we all would feel better if you start to talk to us. You've had a rough time before you come here and your time in this foster home was anything else than lucky. So, stop pretending as if you were cool with everything, 'cause I'm not buying this from you." Sandy got up and he remained sitting on the edge of the bed. He always had known Sandy was a critical man, but he never had thought he was that critical about things. And he never had thought Sandy was paying that much attention to him, even looking through him. Okay, not completely, but in somehow.

"I would commend you to go back to bed…"

"But I'm okay."

"Yeah, sure. This was no option, but an obligation. I tell Seth that he shell stay home until one of us is back, in case you need any help."

"Intervention is hopeless?" He only asked, hoping he at least wouldn't have to stay in bed for the whole day or for the whole week.

"No intervention. Take your time and recover and then we'll see how things will go from there. Okay?" He only nodded. He admired Sandy for being that optimistic and honest. He never had met a person like that before. And the fact that this Newport-social-environment hadn't polluted his attitude was even more admirable. He dropped down onto the bed. Oh, he was even more tired as he had felt when he had gotten up. He crawled under the blanket and closed his eyes. Immediately he was back in his black hole, without noises, feelings, smells and tastes.


	20. Chapter 20

Hi! I'm soooooooooooo endless sorry for my language, but I haven't found a Beta yet :(((, but I take all your advices to heart and I'm seriously working on my language skills. So, I hope I'll make some progress due to my learning. So, please don't kill me, because I do what's in my power.

Neverthless I need to warn you: updating will take longer than usually, because my summer semester starts and my schedule is very nasty.

And now: no character death? Do you want a fluffy end? So, my third question, in case I will not kill the person I'm thinking of: Good Will Hunting or xXx? What kind of end? ;)

* * *

**S**he went to the pool house. Since this morning she hasn't seen or heard anything from Ryan and she started to worry. Sandy had told her Ryan wanted to go back to sleep, thus she opened the door silently. He was asleep. He really must have been tired, but he deserved his peace. She sat down on his bed. It was already six in the evening and he hadn't eaten anything proper through the whole day. Her look fell onto his bruised left cheek. It still looked awfully and she wondered how a human being was able to do something like that to another human being. She still wanted to know what had happened, but they still hadn't received back their guardianship for him and he was hardly talking about it - as usual. He never talked a lot. She was thinking about whether it sometimes was better to force someone to talk about the traumatic parts of one's past. But Dr. Harrison was in somehow right. Ryan had found his way to deal with it and he never had seemed as if he couldn't handle it. No, the worse of all was that he seemed okay with what has happened to him. On the other hand, who knew how people like Ryan saw their lives? Maybe he felt awful about it, but had figured out he couldn't change anything. Perhaps he really was okay with it or he only 'was' in somehow. Nevertheless he needed to wake up.

"Hey, time to wake up." She said in a quiet voice, stroking his cheek.

"Hmmm." He grumbled and then slowly opened his eyes. These blue and shy eyes looked at her. That was Ryan: A tough guy with eyes from a lost child.

"Time for dinner." She said. Ryan got up, rubbing his eyes.

"How late is it?" He asked her.

"Six."

"What? Oh…sorry. I didn't....didn't want to sleep that long." He said. Again he started to focus some point in the room, avoiding looking at her. He felt embarrassed. That was what she had learned about him. When Ryan started to focus something close to the floor, he felt embarrassed. Oh, now she started really to think about Ryan as a project. No, she didn't learn something about him, she read in him. This at least sounded more humanly. And Ryan was a human and he had to be treated like one. Again she was flying into rage. Only because he wasn't an easy child like Seth and came from a troubled area, it didn't gave them permission to treat him like a worthless thing. He was a child, her son and she won't allow anyone again to do something like this to him again.

"It's okay. You're probably not feeling quite well. Sandy told be about the broken ribs and the concussion." She said honestly. This was the best way to build a new base of trust. A new one? When she thought back, it felt as if there never had been one. And this had been their entire problem. If they had trusted each other more, who knew if this had happened then?

"No, no I'm fine. Really." He said. Don't worry about me - his motto. I come to terms. How often had they tried to show him he could rely on them? She was asking herself whether they haven't been able to make Ryan understand or if he had understood, but only didn't want to bother them. The conversation they had in the hospital wasn't going to leave her mind. Since when did someone, a child, consider himself as a burden? What was he afraid of, what made him think not being good enough for them? She had no answer. Was it all linked to his past or was there more behind this curtain of blue eyes and inviolability?

"Ryan, you know we are there for you, as well as we are for Seth?" She asked him. She wanted the answer to her question whether he had understood them. Again the boy focused something on the floor. No answer. Sure: no words when you feel uncomfortable. This was his way to react.

"Why do you start to feel uncomfortable when I say something like that?" She asked. He looked surprised at her. His eyes asked: how do you know? She wanted to answer it, but she left it with that. She wanted to get the ball rolling slowly. Ryan needed time to think. Sometimes he reminded her of a small, helpless captured animal, which had no clue what was happening next to it. After all what has happened, it was intelligible that he was feeling insecure. Without warning his mother had left him - twice. Without warning he was dragged into this whole new life style and even without warning he was taken into a foster home.

"You're worrying about what might happen next?" She asked him again. He only shrugged his shoulders.

"I dunno. Everything is just a little…confusing, I guess." He answered. He tried to be polite and he knew not answering questions wasn't. But he also didn't want to open up to someone. It was the same as usual.

"I don't know how often I have to tell you, you can talk to me or Sandy anytime." She sighed. There was nothing coming out of the boy. "Okay, well, dinner is ready then." She said and got up.

"Kirsten? I…uhm…" Ryan started to stammer. She turned around and looked at him. She saw in his face how he was searching for the right words. How to say something short, without wasting too many words. This was how he tried to hide his emotions. Words were the best indicators for hidden emotions. They way one spoke and chose them was what made them the messenger of emotions.

"I know that, and I appreciate it…and I also understand that you mean it well…though I don't feel like talking. So don't be mad or something, okay?" She looked into his eyes. Again he was afraid they were cross with him, only because he didn't behave the way they liked him to. Although '_liked him to_' was the wrong expression. They only wanted to help and comfort him, but this was impossible without him talking to them.

"I'm…we're not mad about it. It's just like we don't feel good about not knowing what happened to you and how you feel about it. I mean if it was Seth…" She wanted to explain, but Ryan cut her sentence.

"I'm not Seth." He nearly whispered these words. He needed to say this, but was embarrassed about it all at once. No, he wasn't Seth. Seth probably would have talked to them, searching for their closeness. Ryan instead said nothing and staid alone. It sometimes felt as if he was avoiding them.

"I know, but…but you're my son too and I can't cope with the idea someone hurting you and into the bargain just for fun." He shrugged his shoulders, saying: never mind. He was indifferent about himself. What did it need to get a sixteen years old boy into such a mental state? She was afraid to get to know.

She saw how he got up and then they went into the house.

"Don't you want eat more?" She asked Ryan. A boy like he needed to eat more, especially if even Seth was eating like a horse.

"Uh…no thanks. I'm rather looking forward keeping it." He said. She looked at her husband, what was the boy talking about?

"Side effects of concussions: headaches and nausea." Her husband said.

"Oh, Dad is speaking from his own experience." Seth added. She was glad that he always kept his humour. The whole situation would be more strained without him. She was glad having been able to raise a happy and lucky boy, although his sarcasm sometimes was a little out of place.

"So, Ryan, you need to go to school again." She started a more serious topic.

"Couldn't harm." He answered.

"So, Sandy and I, we've talked to Dr. Kim and she said you can go back to Harbor when you're up to it again." Now it was out. She caught an angry glance from Seth.

"Mum, did you forget who else is going there? This is asking for trouble." Yeah, there was this Oliver thing, but Ryan and Seth needed the best education they could get. Only on Harbor they were advanced in proper way. If Seth really wanted to be a name in the comic-branch, he needed to visit the best university serving his needs for that, but this also meant he needed to go back to Harbor. And Ryan? Okay, he wasn't sure about what was coming next after school. But it was clear to her both were wasting their talents if they went to a normal public school.

"Uhm…I guess Seth is right and…I wouldn't be able to follow the stuff anyway. I'm sure I missed a whole lot and it's impossible to work this gap off." Sure, for them.

"That's what you've said, when you went there first time, but your report card spoke another language." Her husband started to encourage him. One thing was for sure. If she wanted Seth to go back to Harbor, she needed to persuade Ryan and vice versa. This meant: working on two fronts.

"Seth if you want to get a foot into Brown University it's indispensable that you graduate in Harbor." She started her attempt on the Seth side. She and her husband had talked about it: She fought at the Seth front, he at the Ryan front. Although she thought of both as their sons, she had a better connection to Seth, although he never was going to admit it.

"Then I don't go there." Seth was stubborn.

"Yes, but then you can forget your dream of being a famous comic artist and this would be a wasted talent." She answered. Seth looked stunned at her.

"But…Mum…I thought…"

"What? That I'm like my Dad and not tolerating your dream? You've thought wrong. I've seen your drawings and I have to say there is a lot of potential that needs to be advanced, but this is only possible at the Brown." She put her cards on the table.

"But…Mum…since when?"

"Do you really think a mother doesn't know what her son is doing? I know everything what's going on around here, believe me. And I want you to make your dream become true."

"And what about the Newport Group?" Seth never had been that speechless.

"We'll see then. Important is that we support you in your dream to build something up on your own and that's why we think you have to go back to Harbor." She knew her son. She knew how much he loved comics and how much he was into drawing them and developing concepts and stories. And he was good. No, he was more than good. She never had seen something like that before. She always had wanted to be able drawing like that on her own. But she wasn't. Seth's comic outlines were interesting, something new and they mirrored Seth. They showed how much love and emotions Seth inherited. They showed how creative and intelligent he was. They showed what he had learned through his life and that he was idealistic. All this, what made Seth her Seth, was what made his comics so special and she wanted the whole world to know who this Seth was. Seth, the most loving person on earth and her son. Her son, she wanted to protect and whom she wanted to show what he meant to her, everyday. She looked at Seth and he was thinking. At least she had reached something.

"But what about Ryan?" Seth asked. They were like Siamese twins. When Ryan had been in this foster home, Seth had been sad and quiet. He had turned into the introvert kid again. But as soon as Ryan had been here again, he had turned again into the self-confident, lucky and cheeky Seth. And yes, she appreciated this Seth.

"If you take care that he stays out of trouble and avoids every meeting with Oliver, I don't see any problem." Her husband said. Ryan rolled his eyes. She threw and angry glance at Sandy. They have had this already this morning. There was no need for a repetition.

"Sorry, you know what I mean. But if you're going to the same school like Oliver and you just treat him like every other student; it'll be the best way to proof the accusation he had made being wrong." Her husband said. Now he had found the right track. Giving Ryan the chance to proof his innocence could work.

"I dunno if this works." He started to doubt. Why did this boy have now sense of optimism? He didn't trust himself. He already thought he was going to cause trouble, although he hadn't tried yet.

"I called Luke and he said if you go back, he's going back as well. Then there'll be two at your side avoiding Oliver's presence." She went on.

"Hey c'mon dude. It will be you and me, like in our old days. We pull some skirts and have some fun." Seth now started to encourage Ryan as well.

"What about Summer?" Ryan asked him critical.

"Okay, I'm caught. But, hey what about you? You're single, most of the girls at Harbor are singles and a guy like you?" She had to laugh inwardly at the scene. While Seth was talking, Ryan's face more and more reach an expression of confusion and strange fear.

"If I say yes, will you stop making plans like these?" He asked.

"If this is how I get you going there with me, I can think about it."

"Okay, then let's give it a try. But what if it's not working?" Doubts, doubts, doubts. They really needed to break Ryan off doubting.

"We'll see then." Her husband said.

"Okay, what means Seth is going back to school tomorrow." She said.

"Hey, and what about him?" Seth pointed at Ryan.

"He's on sick leave for this weak." She said.

"Man, you have luck." Seth said and got up. "Do you wanna play?" He asked Ryan and went to the PlayStation.

"Sorry, but one week, nothing concerning TVs, screens or any other reading related actions." Ryan answered. Seth looked at him.

"This would worsen his headache." Her husband added. "But what about some skat? We're four, this should work." Sandy said.

"This sounds great." She answered. It was long ago they had played something together as a family. And perhaps this could help Ryan to become a bit more a part of her family. Since Ryan had been back, she had felt a gap between him and her, but also between him and Seth and Sandy. Not only she had noticed it. They all had and all feared this gap might grow. They needed to grow together as a family though.

"No man, you don't wanna play with him. He will take you to the cleaners." Seth said.

"Seth!" She warned him. Sometimes his mouth was faster than his thinking.

"That's true. You've never seen him at poker."

"Do you count cards?" Her husband asked. Ryan only shy looked at them.

"Yes and he's a real lord in it."

"We'll see. His head is handicapped." She said and laid the cards onto the table.


	21. Chapter 21

So, hopefully this chapter will be better. I wasn't aware I was running in circles (I guess my studies start to influence my writing. So sorry!!!!)

* * *

**N**ow he was back again. He only needed to stay out of trouble. If this was possible? Again he felt paranoid. He had the feeling as if everyone was staring at him and talking behind his back. But there was enough reason for them to do so. His left cheek still was as colourful as a rainbow. He went to his locker to get his books.

"Hey Chino, so long no see!" It was Summer. He was glad to see someone he knew. Seth had an appointment with Dr. Kim and thus he had made his way through school alone.

"Hi."

"So, how does it feel being back again?"

"Uh…strange." He answered and that was the bloody truth. He felt like a complete stranger.

"Don't worry. Now we're here." She patted his shoulder. Yeah, now they were there and Oliver as well. He still was thinking about how he was going to avoid this little f*****.

"So what do you have now?" Summer asked him.

"Uh…math." He answered. He still had this curious feeling as if something went behind his back and everybody knew it, despite him.

"Oh, my condolence." Summer said. "I gotta go then. See you at lunch." And then she went off. He headed to his classroom. He felt more and more uncomfortable with all these people looking at him. Maybe it would have been better if he had staid in the pool house, until the colour in his face had vanished a little more. He entered the classroom and found Luke already sitting at one of the tables. Man, he never had been that lucky to see a known face, even if it was Luke. He sat next to him.

"Hey, what's up?" Luke asked him.

"Uh, nothing…uh… math."

"Strange being back again and then together with Oliver, isn't it? I can imagine how you're feeling now. I - for my part – wouldn't prefer anything more than kicking this little fucker's ass." Luke said. He felt how something arose in him - a mixture of rage and disappointment. Rage, because due to Oliver he had made Cole's acquaintance and its result still hurt. And he felt disappointment because Marissa hadn't learned from what had happened and again ran into Oliver's arms. It wasn't jealousy. He had made a cut between him and Marissa. They were good friends, nothing more. And if he was honest, after his time in this foster home, he had no feelings at all regarding her. But she was a friend and he couldn't forget the time they had had and what they went through. He just didn't want her to get hurt or even worse by this freak.

"Uh…I haven't thanked you, for your help that night. You know…" He changed topic and he really wanted to thank Luke for what he had done and for being stubborn. He was sure things would have gotten worse if he hadn't forced him to see a doctor.

"Nothing to thank for. I'm only glad you're here again. Now we can show this Oliver how miserable his behaviour is." Oh man, Luke still hated Oliver. Okay, he had been the only one who had believed in his suspicions concerning this…psycho. How was he going to survive his last years at school with Oliver Trask always being around?

The lesson went on slowly. And his paranoia was increasing. He felt glances in his back and he saw how every now and then someone looked at him, as if he was some kind of zoo attraction. Even the teacher paid more attention to him as usual. He was asking him several times if he was okay with the stuff, if he did catch up to the others or if he needed a little extra help. Hey, he could have needed it when he first entered Harbor, but then nobody had paid any attention to him. He had been the bad guy from Chino, who was going to bring trouble all over Newport and Harbor School. And yes, he had liked the lack of attention more. He was not like Oliver who needed everyone's advertence. He was okay with his few friends around. He didn't need more and if he had been able to, he would have gotten vanished in a black hole until everything went normal again. The bell rang. Finally class was over, but until lunch he had some more classes to go through. He and Luke went to the door.

"Ryan," his teacher asked him. Now this started to bother him. No, it already had bothered him, when he had entered the building.

"I know that it's difficult for you in the moment. I can imagine there're many other things up on your mind right now, so don't worry about the school stuff. And if you need any help, just let me know." What was that? In somehow he didn't understand what was going on.

"Yeah, thanks." He answered, but only because he wanted to be polite and not wanted to let the teacher recognize he had no clue what he was talking about. In the hallways he met Luke again.

"Hey, what was that about?" He asked him.

"I dunno." He answered and started to think of if he might have forgotten something important – something that could explain him this situation. The next class was the same. Again the teacher offered him more help than he needed. Man, he had a bruised cheek, he was no cripple.

Eventually it was time for their lunch break and he met Seth.

"Hey, what's up? How were classes? I bet you've enjoyed being advanced in a proper way." A big smile was plastered over his whole face.

"And what did Dr. Kim tell you?" He asked. He just wanted Seth talking. This was distracting him from his paranoia, which was driving him crazy – slowly, but it did.

"Oh, nothing important. Only that she feels sorry how things went and I shell have an eye on you, averting you from hurting Oliver. And then she told me I might have a good influence over you and she wants me to care. Stuff like that." He started to feel like one of these evil dogs, which were only permitted to be kept if one fulfilled all obligations. Hey, he wasn't the dangerous one. He hadn't threatened others with a gun. It was Oliver she ought to talk about this way, not him.

"Hey, don't be pissed. I know you're not the dangerous one. But hell, you know Newport is the empire of prejudices and afraid of the unknown." Right, this was true and he had felt it more than once.

"Wanna have some coffee?" He asked Seth.

"Sure." And then they went into the cafeteria. Again he had the feeling as all eyes were on him when they entered. They fast got their coffee and sat down in a quiet and hidden corner.

"Hey, looks as if your popularity stepped straight up to ten." Seth said. He only looked questioning at him. Sometimes he wondered how Seth always found something to talk about.

"Don't you notice everybody's staring at you?"

"Yeah, waiting for me giving Oliver what he deserves." He grumbled. If Seth noticed too, it meant he wasn't paranoid. But this was even worse. Knowing everybody had a kind of interest in you - for any reason - wasn't what he considered as fun. Hey, Oliver will go postal if he realizes someone steal the attention from him. After he had thought this, he saw how Marissa stepped in with Oliver in tow.

"Uhm…I guess we better go." He said to Seth. He was reluctant to be in the same room with this freak if it wasn't necessary.

"Why?" Seth asked, but then he saw it himself. "Let's wait. Maybe they only get a coffee and leave." Sometimes he wished he was as optimistic as Seth. But he wasn't and he smelled trouble, when it was less then five minutes away.

"Hey Ryan, good to see you're back in school again." Marissa came towards them and hugged him. Normally he wouldn't bother, but under these circumstances he only wanted to leave. He got up.

"Hey, where are you going?" She asked him.

"Avoiding trouble." He said.

"C'mon, can't you just forget what happened? We can start from new." She said. He more and more realized that Marissa only was beautiful, but nothing more. She was naïve, a kind of stupid and assumptive. Oh, and she obviously didn't have a clue of what Oliver had done to him.

"Marissa, if you want to spend time with me, any time. But not with him." He said and then left. Seth followed him.

"Wow, this was a tough announcement. Hey, but I'm glad you've decided to stay out of trouble by yourself, thus I don't have to do this for you."

He spent the rest of the break with Seth and Summer. Later he again headed to his class. Unfortunately he had none together with Seth. He could have needed it. He entered the room and sat down on a table. It didn't take long and someone sat down next to him. It was Marissa. And, shit. Oliver had the same class as well and of course he sat down next to Marissa. He started to look through the class room. There was no other free seat left. He took some deep breaths. He only needed to stay calm. And the best way to do so, was remembering what the last time had happened when he had messed up with Oliver.

"Ryan I need to talk to you." She said and he noticed a kind of sad look up on her face.

"Depends about what." He only answered. He didn't want Oliver to listen to some kind of private conversation, although it was for sure Marissa talking to him later.

"I really feel sorry…and…I don't know what to say. You should have talked to me about that. Of course I can't imagine how it is…you know to be…" He shook his head to show her he didn't understand what she tried to tell him.

"I mean…oh God…it's incredible something like that happened to you."

"To me? What happened to me?" If this was related to his bruised cheek, he was sure she knew he often got a shiner due some kind of fight.

"C'mon. You can talk to me. I know it's not easy and I've read a lot of articles in which women describe how hard it is, to talk about it. But you have to confide to someone. If you don't feel like talking about it to me or the Cohens it's more than understandable, but you have to. Otherwise you never can leave this behind. If you want to, I can give you the number of my therapist."

"Marissa, what are you talking about?" He was sure he didn't need a therapist.

"She was talking about," yes, he wanted to punch this little sucker right into his face, when he started to speak. But he remained calm, "how can I say…about your experience of being assaulted." Bang! What? How? Hell! Fuck! This…? Shit! Now he understood why and…everything. He wasn't able to catch one clear thought after Oliver had said these words.

"Uhm…you…how? I mean how do you come to this assumption?" He only asked.

"Oliver had…" Marissa started to answer.

"Ryan, Dr. Kim wants to talk to you." His teacher said. What was happening right now? Why did Dr. Kim want to talk to him? And who came up with this story? He went down the hallway and stopped in front of Dr. Kim's door. He knocked.

"Come in." He heard a voice then entered the room. When Dr. Kim was aware of him being in the room, also on her face a strange look appeared and now after what Marissa had said, he was sure why she looked at him like that.

"Hi Ryan. Have a seat, please." She said. He got over to her and sat down. She folded her hands on the table and looked intensely at him.

"You know, why I want to talk to you?" She asked him. Now he was going to play the clueless.

"Sorry, I don't know." He answered. Dr. Kim sighed.

"Okay, I know you don't want to talk about it. But rape is a very serious topic and you shouldn't stay silent about it. And I only wanted to say, if there is any problem – no matter what kind – you can come to me. I'll try to offer you any kind of help you need." Alright, this went too far and he had to stop it.

"With all respect Dr. Kim, but there's nothing true about the rumour going around in school."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry for that. I informed your teachers. Something must have leaked out. But…"

"Sorry for interrupting you, but I've never been assaulted." He tried to get Dr. Kim down from her trip.

"Ryan, I know about your problematic background and I can imagine you would do everything to make this undone, but you need to face the truth."

"And the truth is that I've never been assaulted. Yes, my father beat me up, as well as all my mother's boyfriends, but I've never been assaulted." He asked himself how often he was going to say these words again.

"It's okay Ryan. But why didn't you talk to the Cohens about it? I was quite surprised when I called them and they told me they didn't know anything about this."

"Yeah, because it never had happened. And besides just for the case it had happened – what's not the case right now - , who gives you the right to tell everyone about it. And from whom did you get the information?"

"Mr. Trask was prividently to tell me. I really appreciated it, thus it's possible for me to consider it, concerning your behaviour and efforts."

"Yeah, thank you." He only answered. Then she released him. He neither had an idea how to get this out of the world, nor what to make with Oliver. But one thing was for sure: he needed to go home…to the Cohens…home, whatever and explain to them this being a mistake, otherwise he never was going to go on with his life in a normal way. He felt how something inside of him slowly started to break into pieces and it started to hurt. Shit, exactly this was, what he had wanted to prevent. He went through the hallways. Oliver waited at the lockers.

"How was the conversation with Dr. Kim?" He asked him. He didn't answer. Oliver followed him.

"I tie you into knots. You'll crawl on the ground begging me for mercy. But I won't listen. I want to destroy you and I know I can. Now you're in my hand. I'll break you into little pieces. You'll be mental crippled when I'm finished with you." Oliver hissed. This was enough. He turned around and left.


	22. Chapter 22

Hey it's me again. Thanks for the feedback. It's very helpful an encouraging. Ansy Pansy aka Panz: of course I meant experience.

So, nevertheless I have a decision to make and I need some advice: so the second part of the story will be stilistic very differnt. So I still don't know if I finish this whole thing with a cliffhanger (so there will be two or three chapters come up). Or I go one or... I dunno. As you can see, I'm very clueless and need help!!!!

But, while you're thinking about how to help me, I hope you have fun reading this ;)

* * *

**T**hey sat in the kitchen. The atmosphere was strained. When he looked at his parents he saw a mixture of earnest and worry up on their faces. Then he threw a look at Ryan. He was focusing his hands on the kitchen counter. There was an expression on him he never had seen before and it frightened him. Again he was faced with the fact that he didn't know Ryan as well, as one should know one's brother…friend…brother, whatever.

"Seth, would you like to go to your room. This is something between Ryan and us." His father said in a serious and cold voice. He never had heard this tone before and yes, he started to be afraid.

"He can stay. He'll know about this anyway." Ryan said in a determining, but silent tone. Also something he never had heard before. And, wow, he never had witnessed such a situation before.

"Okay, Seth you can stay. But keep your mouth shut." Now he started to be afraid of his father. He looked at his Mum and she looked as if she was going to burst into tears in every second. What was this about?

"Okay Ryan. I guess you can imagine about what this conversation will be and I guess I also don't have to explain to you, how we've felt when Dr. Kim called us and asked whether we come to terms with it." His father started. Shit, Ryan had gotten into trouble at school, hadn't he? Damn it. He should have been there to prevent that. He really was a nut as brother…friend…brother, whatever.

"And not speaking about me, how I felt, when Dr. Kim started to talk to me about it." Ryan answered. What? Turn back to the beginning. Since when was Ryan brash? And what was this kind of aggressive undertone supposed to mean? This was so not Ryan.

"What do you want to tell us through that?" His father asked back. He watched his Mum, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"That someone made up this story to wear me down." Although he still didn't know what this was about, he could imagine some people who would like to do so.

"C'mon Ryan. This topic is quite too serious as if someone was going to make fun of it." Now his Mum intervened. She had kept the warm and caring tone in her voice. Ryan sighed, still focusing his hands.

"And how can someone know about this, although I'm not talking to anyone about…my background and stuff like that?" This was a good question. Although he didn't know what was making his parents having such a serious conversation, he was sure Ryan never talked about anything concerning the dark sides of his life. Nah…despite of the one day of Chrismukkah, but that didn't count.

"Alright. And who should have an interest to spread crud things like that about you?" His father asked again. It was as if he completely had changed - from father into lawyer. It was a kind of Hulk-thing, with the only difference that his father wasn't becoming green when he started to be thelawyer.

"You'd better ask Oliver." Oh oh. This was asking for trouble. Hadn't he told his parents from the very beginning it was no good idea to let Ryan go to the same school like this freak?

"This is not going to start from new?" His father sighed. Oh yeah, they have had this conversation already. "Ryan, don't you think that it is enough?" His father went on.

"This means I only dreamed he had said to me something like: he wants to destroy and break me? Nice, now I'm not only the little sucker from Chino. No, I'm also a lunatic. Wow, this is a development."

"Ryan, we're not finished yet." His father admonished him in a harsh voice. If he could have, he would have liked to go into his room.

"Why not? For you everything is clear. I'm lying, that's it." Ryan didn't scream. But his voice had something scaring. He started to ask, whether Ryan was capable of attacking his father? He only hoped not. But in the moment he really was frightened he would be.

"Ryan, we're not saying you're lying. But it's a little hard to imagine that someone - even Oliver - spreads such lies." His Mum tried to calm down the situation.

"At least he had been the one locked up in psychiatry." It slipped out of his mouth. Someone needed to help Ryan. It wasn't fair that he again had to fight against all, until at the end he was going to pay the bill, because nobody had believed him. He caught an angry glance from his father and shrugged his shoulders.

"Damn it Ryan, this is about rape." His father went on. What? One moment, rape? No, Ryan never would rape anyone. He was the man with the fists, but no… or? No, this was definitive nothing Ryan would do. He had a sense of moral and ethic issues. At least he was the one who always told him to be honest and so on. Stop. No…shit. Ryan? As … victim? No, Ryan would rather kill someone than getting assau…. He couldn't think about this. This really was not funny. But Ryan would have told them about it or? No, he wouldn't. He kept everything for himself. He stared at Ryan, who clenched his jaw. Oh, he was angry. Nah…maybe even more than angry.

"But…there is nothing true about it." He saw how hard it was for Ryan, not to scream. And he knew what it was. It was not the topic itself. It again was the problem of not believing. How were they ever being able to build a base of trust, if - anytime unclear facts occur – nobody believed Ryan?

"Maybe, but we can't poof it." His father said now. "Or would you have talked to us about it, in case it had happened?" This sounded a little unfair, because Ryan was going to answer honest. And at the end his father again was going to start with: we have to trust in the facts. Wasn't Ryan a fact? The way he reacted? If there was something true about this, wouldn't he have reacted different? He looked at Ryan. He focused his hands and shook his head.

"Would you have talked to us?" His father asked now more determining. This went too far for his taste.

"Dad, don't you think it's enough? He already shook his head. This is enough for a clear answer." He didn't want his father to pull down Ryan, who obviously was the fucked up in all their conversation they had. He needed to help him.

"Seth, you…" His father started to admonish him, but Ryan cut him off.

"This conversation sucks." Ryan said and within a second he got up, the stool at the kitchen counter fell down and Ryan went off. Wow, this boy really looked as if he was going to kill someone. No, this was so not Ryan.

"Ryan, we're not finished, yet." He father called after him, but the heard the door shut. After all he didn't slam it. He looked at his father and then at his Mum, who both looked at each other.

"Well done Dad. This is the way you get people to talk to you." He wasn't able to pipe down at this point.

"What have I done wrong this time?" What? Was his father dumb or deaf or both or was he even stupid?

"Ask Mum. I'll better go and look where he is." Seth said and went off, too.

He found Ryan at the pier. This was his favourite place, when he needed time to think. He was leaning against the banister, watching something.

"Hey man! Gave us quite a scare." He said when he reached him, but Ryan didn't give him any reaction. He turned, looking what interesting thing Ryan was watching such intensely. It was not a thing. It was someone. It was Oliver. He looked at Ryan clenching his jaw. Oh no, this was a sign for: I kill him.

"You're not thinking of…I mean…Hey dude, you shouldn't do that." It was as if he was talking to a wall. Ryan stood still. Okay, maybe he just was watching him or…What? He saw a car stopping close to Oliver. A person got out of it. What was Julie Cooper doing here? She went to Oliver. She gave him an envelope. What was this supposed to mean? He looked back at Ryan. The frustration radiating from him was noticeable in a radius of ten miles.

"Uhm…Ryan I think we better go now. This probably doesn't mean anything. Julie Cooper and Oliver have nothing in common." Despite Marissa and their hate towards Ryan. He tried to listen to their conversation, but they were too far away. Then in a sudden Julie Cooper got back into the car and drove off. He had tried to figure who was on the driver's side, but it was too dark to see anything. When he looked back to where Ryan had been, he saw his friend…brother…friend, whatever was gone. Oh, oh. This was trouble. He was heading towards Oliver. He ran after him. He had to stop him, before he did something very stupid.

"Hey shithead. Does Marissa know you're dating her Mum? She didn't take it well, when it came out Luke was doing so." Ryan said.

"Oh, hey Ryan. How are you? I guess you have a hard time in the moment. A lot of frustration and rage. I can…" Ryan cut him off by closing him in. Soon Oliver stood with his back at a wall. No way out of this. He reached Ryan.

"Hey, Ryan, c'mon he doesn't need you to ruin his life, he can do this on his own." He tried to ally Ryan.

"You're little sucker, what kind of game are you playing?" Ryan hissed.

"Oh, I'm not playing it. I'm…"

"Stop this shit and tell me what you want."

"Only the same thing all Newport people want: you leaving." This was not going to make things better.

"Ryan, let's go." He patted Ryan's shoulder to make him aware of his presence.

"I'll break every single bone of yours." Ryan got closer and closer to Oliver. Oh, oh…no. He had to do something. What? What? Too late. Ryan already had grabbed Oliver on his shoulders and pressed him with all his force against the wall.

"Even if you kill me, this won't be over. No matter how much I regret to admit it, but I'm just a pawn in a game. There are much more powerful people at work. Accept it Atwood. Your days are numbered." No, why couldn't this kid just shout up? There was no need to provoke Ryan when he already had reached his state of frustration.

"Hey, Ryan, let off of him. He's not worth it." But Ryan was blind and deaf of rage and stroke out his right arm. He had to prevent this. If he didn't, Ryan was back in jail in a sec. He was in panic. He had to do something. He tried to haul off Ryan of Oliver. But dude, this boy was too strong for him. He had to do something. What? What would…? He couldn't let him do this. He had to do something, anything. Help? Where was help, when he needed it?

"Ryan, stop this shit." His panic grew bigger and bigger and his brain started having blackouts. No, he wasn't thinking anymore, bur acting.

"I'll kill you, I swear." Ryan hissed. Bam! Shit. Has he done this? He was no violent person. It just was a reflex. He hasn't been able to control it. Oh man. But it helped. Ryan let off of Oliver, who ran away, while Ryan was standing there transfixed.

"Seth!" Ryan screamed, wiping off the blood coming out of his nose with the back of his hand.

"So…sorry dude. But I had no choice. If…if you had …you know. He …I mean, you don't wanna go back to jail." Ryan looked at him with a mixture of…of what? Of fury and what else was it? No matter what it was, now he was sure he was going to receive his first fist from Ryan.

"Nice. But hadn't there been any other measure?" Ryan snapped.

"Uh…talking wasn't working though…sorry?" Maybe he could sooth him a little bit and he only kicked his shin.

"Do you have a tissue? I don't wanna have blood on my shirt." Phew, that was what he called luck. He fished a tissue out of his pocket and handed it Ryan.

"Here, fresh and unused." He said cheekily.

"Well, after this show I guess, you don't need my help in any fights any more. Your punch his hard enough to knock out a hippo." Ryan said with... with acknowledgement. Cool.

"The student became the master." He responded then they both went a long the pier.

"So, do you wanna come home?" He asked after a while.

"Home?" Hu? What was this supposed to mean? Man, this kid was screwed. He needed to make a plan to get him back to normal. He needed to talk to Summer. Maybe her step-monster had some pills which could help.

"Man home, our home, pool house and Chinese food."

"Yeah, as if I could show my face there anymore." Oh, please can this boy just stop being negative. This was going to be disgusting.

"Man, this is really no big deal. I think they got what you wanted to tell them. They only would like you more talking to them." He leaned against the banister as well.

"It's not that easy. I'm not used to talk like you."

"Some kind of Chino thing, what?" He asked. He always had liked these moments with Ryan, when they started to talk in a more serious way. He felt as if he had found someone he could talk to about everything and yes, he was proud when Ryan started to talk to him. Ryan didn't talk to anyone.

"Kind of." Ryan answered.

"Man, you've left Chino. You're now living in Newport – Orange County – a place of prejudices, superficiality and loose women."

"Physically." Ryan answered. He always had known that Ryan wasn't able to cut loose from his past.

"Then we have to start to transfer your animus from Chino to Newport. This shouldn't be that challenging. At least your animus isn't as huge as mine."

"Thanks."

"So do you wanna come?" He asked his brother…friend…brother, whatever.

"Uh…not ready yet." He answered. Understandable, after he had pulled such a stunt which had been hundred percent so not Ryan.

"Do we wanna have some Pizza?" He asked Ryan. Maybe they two needed a time out. Just doing a little talking and maybe Ryan would open up a little more to him. This wasn't meant in a gay way. But if Ryan told him about some points of his past, it was easier to handle him. He wasn't sure how long he was going to be able to handle this Ryan, but he was sure it wasn't for much too long.

"Dunno. Do you?" Ryan asked back. Man, this boy needed to learn making decisions.

"Yeah, c'mon. Let's have a little Seth-Ryan-time."

It already was late at night, when they both got home. When they stood in front of the door Ryan hesitated.

"Hey, what's wrong? Nobody is going to bite you head from your neck." He encouraged Ryan. Ryan hadn't been talking a lot. He had drawn further back into his shell of loneliness. Sometimes he asked himself how long this was going to work. Everybody needed to talk sometime. Or maybe Ryan only waited for the right point of time. Or Ryan belonged to those who exploded at anytime, without warning. He opened the door and stepped in. Ryan, head hanging, followed him slowly. His parents were still awake and looked at him expectant. He made a few steps aside, thus they could see Ryan was with him.

"Hey, were have you two been. You gave us quite a scare." His father said. His Mum got up and took him into her arms.

"And what has happened to you nose?" His Mum asked. Uh…this …

"Little accident. But nobody got hurt and nobody's death. So don't worry." He answered quickly.

"Next time, you call us if it's taking a bit longer." She said and then went to Ryan. He saw how she tried to take him into her arms too, but he stepped back, avoiding her. Avoiding? Man, this boy really needed some kind of make over: from Chino to Newport.

"Uhm…I'm sorry. I…I shouldn't have freaked out." Ryan said.

"It's okay Ryan. It's only, knowing you might have…you know…and we haven't be able to avert this. It just hurt us to think of it." His Mum said. She looked at Ryan and he looked onto the floor. This was so not Ryan.

"We don't want you to be a tattletale like Seth. But a few more words per day won't harm you." His father now said. Ryan only nodded.

"Doesn't look like any more talking for to night. So, let's go to bed. Tomorrow is school." His Mum said. Then Ryan passed his Mum and Dad and he followed him into the pool house.

"Okay dude. You can play tricks to my parents, but not to me. I know that's something wrong with you and I won't leave you until I haven't gotten to know what it is."

"Seth!" Ryan sighed and fell onto the bed.

"Yeah? I'm here and ready to listen to the tough guy."

"You wanna know what's wrong? I'm stigmatized as the under aged felon from Chino, who beats up people, burns down other people homes and – as if this wasn't enough – as the one being…you know what."

"Well okay, this sucks. But I'm talking about something happening a little earlier in time." Ryan looked questioning at him.

"C'mon, when we've had our first illegal meeting I've noticed something was wrong with you. So what is it?" He watched Ryan going over to the kitchen in the pool house and opened one of the drawers. He saw how Ryan took a bottle with pills, opened it and swallowed some of them with water.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing." He said and went to see what it was. Ryan didn't even try to hide it. He even gave it to him and he read what it was. Shit, he hated these medical descriptions. He didn't understand anything. He looked questioning at Ryan, who gave him two other bottles with pills.

"Do you have to take all of them?" Ryan nodded. He had the feeling as if Ryan wanted to tell him something, but wasn't able to use words for it. He racked his brains to find out what his brother wanted to tell him, but he had no clue.

"Can you give me at least one word I can google?" He wanted to make a joke, thus he didn't expect an answer. He was as more stunned when Ryan gave him one.

"Post-exposure prophylaxis." What? He'd never heard of that. And how were you supposed to google something you didn't know how to write?

"Okay, listen. I get that you want to tell me something. Maybe you just sit down and take your time, until you've found enough words. Because I can't understand or help you if you only give me this."

"I…I can't. Okay? This is all I can give you."

"Hey, c'mon. You're not hiding it from me and you gave me such a big keyword. I'll find out about it anyway, as fast as I've found out how to write this strange word. So, you can tell me either. It's easier for me and probably easier for you. Hey, I know things about talking, thus when I tell you that you feel much better afterwards, I speak from my own experience." he tried to encourage him once again, but he caught once again this cold and avoiding look.

"This…it's not that easy. I'm not used to talk to someone about my business. Just…give me a little time." Okay, that was a clear announcement and he left Ryan. But he was bounded to notice this sad and despaired look up on Ryan's face and he was confirmed in his suspicion that something wasn't right with his brother. This night he decided to talk to his parents about this word and about the thing with Julie Cooper and Oliver. He knew if Ryan found out about it he was going to hate him. But this time he wasn't sure if this was something he and Ryan could handle on their own.


	23. Chapter 23

So, maybe the last chapter for a longer time. Or I can be very nasty: no new chapter unless I know how you want it to be finished. So, it's all in your hands. In words: the first possible end is finished. The second option is in work. Okay, I hope I get some more suggestions, because I can't make this decision on my own :((

* * *

**S**he was nervous. They still hadn't gotten back their guardianship for Ryan and she started having suspicious feelings.

"I'll call Dr. Harrison." She said.

"What? Why?" Her husband asked.

"I want to know why it takes so long to get Ryan legally back." She said and then took the telephone and dialled Dr. Harrison's number. If she was honest this was not only about their guardianship. Ryan had freaked her out a little bit. He usually staid calm, listen to them and then went to his pool house. He never had reacted hot-blooded before. Well, yeah he had, when he had gotten into fights. But towards them he usually had staid calm and in somehow subdued. Not that she expected him to behave like that. He was free to behave like any one else in this house. He was no stranger anymore. But nevertheless he had scared her to the bones when he had run away.

"_Harrison speaking?_"

"Hello, it's Kirsten Cohen. I wanted to ask whether you have a minute for me. It's about Ryan."

"_Yeah, yeah. Uhm…in the moment it's bad. What about we're meeting within two hours at the hospital?_" She sounded strange, as if she wanted to hide something. But what?

"Okay. I'll be there."

"_Okay, I'll see you then. Bye._"

"Bye." The doctor hung up. This was curious, but she came to the conclusion Dr. Harrison was pressed for time. Her husband looked at her questioning.

"She wants to meet me in two hours at the hospital." She said.

"Do you want me to come too?" He asked her. What a question.

"Of course. Do you think I can handle all this alone? This is far beyond of what I can bear." She answered. And again she felt how vulnerable and helpless she was when it was about her boys.

"I still have to think about what Seth had told us. Do you think Julie's hand in glove with Oliver?" Her husband asked her.

"I don't know. Maybe it was only an incident, maybe she has some plans. The only thing I know is both of them hate Ryan, because of Marissa. But I don't care about it in the moment. I only want to know what's wrong with Ryan, why he's not talking about the serious things in his life."

"He still doesn't trust us. That's it." Her husband sounded a bit angry. Sure they had talked a lot to Ryan about this, but he still hadn't gotten it.

"Maybe we should ask ourselves why he's not talking to us. I mean every time he had told us something, we hadn't believed him, until we got the proof he was right and we were wrong. Maybe we have to start to trust him before he can start to trust us. Someone has to make the first step and after all what had happened in the past, we can't demand Ryan being this someone."

Now they stood outside the hospital, waiting for Dr. Harrison to join them. With five minutes delay she came.

"Hello, sorry. But it's quite a busy day today." She apologized. She sounded a bit short of breath.

"No problem." She said. If necessary she would have waited hours to get to know what was going on with her boy.

"So I guess you want to talk to me, why you still haven't received the guardianship back?" Wow, this woman already was in the know.

"Yes." She answered. And then was anxious to know the reasons.

"Well, I can't give you any detail. The only thing I know is that some circumstances have changed. What kind of, I can't tell you. But it seems to be serious enough to be considered properly. But it might be possible there is someone else applying for the guardianship." This sentence shook her whole word, before it broke into pieces.

"Who?" She only wanted to know. She felt her husband's arms around her shoulders. This was not true. This was just some kind of mistake. They already had made so many mistakes concerning Ryan's guardianship that it was no wonder if this was one as well.

"I've no idea and my husband, who's working for the youth welfare, can't give me more information. But I guess this is only one more mistake. The people working there have too much on their lists and too little time for all those kids. It's likely that they make mistakes, and even more than one in one case." Okay if she saw it the same way, there was less to worry about. This woman knew what se was talking about.

"Uhm…there is something else and…I, we would like to ask you something, concerning Ryan's state." Her husband went on. She hadn't talked to him about that. But he always read in her and usually they shared not only opinions, but even emotions, thoughts and concerns.

"What do you mean?"

"Last evening he freaked out and this is not…typical for him. Normally he remains coolheaded, in every situation." She stated. The doctor sighed.

"Why did he freak out?"

"We had a conversation and it…I don't know he freaked out, when we wanted to talk about some issue." Her husband answered. She decided to let him to the talk from now on. She still had to think back. In her mind she saw the frightened but in somehow offensive expression on Ryan. He had been so nervous and dragged into a corner.

"If you want me to help, I need a bit more. What was the conversation about?"

"It…it was about a rumour at his school. It was about whether he was assaulted." She chewed her lip. Only the thought that there might be a little truth about this, made her feel sick. Dr. Harrison cleared her throat and then sighed.

"And you wanted to talk about this to him?" She asked a more rhetorical question. "Then you've crossed his plans of bottling up and just forgetting." She answered.

"What does this mean?"

"I can't give you more than that." Bottling up and forgetting? Please not. Weren't all these bruises enough? Was it necessary to let him suffer even more? A typhoon ran over her emotions and she had no clue what she was supposed to feel.

"I don't understand you."

"As I've already told you, Ryan's a person not letting anything out anymore. He had learned that nobody will listen anyway and help is not insight. I only can advise you once again not to push him too hard. This can end up in a mess. Kids like Ryan are ticking bombs, especially after something like that." Now it was clear. It had happened and he hadn't talked to them. He even had been lying and this hurt the most. And what now? After what the doctor said there was nothing they could do. Ryan had reached a final state of indiffernce.

"So, if we touch this sore point again, he might freak out completely?" Her husband asked.

"At least this is what I've expired with my kids. With your own son you would sit down with a talk and a lot of tears. Kids like Ryan would only sit there, tell you what has happened, keeping out any emotions. No tears. If you are able to cross this boarder I'm sure the hell will break loose. It sounds awful, but this is reality. When you adopt kids like Ryan you must be in the know that they never will behave like your own kids. It's never be as easy as with them, if you take your job as parents serious. Sure you can draw back and say: we leave these things aside. But then you won't help Ryan." Now she was afraid. She didn't understand this woman. When they've talked first to her she had advised them to leave things as they were and now?

"But last time, we've spoken you told us that it might harm Ryan. In somehow I had the feeling as if you wanted to advise us against touching these points." She asked further.

"That's right. But then I wasn't sure if you really meant it."

"You've thought we've only plaid the concerned parents? Who in hell are you to make such an accusing? You have no idea what ordeals we went through when they've taken Ryan from us. Don't dare to say something likes that again or I swear…"

"I'm sorry, but my experiences have made me distrustful towards foster parents. And I already can tell you that it can be hard, because if you really cross his boarder _you_ need to hold him together, preventing him from breaking. Just opening up the wounds, letting his emotions float and then turn away will neither help nor do any good to him. Listen, I don't want to offend you. But I also don't want Ryan to get hurt any more. So, if you decide to fight this together with him, he will need you as a strong helping and supporting hand at the aftermath. If you can't guarantee that, you'll only leave Ryan in broken pieces and I guess you still remember what I've said about what's happening then."

"But after we now have heard he had been... we can't let him alone with all this." She said.

"Good to hear." The doctor said and then left them alone.

"Have you heard what she had said?" She asked her husband, whether he had heard the same as she did.

"That this rumour might be none?" He had understood the same. So, she wasn't getting paranoid.

"This is too hard to believe or? I mean I can't imagine Ryan as…victim. He's always such a tough boy. I can't imagine him letting some person do something like that to him." Ryan never appeared to be… weak. It was just impossible something like that happened to him. Anyway, this usually only happens to weak women not to strong and tough boys like Ryan.

"We shouldn't forget he's still a kid. His tough shell shouldn't fool us." Ryan still was a kid. It was hard to see him as one. He was so different from Seth and such little a kid. It really was hard to think of him as a helpless kid.

"And what now?" She asked.

"We only can sit and wait. You've seen what happened, when we touch these sore points. Maybe we just have to wait and let him decide whether he's ready for it or not. Let us go back to our normal everydaylife. I guess this is the best for all of us." He was right. But she was sure she wasn't able to, after what she had heard. How hurt must her boy be, after all this had happened to him? And she wasn't able to comfrot him.


	24. Chapter 24

So, time for some drama ;) Have fun and enjoy :)

* * *

**T**he rest of the week passed without any events. Marissa had left him alone, after he had explained her there was nothing true about this rumour. And hell, he didn't care. If she wanted to lay her life into the hands of such a psycho, she had all right to do so. But she shouldn't knock on his door when she realized she had been wrong about Oliver - again. Luckily even Seth, Sandy and Kirsten had stopped bothering him with this talking thing and all was back to normal. No, nothing was back to normal. The experience in the foster home had opened up old wounds again and they didn't seem to stop hurting. But he drove all this away. If Seth had found out about…? He wasn't dumb and neither stupid. But if he had, he was polite enough not bothering him. He has had the choice to say nothing, but it had been unfair - he probably would have had to lie about it and he hated lying, thus he had left it with Seth whether he wanted to find out or not. And the advantage had been: he hadn't to touch any emotion. He had found his ways to handle it without being forced to lie: sticking to the facts and leave yourself out, as if you only was a spectator. He got interrupted in his thoughts. Someone knocked at the door of the pool house. It was Seth.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He asked him.

"Nothing." And he wasn't going to change this. School was busy enough lately. He didn't need any more action in his life.

"So that's good, because you have no excuse for not coming with me to this super boring Newport Group meet and greet." Oh no. He really wasn't in the mood for that.

"Seth, no. Can't we just stay here and…do nothing?"

"I would say yes, but Summer goes there and my parents would like to have us with them. And everybody goes there. C'mon it'll be fun. Like in old days. You and me and the girls."

"Don't let Summer hear that." He really didn't want to go, especially not if this was one of these way too big parties with whole Newport invited.

"So you come?"

"Do I have a choice?" He was sure Seth wasn't going to stop bothering him, until he hadn't said yes.

"That's my man. So get ready, we're leaving soon."

He turned around and went to the bathroom. He hated these parties. If one thing was for sure then that this party was going to be trouble. These Newport parties always ended up in a mess and quite frequently he was involved in it. He turned on the shower. Taking a shower still wasn't comfortable. The warm water hurt the bruises and the cuts, as well as the soap.

When he was finished he put his boxers on and went in again. Seth was reading the comic, while he was looking for some cloths. While he started to get dressed he saw in an eye corner that Seth had laid the comic down and started looking at him intensely. There was some more Seth-and-Ryan-talk coming towards him. Seth cleared his throat.

"So…Ryan…I've been doing a little rearch in the internet…and…" Oh yeah, he had found out. He had known he would find out, that's why he had told him. He didn't want to hide it, but he just wasn't able to put it into words. He had figured he needed to let him – them – know. But this wasn't easy. How much did he want to be able to talk like Seth? He wished he was able to sit down together with Seth, Kirsten and Sandy and just tell them what had happened to him and that it hadn't been the first time. But he couldn't. He wanted them to know about his past, to let them understand why he was how he was. But he just couldn't do so. Man, things would be much easier if one was able to talk. He needed to get these things out. Every day he felt as if he was going to burst, but these things just didn't want to leave his mouth.

"Okay, and I've found out for what and I'm…not sure if you wanted to tell me that…you know… Sorry Ryan, but you're Ryan and it's a little hard to imagine this, without you killing this someone." Seth beat around the bush. "So, did you want to tell me…? Or was it just something else and I only got the wrong end of the stick?"

"You want to know if my ass is still a virgin. No, it lost its virginity when I was twelve. And believe me, if I had had a chance, I would have killed this fucking educator from the foster home, but with three other people around it was a little difficult." He just spit out. Wow, he was impressed. This rude language? Just a valve. Let the truth out and keep emotions for you. Just pretending indifference and no one would ask further questions. He put a shirt on. Seth didn't say anything. Maybe he had been a little too harsh. It was complicated. On the one hand he wanted to talk about it and on the other one, he only wanted to keep it bottled up - at least the emotions linked to the words.

"Hey Seth, everything is okay. I come to terms with it and the second time isn't worse than the first. Only, don't tell your parents okay? It only would lead to further questions and I'm not up to that." He tried to make Seth a little more comfortable with the situation.

"How can you tell me you're okay with it and then ask me not to let my parents know, because of further questions? This is a little paradox." He sighed. Seth didn't get the point. He just had wanted to let him know and leave it with that. Just no further thinking, no emotions.

"I come to terms with it by the way I handle it. Just leave it with that. I need to get ready for tonight." He switched the topic. Seth got up and left him. He only hoped he hadn't snubbed him.

Now they were on this party and it was more than boring. Seth whispered sweet nothings with Summer. Luke wasn't there and Marissa had Oliver as company. Thus he remained pretty alone. He looked onto his watch. Okay, already two hours past, so it wasn't impolite if he left the party. He was searching for Seth, to let him know he was on his way home. But he didn't find him. This whole party was way too crowded for him. Accidentally he passed the Oliver-Marissa couple.

"Hey Ryan, you're here?" She said. Oh God. How was he supposed to survive this after everything what had happened at school?

"Uh…yeah. Seth convinced me." He only wanted to run. Being so close to Oliver made him anxious. Not, because he was afraid of Oliver. No, he was afraid of what he could do to this freak. He wanted to leave them, but Marissa grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Hey, way are you avoiding me?" She had lived through their fist Oliver episode. She should know the reason why. He for his part wasn't going to explain it to her. For him it was hard enough to see her hanging around with this pervert.

"I'm not. I'm only…looking for Seth."

"C'mon, you can see him everyday. Why don't we hang around for a while? We haven't talked to each other for so long." No, they haven't and this has had its reasons. When did this girl start to switch on her brain? It could be quite helpful if she started to within the next seconds, because he wasn't sure how long he was able to hold back his thoughts about her and Oliver: that she was a naïve and stupid little girl, heading from one disaster to the next one; and that Oliver was a psychological cripple whose only problem was the whole world; and - yes - that he felt threatened by him and punked by her. Oh yes, he felt how the rage in him started to grow with each second he spend more with this couple.

"You're still mad at me, aren't you?" This was too much. She…just had no idea of anything, thinking she was living in a nice pink bubble, or in a kind of Barbie-world.

"Marissa, I don't know what's going on in your head, but that you're forcing me into the company of this nut case is a clear evidence for you needing some serious help." He said. Wow, he had staid cool, no screaming, no punching. Hey, he started to adjust to this Newport Society.

"You're such a rude bastard do you know that? You're judging him only because he had made a mistake, behaving as if you never had made one. He's seriously working on it, instead of you." This felt like a slap into his face. She seriously was comparing him with this nut bar. Then the couple went off.

Shit. She was right. There were several points in his past he should work on. Nah, there was nothing to work on. He had his measures to cope with it. He wasn't such a freak like Oliver, or? After all he was sure he had been through more shit than this spoiled freak and he hadn't been the one waving around with a gun in front of others or playing the suicidal helpless sucker. He stood with both feet on the ground of reality. He had no problems. He…he still felt uncomfortable around Sandy and Kirsten only because he feared they might push his buttons and touch his real sore points. And yes, he had trouble to confide in them and he hadn't become more communicative. But hell, he was no little boy anymore. He always had been able to deal with his life and his past on his own. This wasn't supposed to change. But maybe, he … at least he wasn't sleeping well anymore. And every time he closed his eyes he saw him, like he started to… or he saw his mother laughing at him…or A.J.…or his father…Trey… His thoughts started to swirl through his mind like a hurricane. Suddenly he found himself in this cold and dark room, then back in Chino, Fresno, jail, hospital, A.J., Frank, Trey, his mother. He…what was going on? He tried to get out of this, but he couldn't. He started to feel lonely, hurt, helplessly, like the twelve year old boy he had been. He felt like scum, worthless, like nothing. He felt how his body strained and his heart beat started to speed up.

"Hey, Ryan?" He heard a voice. It was far away. What…he was back in Chino, again Frank, A.J., jail, Fresno, his laughing mother. He felt someone grabbing his arms. He wanted to get free from the grip, but he couldn't move.

"Ryan, talk to me. What's wrong? Don't you feel well? Shell we go home?" He still wasn't sure where this voice came from. It seemed to be so far away. He felt how someone helped him to sit down somewhere? Where was he? Chino? Fresno? Everything got mixed up in his head. Growing confusion made him feel sick. He felt something cold in his neck.

"Ryan? Take a deep breath and then breathe out slowly. I'm here. Everything's alright." The voice said. He still wasn't aware of his surrounding, but the hurricane running through his head lightened off. He took a deep breath and slowly breathed out. Slowly the real world appeared in front of his eyes. Where was he? Oh, yes. A Newport party. What had happened? He had no idea. But it wasn't the first time that this had happened. Only it was the first time it had happened in front of an audience. Embarrassing.

"You're okay kid?" He looked up. Sandy stood in front of him, holding a wet and cold cloths in his neck.

"Yeah…sorry." As he had said: he only was trouble. Nothing more. He felt so embarrassed.

"What has happened?" Sandy asked him. He had gotten a few nice flashbacks from his past, nothing to worry about. Dude, what was he now supposed to come up with?

"Uhm…I…just don't feel well, a little dizzy. I'm…okay… now, really."

"Okay, at least you look like a ghost. Know what? You stay here and I get you some cold water." He only nodded and watched Sandy going off. Shit. Sandy didn't believe him. Of course he didn't. He always caught him when he was lying or not telling the complete truth. But he wasn't fond of any further serious conversations. At least not with Sandy and Kirsten. Not that he didn't like them and small talk with them was okay, but nothing serious and especially when it was about him. They usually managed to touch his sore point and then he freaked out, like the last time.

"As I've said, I can destroy you and as I see, it already starts. Give it a few more days and you'll be a mental vegetable. I tell you one thing: you never should have crossed my plans." He heard Oliver's voice. He clenched his fists. No, he wasn't allowed to smack him in the gob. Okay, he was, but not here, not in front of whole Newport.

"I've heard that." The calm and determining voice from Kirsten said. In a sudden she stood there, next to him, face to face with Oliver.

"Oh, good evening Mrs. Cohen. I only wanted to help Ryan."

"For me it rather sounded like threat than help."

"Oh no I'm far away from that. I only wanted to make clear to Ryan, in what a situation he is."

"Of course and I now I like to ask you to leave him, Mr. Trask. I don't think that we need your help." Wow, how was she doing this? Threatening other people only with words? Cool.

"But Mrs. Cohen…"

"Mr. Trask, please. I know what you want and I only can advise you not to get too close to Ryan again, or you'll regret it." All this felt wrong. She wasn't due to do this. He was due to do this on his own. He didn't need anyone to protect him. He was old enough. What was that?

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sandy came back and handed him a glass of cold water.

"Nothing, Mr. Trask just wanted to leave us alone."

"But I honestly only wanted to help Ryan. It wasn't what you've heard." Oliver still stammered. Where was his problem? Couldn't he just leave? He could be glad Kirsten didn't take him for a ride.

"Sure. That's why you can destroy him?" Kirsten now said. He looked at Oliver and something he didn't like occurred in his glance - something despite the fact it was Oliver. And he had seen it already once before. Danger lay in the air and he felt it didn't need much to get Oliver freaking out again.

"But I'm telling the truth."

"Ryan told us something different. And after what had happened in your penthouse with Marissa you can't persuade me from something else." One moment, was this a statement, telling she believed what he had said? No, this couldn't be true. Nobody believed him.

"You believe him? Please – I don't want to sound impolite – but after everything Ryan went through it's obvious he's searching for your attention. Understandable, being assaulted must be the worse thing, happening to one." Attention? When someone was doing everything for attention than it was this psycho, not him. Rage boild in his inside. The grip around the glass went tighter and tighter, until he had broken it. Shit. Embarrassing.

"Ryan?!" Sandy looked confused at him.

"Sorry."

"Okay this is enough. Mr. Trask I ask you in due form to leave this party and Ryan we need to treat your hand. It's bleeding." Kirsten determined. Alright, now he had messed it up. But he felt the situation got more and more strained.

"But Mrs. Cohen you need to believe me." He sounded as if he was in panic. He had sounded like that, before he has had…no, this was not going to happen again, or? He felt how his whole body got strained, ready for everything.

"Mr. Trask, I think my wife had been clear enough." Sandy now got in. Oliver didn't make any move.

"But he's the liar. I only want to help him. He's lying, because he wants your attention." Oliver sounded more and more helpless. But one sec: he was lying? Nice. He really was likely to give this shithead what he deserved.

"When it is like that, it's our problem." Kirsten said.

"But…"

"Mr. Trask, go, now!" Well, Sandy was angry and it sounded…bad. He felt a hand on his shoulder, it was Kirsten's.

"Don't worry this wasn't meant for you." She whispered. What? Why was she telling him that?

"But Mr. Cohen, please believe me."

"Mr. Trask your behaviour until now hadn't conducive to reliability." Sandy said in a cold voice. And yes, he had seen it coming. His head went black. His body was reacting on its own. His body always knew what to do. He didn't need his head for that.


	25. Chapter 25

Final count down? I don't know yet. Maybe or maybe not. Who knows? *hihi* Nevertheless have fun and enjoy :) And yes, this is very short.

* * *

**S**he felt like in a movie. She only saw Oliver taking a gun out off his jacket, pointing it at her husband. Her emotions were on a highway right now.

"You have to believe me! He's the liar! He's the one form jail! He's the bad guy, not I!" He screamed. Meanwhile everybody's attention was on them. She stood there, not able to move.

"Oliver, put this gun down." She heard her husband saying.

"No, I won't until you haven't said that you believe me and send this jerk back where he belongs to!" Oliver screamed, still pointing with the gun at her husband.

"Who's the jerk?" She knew what he husband did: playing on time. She knew it wasn't the first time he found himself in a situation like that. He had talked about it to her, and each time she nearly had died. But now that she lived through it she felt blank. Nothing.

"He damages everything, taking away all what is important to me! Jail is the only right place for someone like him! He will harm us, all of us!"

"Oliver, listen to me, we can…" Her husband broke up. A _click_ ran through the whole place. She stared at the trigger, Oliver's finger slowly pulling it. The gun still pointed at her husband. She waited for the shot. She waited for the scream and the blood. She was prepared. She was prepared for the loss. Then the shot. It was over. Everything was over. Nothing was going to be, as it had been. She looked at her husband. He stood there, looking into her eyes.


	26. Chapter 26

Here I am again, sitting in the garden and writing :) So have fun and enjoy!

* * *

**"****S**andy? Are you okay?" She asked quietly, still not sure if really nothing had happened to him. She kept on staring on his chest, expecting a red stain appear, but nothing. The shirt on the chest staid white. He went to her and took her into his strong arms. He was alive. He wasn't hurt. There was no blood. No scream? No, there was someone screaming. She looked around, down the floor. She saw how Ryan was struggling for keeping Oliver on the floor. The gun lay aside of them. She hadn't seen him? She hadn't seen him. He had saved her husband. He had saved her family. He had saved her. Again. He was her guardian angel. He…had risked his life to protect her husband. But…he was only sixteen. He could have been hit by the bullet. He could have been dead. Oh God. He was only a boy. He shouldn't be able to react in such a situation. She still looked at him, still struggling with Oliver, who fought Ryan tooth and nail and Ryan just doing nothing. Receiving punches into his face, one after another.

"Ryan!?" She screamed out. Why in hell's name did he nothing? One hit and he could knock out Oliver.

"Can someone come and help us, please?" Her husband now called into the crowd. It didn't take long and two police officers came to help Ryan. They handcuffed Oliver and then hauled him off. Ryan stood there, as if nothing had happened. Only his face didn't look like that. She looked at him. He shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry." This single silent word made her heart clench.

"What have you done? You're such a bastard!" Marissa screamed. She was screaming at Ryan. What? This girl had witnessed what had happened. Ryan only had saved her husband's life and she was screaming at him, even blaming him? Marissa's offending hurt her.

"I…Hello, little Miss, sorry that I wanted to prevent any death okay?" Ryan answered. He sounded pissed. He had all right to.

"Oliver never had killed anyone!"

"No, he was only toying." Ryan replied. Marissa turned round and went off. This girl was screwed. She was glad she and Ryan had separated. She definitive didn't do her son any good.

One moment! Where was Seth? He ought to be here? Oh, okay. He had wanted to spend some time with Summer alone. He probably wasn't here anymore. She went to Ryan. She wanted to take him into her arms, but he stepped back, focusing the ground. This hurt her even more. This damn gap between them was increasing each passing day and this hadn't helped to hinder this.

"Now, we not only have to treat your hand." She tried to soothe him. He still was strained.

"Hey, you should have plant a punch on his chin." Her husband said. He patted Ryan's shoulder trying to get a look at him, but Ryan turned his head away from him. She didn't understand what this meant. Something had changed in Ryan, in front of her eyes and she hadn't seen what it was, nor averted it.

"Yeah, and it'll be now my ass wandering straight to jail." He said with a snort. His nose was bleeding.

"Ryan, I guess nobody would have accused you for anything." She tried to make him feel a little comfortable. This boy really was afraid of jail. But this couldn't be a reason for him to get beaten up without defending.

"I guess you don't trust Lady Justice?" Her husband tried to joke.

"Who does he trust anyway?" It slipped out. She didn't mean to say those words. But it was true. She caught an angry glance of her husband and he was right with it.

"Sorry." Ryan mumbled. "I better go now."

"Wait, wait, wait. First we go and get your hand treated and then we get an ice pack for your shiner and after this we go home, all together." Her husband said and went off. Ryan followed them slowly.

Now she stood in her kitchen. Of course her Dad had noticed what had been going on and of course he was everything else than amused about it.

"Kiki, since this boy has appeared in Newport he's only causing trouble." Again here Dad started with the same old story.

"Dad listen, I know you don't like him being around with us, but this had been my decision. And yes he had a troubled start in Newport, but he really had improved."

"You call this an improvement? Kiki, he had endangered other people's life."

"No Dad. He had _saved_ my husband's life and I'm more than grateful for it." She hated it when her father started to talk in this manner about her boy - without comprehension and full of prejudices.

"Fact is, hadn't he been there nobody had been forced to toy around with a gun in front of whole Newport."

"Pardon? Ryan isn't responsible for the actions of some lunatic."

"But he knew what his appearance would cause in respect to Oliver Trask."

"Dad, how can you say that? When Oliver Trask decided to take a gun to the party, he didn't even know Ryan was coming too. So, Ryan is not responsible for it." Her rage was increasing.

"But he would have left it in his jacket, if Ryan hadn't shown up." This conversation wasn't going anywhere. They were running in circles and she never was going to convince her Dad.

"Okay, okay. I got it. And now tell me what you want?" Her Dad never appeared in her house without reason.

"I want to take some burden off your shoulders."

"What do you mean?"

"I see you're overtaxed with your family and the job…"

"Stop beating around the bush. What do you want?"

"I want to give you a choice. You can choose your job and your real family or you can stick to this - however you wanna call this state."

"One moment please. You want men to decide either for my job or for Ryan?" This man was evil, she always had known before. But she never had thought he would want her to break her family into pieces.

"Correct."

"But…how can you dare…you know how important my family is for me, as well as my job. How can you do this to me?"

"And I want to protect all this - your job and your family. You only have to bring Ryan back to where he comes from. I don't want anything else." She looked into these cold eyes. She was stunned and not able for some clear thinking.

"How can you ask me for this?"

"Kiki, everything's already initiated. You only need to give me your agreement."

"Agreement? Agreement to what? Destroying my family? Taking one of my sons away?"

"This boy is_ not_ your son and he's not part of your family either." Her father screamed at her.

"That's not true, of course he is..." He cut her off.

"This boy or your job? It's in your hands."

"Then I'll better go and pack my stuff. Makes the decision easier." She heard this smooth and calm voice. No. He wasn't due to listen to this conversation. She turned around, wanted to tell him she didn't want him to leave. But he already had turned around and headed for the pool house.

"Well done Dad." She hissed. Things already had been difficult enough with Ryan. This was certainly not improving her- their relationship to the boy. She left her Dad and went to Ryan. What had her father said? Everything's already initiated? Was he the reason why they didn't get back Ryan legally? Was he this so called new circumstance? But this was even way too cruel for her father. Or?


	27. Chapter 27

The end's not near, it's here ;) So the last chapter for this story. I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for all these nice reviews! So enjoy and have fun

* * *

**I**t already was late at night. The atmosphere was more than strained. He needed to leave. There was no other way. He caused trouble and destroyed their life. Man, her job was Kirsten's life. He couldn't risk her losing it only because of him. He wasn't worth it. He was nothin, but dirty scum. She couldn't lose her job because of something like him. No he couldn't allow that. Now it was on him to make a cut, the final one. Problem: neither Kirsten nor Sandy was willing to let him.

"Ryan you can't run away every time things get a little complicated." Sandy said. Little complicated? When this was only a little complicated for him, what did he consider as catastrophe?

"I'm not running away. I'm leaving."

"Where is the difference?" He had trouble to reach this boy. But why in hell's name did he blame himself for Caleb Nichol's behaviour? And why did his wife have not the strength to stand up against her Dad? She should have made her point clear, from the very beginning. Okay, he should shift this away. He could discuss this with her another time. Now it was about Ryan.

"The…it's …I can't ask Kirsten to give up her job for me. Sorry, I'm not that self-absorbed and egoistic." What was happening? His world broke into pieces. No, not only his one. The Cohen's one did as well, and he was the reason. Why didn't they recognize what burden he was? Why didn't they recognize he was destroying their lives?

"This is no matter of being self-absorbed or egoistic. This is a matter of giving up a fight we still can win. C'mon kid. You're such a tough boy even Julie Cooper can't frighten you. But a Caleb Nichol can?"

"This is not only about Mr. Nichol. This is about you!" Ryan started to scream. He never had heard the boy screaming. But yes, he was terrified he wasn't going to only leave it with screaming.

Ryan had lost control over his voice and his words. The disadvantage of not being such a big talker was you never learn how to control your speech.

"About me or us? Ryan, we can care for ourselves." Sandy now flew into rage too. Who ever had thought he was going to have a real argument with Ryan?

"And this works better without me!"

"If we can or not, has nothing to do with you!"

"No? Since I'm here, you're always in trouble. I can't … let it go on like that!"

"You aren't serious believing what he had said, do you?"

"I believe what I have seen. And the only thing I've seen is me, trouble and you carrying the can for it!" The boy took his bag and prepared to go. He thwarted him.

"Sandy, let me go!" How much more had to happen until this man understood he wasn't worth all his efforts - their efforts?

"No." He looked into these eyes, cold and blue. It was the same glance the boy has had, when they had come and taken him to the foster home.

"Sandy, don't force me to stay. It only will make things worse." They boy had become calm. Wow, from hundred to zero in a blink. He was impressed.

"I can't. I'm still your guardian."

"No, you're not. In the moment, nobody is." He snorted, again this cold but in somehow disappointed reaction. But it showed effect. Although his heart clenched he cleared the way. He couldn't hold the boy, nobody could. He watched Ryan walking straight to the front door. One look at his wife and he knew he couldn't let him go. He followed him, grabbed his arm, while Ryan was opening the door.

But who was that? Did they expect a visitor? He looked confused and surprised at the man standing outside of the house. He was tall, big and dark haird.

"Oh, good evening. Mr. Cohen?" The man asked him.

"Yes, that's me."

"I'm Frank, Frank Atwood. I'm looking for my son."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

So that's it. If someone has an interest in how Ryan's life will be, how the Cohen's cope and if the Seth-Ryan friendship survives, let me know. I can offer a sequel. I can't add the rest in this story, because of the stilistic change, carefully readers already might have noticed. :)

Neverthless thanks to all for reading.


End file.
